Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

I saw a video recently by a woman who divorced after 20+ years of being a SAHM.

She said something like, "I never really realized that my financial security and my kids' financial security depended on whether my husband continued to love me."

When/if the working spouse falls out of love, has an affair, has a midlife crisis or a mental health issue, unexpectedly dies or becomes disabled -- you WILL regret having stayed out of the labor force.

OP, you're smart enough to know that. It feels like you're playing dumb to say, "Why do women work when they don't have to?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP
But can we get more personal stories on why women in this category PREFER to work? I'm finding that interesting.

Can we please not do the whole risk man plan might die thing. We all know that. Everyone accepts risks differently. So let's eliminate that risk variable.

I don't stay home for the same reason a SAHM's husband doesn't: it's dull. I like spending quality time with my child, but realistically, most of the time is not quality time. When you stop breast-feeding, you spend your time cooking, cleaning and doing chores. A child also spends much of its time sleeping and not with you. Once it starts school, you're not spending most of the day with him at all. I love my child more than I love my job, but I love my job more than I love doing chores.

[Anonymous]

I was finishing my residency and had to finish or basically never work.
After that, I was planning to stay home, but we ended up moving to a small town where I was the only doctor in my specialty, and I felt obligated to work.
When we moved to the city, I felt I had some knowledge to impart and took at job at a teaching hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP
But can we get more personal stories on why women in this category PREFER to work? I'm finding that interesting.

Can we please not do the whole risk man plan might die thing. We all know that. Everyone accepts risks differently. So let's eliminate that risk variable.

I don't stay home for the same reason a SAHM's husband doesn't: it's dull. I like spending quality time with my child, but realistically, most of the time is not quality time. When you stop breast-feeding, you spend your time cooking, cleaning and doing chores. A child also spends much of its time sleeping and not with you. Once it starts school, you're not spending most of the day with him at all. I love my child more than I love my job, but I love my job more than I love doing chores.

I do genuinely wonder what SAHMs do all day when their kids are at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I couldn't deal with being SAHM, I would go stir crazy. I enjoy contributing to society and extending my efforts and mental abilities to beyond that of a mother and wife. My DH helps a lot with childcare and home chores. We have cleaning service. When kids were younger, had nannies/babysitters in addition to kids going to daycare/preschool early on.

Sounds like feminism did its damage. I don't understand how so many women believe that being a corporate cog is more meaningful than being a mother.

You are a deliberate sh*t stirrer. No one believes that. But most of us know that being a good mother requires more than quitting work to stay home.

Yup. I am teaching my son that women aren't here for the sole purpose of making men's lives easier. He sees that I am fully human and capable of anything his father is.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have comparable incomes (high enough for either to stay home) and split the home and kid duties. We also outsource with paid help and have local family.

My work is in a field I find really interesting and would not want to step away from. We have pretty manageable and mostly WFH hours. I feel like it's a very equal marriage which is important to me.

We have two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

OP here. Men aren't as helpful around the house, at least not in my experience. They might cook or clean from time to time, but they're not as involved with their children and women are.

That’s your experience. It’s not some universal truth. Some of us picked wisely.

+1 some guys are just duds. I don't know why OP thinks her experience must be everyone's.

[Anonymous]

There's an extra apostrophe in your title, OP.

Some of us like to stay sharp

[Anonymous]

I genuinely enjoy working. I stayed at home until DS was 3. It was fine, but I also knew it wasn't something I wanted to do long term. I also hated being dependent on DH. I have zero issues with SAHM, my mom was one. .l

However, I work 3 14 hr shifts a week so I do get some of the benefits of being one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I couldn't deal with being SAHM, I would go stir crazy. I enjoy contributing to society and extending my efforts and mental abilities to beyond that of a mother and wife. My DH helps a lot with childcare and home chores. We have cleaning service. When kids were younger, had nannies/babysitters in addition to kids going to daycare/preschool early on.

Sounds like feminism did its damage. I don't understand how so many women believe that being a corporate cog is more meaningful than being a mother.

Please explain why this rests with women and not men. Why are men allowed to find things other than fatherhood more meaningful?

Are you familiar with Adam and Eve?

WTF? There are no children or families in that story, so not sure what this is about…

[Anonymous]

Because I enjoy my work, and would hate being a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

I had what would be considered a rather prestigious finance job and quit to stay at home and be with my kids, close to 20 years ago. Here is my take.

Finances: I was sort of in a unicorn situation where I had family money and would have been fine if we got divorced, DH also had plenty of savings/family money, enough for us to be comfortable even if something happened to him. Me brining in my income (which was significant) wouldn't have made a significant difference in our lives. I could've also gone back to work if after a year or two I regretted the decision.

Personal: I was well educated, great at my job, and loved it. However, I would've rarely seen my baby if I'd kept working. Working remotely or part time was not an option. Times were different, this was in the early 2000s. I think if I'd been a few years younger, I would've gone this route. I worried about not feeling fulfilled, honestly, I didn't love all the aspects of taking care of small children. However, it was not all about me. I was doing what I felt was best for my family. We did not have any family around to help. AT. ALL. This was big and I think people underestimate how helpful it is to have someone who is around, even just once or twice a year, or in true emergencies. DH's job was very demanding and he wasn't around either. For posters that say DH pitched in cooking dinner every night, did laundry on weekends, etc., not everyone's job affords these options. I could hire whatever help I wanted to help me, and basically had a blank check. Many people bad or mediocre, some were good, and a few were excellent. It was really hard to find the excellent ones who were available all the hours I would've needed to have kept working myself.
Also, it turned out my kids had some learning disabilities and other challenges. That can completely change the situation too.

[Anonymous]

Because I enjoy intellectual pursuits and career-related growth opportunities that contribute to a balanced feeling of fulfillment, in addition to the dimension of fulfillment that comes from being a mom and spending time with my kids. For some, it also reduces risk which is appealing (if the sole breadwinner is forced to stop working due to disability or other incapacitation, you have a backup plan). We’re at a place where one of us could quit but it kinda makes me sad to think about doing so (even though work can be a PIA at times, lol).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

OP here. Men aren't as helpful around the house, at least not in my experience. They might cook or clean from time to time, but they're not as involved with their children and women are.

DP

Sorry you married a dud. I have a DH who is totally interchangeable with me. My pay is equal to DH and either of us could quit if we wanted to stay home. We actually want to set a good example to our kids. We are both engaged at home AND at work. Both of us have PhDs and we didn’t get those to clean, drive kids, and volunteer for asinine PTO projects all day. We only do the things we find really engaging and prioritize quality family time.

Yes, it’s possible to ‘do it all’ for those of use with the foresight to set up our lives that way from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband both work part time (80%), neither of them cook or clean, they only have two children, and they live near his helpful parents. They also live in LA, and her income substantially changes the house they can afford, vacations they can take, etc.
In addition, she works in a competitive field that it would be very hard for her to return to if she takes a few years off.

Literally none of this was true for me. I like to make meals for my family, have four children, and lived in a lower COL area where we didn’t spend all of the money my husband made, even after contributing to retirement. I took about eight years working about 10 hours a month before coming back to 50% and eventually FT work without a big hit to my career.