I am fully aware he’s have claim to it in a divorce. But he’d have to divorce me to get it, he isn’t entitled to it while married to me. |
Yeah this is weird. It’s not like working moms are just existing in the world unshowered and without time to call and make medical appointments. If OP is worried about managing basic self care and her job, then she should downshift. But this is not the norm at all for working moms. |
My husband is not overall crappy, but I have begged and pleaded for years for him to bring up his income so that I could dial back at work, and despite various avenues to do so, he has refused to even try. I am wondering if I just stop contributing income how he will respond since he has a year sabbatical to figure it out plus plenty of savings. If he doesn’t even try to figure it out I will divorce him. I can’t stay married otherwise; the resentment will give me cancer. |
So you want to stay married to him even though you clearly resent and dislike him? Whoooo boy. Your poor kids. One isn’t even born yet. |
Being well loved by a resentful parent is also not a great formula. Kids are aware of animosity between their parents. OP I am not sure waiting to get fired from your job is the right solution. You need to be proactive and either find a solution with your DH or without him. |
Oh yeah. Breadwinner moms never complain about having time to fit everything in. I’m completely imagining that societal theme. ![]() |
You’re just not contributing income on paper though. It’s still half his if you divorce. I don’t see how this is going to force him to figure anything out. You need to lean out at work for your own sanity. Change jobs. Do whatever you need. Then cut expenses accordingly. But this continuing to work a big job and squirrel away money plan is batty. |
If you’re the breadwinner and he is on sabbatical then why can’t he handle the daycare calls and grocery shop? Wouldn’t that improve your life? Why do you only want him to provide money? Can’t he do anything else? |
Most professors make a decent income. I get that you may be feeling overwhelmed right now, but you seem to be lashing out in multiple directions and in ways that aren’t necessarily productive. You’re married with a child and another one on the way. For the sake of your family, I think you need to take some deep breaths and get a better handle on what’s getting to you. |
I don't think resentment causes cancer. If you hate the guy divorce is clearly the right answer although I wonder why you chose to have another kid with him. If you feel he has some redeeming qualities why not hire some household help? I have always been the primary breadwinner by a large margin and we outsource some things and DH picks up significant responsibilities, including all the cooking. Maybe you need marriage counseling. Also the turning off the direct deposit to your joint account to see how he responds is stupid and manipulative. If you can't have a normal conversation about this then it probably is time to divorce. |
Can you really not get by on a professor’s salary and whatever income you could generate with a less stressful job? Have you taken a close look at your expenses for what you could cut back on? Do you have an expensive home? Cars? Hobbies? |
What about insurance? |
Op is a selfish dimwit. The only ones who are going to suffer are the kids |
Nailed it. |
I'll never understand people who choose to marry someone with a certain career and career goal and then whine about how they don't like that career? You want someone who makes bank in the private sector? Why did you marry a professor or someone who wanted to be a professor? |