Wife Using Pregnancy As An Excuse

Anonymous
Why did you two decide to have a baby if you are struggling with resentment feelings? Therapy or divorce/coparenting. Resentment is like the death knell of relationships.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you're bored and want some women to text with and this is the best you could come up with. Go read a book.


OP here. I’m 100% faithful and don’t believe in cheating. I have no desire to talk to other women beyond cordial conversation.


Give it another three months and we’ll see you on here posting about how wonderful your AP is.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Examples?
I think it may be that you have seen this pattern before but pregnancy made it worse? Or you feel you are being manipulated overall? If the relationship was wonderful then I’m guessing this would not have come up


OP here. We have always had a really good relationship. We have issues like every other couple but nothing serious.

The things that have been bothering me is she uses pregnancy as an excuse. She has cut her hours at work - without talking about it first - and her excuse is she’s too tired to work. She has even brought up the idea that she quit work for now while pregnant because it’s too hard and difficult. She doesn’t sleep well and she will just call off work. The excuse again is she’s pregnant and too tired. If we make plans, and she decides she doesn’t want to do it, she will cancel because of pregnancy. When she doesn’t want to deal with something, she uses the excuse of her being pregnant.

She has been spending money like crazy. When I brought it up she got upset and said that it’s for the baby. I told her that we should set a budget since she will be off work for a while and doesn’t get full paid leave. She told me that I’m robbing her of the chance to enjoy this pregnancy.

She can’t handle anything negative because it makes her “ emotional”. I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells and I shouldn’t have to do that in my own home.







I know a couple like this. He said she was mean to him the whole pregnancy. She had been talking about having multiple kids.

They are one and done.

Anonymous
Se is likely to be more tired and not up to go out like she used to. Having a little empathy will go along way. Pamper her a little bit.

I
What's not okay is her quitting her job without discussing with you and blowing the budget. You both have to be on the same page about that.


But I think you're trolling because you're playing into the trope that women just get married to have men take care of them and quit working once they get pregnant.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This entire post is insane. Op is mad that his first trimester wife is tired, nauseous and not up to doing things? Op you can go eff yourself seriously. How hard is it to use google/ find a book to understand the basics of what pregnancy does to a woman’s body. And you better buckle up- I had a fine first trimester and worked no issues. At 20 weeks I was diagnosed with a super high risk issue and from then on I can’t even lift my daughter, do laundry, have sex and now I’m pulled off work. My husband has to do the brunt of the work now. Did not have any issues at all with our first so you need to really consider whether/ if you even want to pursue fatherhood. Jerk.


You ATA - she never said she was nauseous. She literally just doesn't want to do things and wants to be pampered. Kinda like when my daughter in law demanded a diamond "push ring" from my son.


Oh look. We found the lady who always posts about wanting frequent one on one lunch dates with her son.
Anonymous
I am pregnant with a cold.

Texts between my husband and me this AM:

Me: I hope you have a decent day babe. Thanks for taking care of us (me and toddler) this AM. We will survive but this (pregnancy in general) kind of sucks.

DH: My greatest pleasure

You suck OP. Do better.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.


OP here. She is 16 weeks.


16 weeks. She is being a total drama queen. You know and she knows every other woman not on bed rest is perfectly capable of doing all the "things" while pregnant. If she cancels on plans, then you go. Live your life - dont get sucked into this manipulation.



From about 7 - 16 weeks is the hardest part of pregnancy. Your ignorance is embarrassing.


Not for all women. And yes I was pregnant. Second trimester can be exhausting but my last trimester was the hardest.

Some women are princesses and sounds like yours is OP, but then again I am sure you knew that beforehand. Just make sure to get her a nanny, night nurse, chief, and housekeeper so she can manage it all. LOL.
Anonymous
Wow op things are about to get a whole lot worse.

There is no fixing this train.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.


OP here. She is 16 weeks.


16 weeks. She is being a total drama queen. You know and she knows every other woman not on bed rest is perfectly capable of doing all the "things" while pregnant. If she cancels on plans, then you go. Live your life - dont get sucked into this manipulation.



From about 7 - 16 weeks is the hardest part of pregnancy. Your ignorance is embarrassing.


Not for all women. And yes I was pregnant. Second trimester can be exhausting but my last trimester was the hardest.

Some women are princesses and sounds like yours is OP, but then again I am sure you knew that beforehand. Just make sure to get her a nanny, night nurse, chief, and housekeeper so she can manage it all. LOL.



What is wrong with all these things if you can afford it?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.


OP here. She is 16 weeks.


16 weeks. She is being a total drama queen. You know and she knows every other woman not on bed rest is perfectly capable of doing all the "things" while pregnant. If she cancels on plans, then you go. Live your life - dont get sucked into this manipulation.



From about 7 - 16 weeks is the hardest part of pregnancy. Your ignorance is embarrassing.


Not for all women. And yes I was pregnant. Second trimester can be exhausting but my last trimester was the hardest.

Some women are princesses and sounds like yours is OP, but then again I am sure you knew that beforehand. Just make sure to get her a nanny, night nurse, chief, and housekeeper so she can manage it all. LOL.


So if your last trimester was the hardest why are you discounting that somebody's first trimester or first and second can be hard or that the whole pregnancy can be difficult.
I mean talk about women being women's own worst enemy.
This is like women who insist labor is not painful and didn't feel anything until they had to push. While that is great for you that is not a universal experience. And we all shouldn't be held to a standard of someone else's experiences.

Fatigue and exhaustion as well as nausea are common symptoms of pregnancy.
Anonymous
I wish I had been more of a princess. Instead I sucked it up and kept working and doing everything until I ended up with high BP. I should have dialed it way way back earlier.
Anonymous
I think this thread and the one from the guy who claims to have a bad/lazy sahm ("sham") are from the same troll trying to rile people up about the idea of women being lazy and entitled around motherhood.

I was actually talking to my DH about the SAHM thread and we were discussing how it's interesting that at some point a narrative formed in the US that it is normal or expected that a woman would be able to care for multiple very young kids at home alone with no help (including no family, no community of fellow sahms sharing childcare duties, no assistance with housework, and no help from spouse) and that have even PT childcare care help or having a partner who contributed nights or weekends with childcare or housework made the job super easy. It's just an odd narrative because that's never been true in the history of mankind, and moms today are more isolated and get less "village" help from family and neighbors than they once did. Of course caring for young kids 24/7 is hard and a more than full time job by itself, and of course someone doing that job could also use childcare help and help with cooking and cleaning to be functional. Like it just seems self-evident but as a society we've invented this myth of the do-it-all-alone sahm.

And now this thread is the same idea but about pregnancy. Just ignoring everything we know about what pregnancy does to the boy, common symptoms of pregnancy, some obvious things about the toll that physically making a body will take on you. As recently as 30 years ago, we had the attitude that pregnant woman should not just take it easy but that it was irresposible for them not to. Companies used the difficult of pregnancy as pretext to fire pregnant women, a visibly pregnant woman exercising or performing even light labor would be chastised for risking the pregnancy. That was it's own form of misogyny (an excuse to control women an restrict what they could do in the name of protecting the baby) but it at least acknowledged the idea that pregnancy is not some effortless process that goes on in the background of a woman's operating system requiring no extra care or energy. Now people are like "of course you will work right up until your due date, continue to exercise, express no discomfort or tiredness, and require no support for mental health or the huge mental shift a first-time mom makes during this time." No need to give a pregnant woman a seat on the bus or cut a pregnant colleague some slack if she's exhausted in her first trimester. Pregnancy is nothing, a blip, and any woman who thinks otherwise is a manipulative drama queen.

It's just dehumanizing. We've gone from "hey women deserve the same rights and opportunities as men" to "women should do everything men do even while bearing and raising children because those things require no effort or special accommodation." It's just a different brand of misogyny, a worse one in my mind, because it simply erases everything women have always done with regards to bearing and raising kids and pretends it's not happening at all.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been more of a princess. Instead I sucked it up and kept working and doing everything until I ended up with high BP. I should have dialed it way way back earlier.


Same. I wish it wasn't considered "being a princess" to ask for reasonable accommodations during pregnancy. People act like it's just nothing. Or that you are selfish if you ask for help because you should simply feel lucky to be pregnant at all.

The narratives around pregnancy in our culture are so messed up. It should be *normal* for a woman to be able to roll back her work hours during the parts of pregnancy when she is fatigues or feeling unwell. Why should someone be expected to work through that like it's not happening? Most women do start to feel better and could ramp back up some, but some women might need a bigger break. This should all just be normalized and accepted, I don't understand why we need pregnant women to behave as though they aren't pregnant at all. It's just weird.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Examples?
I think it may be that you have seen this pattern before but pregnancy made it worse? Or you feel you are being manipulated overall? If the relationship was wonderful then I’m guessing this would not have come up


OP here. We have always had a really good relationship. We have issues like every other couple but nothing serious.

The things that have been bothering me is she uses pregnancy as an excuse. She has cut her hours at work - without talking about it first - and her excuse is she’s too tired to work. She has even brought up the idea that she quit work for now while pregnant because it’s too hard and difficult. She doesn’t sleep well and she will just call off work. The excuse again is she’s pregnant and too tired. If we make plans, and she decides she doesn’t want to do it, she will cancel because of pregnancy. When she doesn’t want to deal with something, she uses the excuse of her being pregnant.

She has been spending money like crazy. When I brought it up she got upset and said that it’s for the baby. I told her that we should set a budget since she will be off work for a while and doesn’t get full paid leave. She told me that I’m robbing her of the chance to enjoy this pregnancy.

She can’t handle anything negative because it makes her “ emotional”. I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells and I shouldn’t have to do that in my own home.







It's hard to know whether she's exaggerating or not because every pregnancy is different, OP. There are women who do become extremely tired, or extremely dehydrated because of vomiting. Please read up on the main pregnancy complications and memorize the symptoms, because some are life-threatening. You might end up missing a key symptom of a life-threatening issue if you think she's crying wolf all the time.

I would bring up her current fatigue with the OB, and ask for extra bloodwork. This will show you're taking her symptoms seriously, and will hopefully also make her realize she can do more even when she's pregnant. Generally women are fatigued during the first and third trimester. The second trimester is supposed to be the one when you're feeling most energetic. Again, that's a general rule, there are exceptions.

There is no excuse for spending too much money. Yes, pregnant women are hormonal, but come on.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How far along is she?

I think i was a pretty chill pregnant lady but I had a very easy pregnancy and most women don’t.

Try to be more understanding.


OP here. She is 16 weeks.


16 weeks. She is being a total drama queen. You know and she knows every other woman not on bed rest is perfectly capable of doing all the "things" while pregnant. If she cancels on plans, then you go. Live your life - dont get sucked into this manipulation.



From about 7 - 16 weeks is the hardest part of pregnancy. Your ignorance is embarrassing.


Not for all women. And yes I was pregnant. Second trimester can be exhausting but my last trimester was the hardest.

Some women are princesses and sounds like yours is OP, but then again I am sure you knew that beforehand. Just make sure to get her a nanny, night nurse, chief, and housekeeper so she can manage it all. LOL.


So if your last trimester was the hardest why are you discounting that somebody's first trimester or first and second can be hard or that the whole pregnancy can be difficult.
I mean talk about women being women's own worst enemy.
This is like women who insist labor is not painful and didn't feel anything until they had to push. While that is great for you that is not a universal experience. And we all shouldn't be held to a standard of someone else's experiences.

Fatigue and exhaustion as well as nausea are common symptoms of pregnancy.


+1, every pregnancy is different, it's so weird to me when someone insist that anyone who has a different experience than them must be lying or trying to get away with something.

My pregnancy was pretty rough all the way through for a variety of reasons, and at every stage I heard "oh this isn't even the hard part" but also "oh after this is get's easier" (I had HG, hip dysplasia, really bad acid reflux, and migraines throughout pregnancy, so neither of these things were ever true for me -- it was hard and got harder until I had my baby which resolved most but not all of my issues).
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