My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

There is no way this is a real post. I refuse to believe someone could write the things OP has and fail to realize how she comes off.

And I'm not saying that her husband definitely has to go to bat for his nephew - there's a lot that goes into that. But OP's attitude and description - holy smokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

Sounds like the kid is getting ideas of rising above his station. Favors are reserved for similarly situated kids not middle class relatives.

One correction - in OP's world, "Favors are reserved for similarly situated kids whose families may be in a position to return the favor some day, not middle class relatives." It's all transactional.

[Anonymous]

The husband should make all the motions to practice interview skills and give his nephew advice on polishing his resume, etc, but in no way should he get his nephew a job that he's not qualified for. It's going to harm both of them!

[Anonymous]

Why isn’t the nephew asking for help instead of his mother and father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way this is a real post. I refuse to believe someone could write the things OP has and fail to realize how she comes off.

And I'm not saying that her husband definitely has to go to bat for his nephew - there's a lot that goes into that. But OP's attitude and description - holy smokes.

I agree with OP, not sure why people are so tribal about their families. OP is delicately stating that the nephew is not that bright or capable. You can't make a round peg fit into a square hole. OP is demonstrating great ethics by stating that DESERVING youngsters, regardless of whether there's a family link or not, earn recommendations and help.

Isn't that how it should be?!? I think OP has her head screwed on the right way, unlike some of you posters.

And I say this as the parent of one neurotypical child and one child with issues. I do not want anyone sticking their neck out for my beloved "aimless" son. I want people to help him get a job that he can be successful in. BIG difference!!!

Come on, people. Be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way this is a real post. I refuse to believe someone could write the things OP has and fail to realize how she comes off.

And I'm not saying that her husband definitely has to go to bat for his nephew - there's a lot that goes into that. But OP's attitude and description - holy smokes.

I agree with OP, not sure why people are so tribal about their families. OP is delicately stating that the nephew is not that bright or capable. You can't make a round peg fit into a square hole. OP is demonstrating great ethics by stating that DESERVING youngsters, regardless of whether there's a family link or not, earn recommendations and help.

Isn't that how it should be?!? I think OP has her head screwed on the right way, unlike some of you posters.

And I say this as the parent of one neurotypical child and one child with issues. I do not want anyone sticking their neck out for my beloved "aimless" son. I want people to help him get a job that he can be successful in. BIG difference!!!

Come on, people. Be reasonable.

The problem is with the bolded. It is either all about merit, or it isn't. "Deserving" kids may get the job based on merit, but they don't "deserve" more help than anyone else. If you are willing to help family friends, you should be willing to help family.

And let's be real...nobody is asking for straight up nepotism and getting the kid a job he truly can't hack. They are asking for some help and connections, most likely. And DH should provide it. It also appears, though we can't be sure, that OP is not making real distinctions about merit here. She said that nephew "isn't lighting the world on fire" and that family friends are "very charming and highly ambitious."

[Anonymous]

My husband does this for family, and even for kids of friends if he really likes the parent. He asks the person who could potentially help the kid to take a look. If it's someone impressive, he says they are. If it's someone who is not so impressive, he will just ask the person to take a look, see what they think and explain the connection. They all get interviews. He feels strongly about helping anyone he can. He also doesn't do it often enough where it becomes a nuisance.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn't like her sister, BIL or the nephew. I can't imagine not wanting to help any of my nieces or nephews, and they aren't all rock stars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is our oldest nephew and I'm a SAHM, so I've never been through this before. Nephew is graduating from college. Sister and BIL are middle class. I'm a bit uncomfortable with my husband putting his neck out for an in-law who honestly doesn't seem deserving of a backdoor to a lucrative job. Or is this just how the world works and I should encourage my husband to help? My husband has helped a couple of close friends' kids, but they all had pretty impressive CVs, so I don't think they really even needed the lift.

You seem very contemptuous of your sister and her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

This is in no way responsive to the question asked. PP was not disputing that there ARE six figure entry level jobs out there, rather questioning whether OP was being accurate when she said that the request was actually for DH to secure any old six figure salary regardless of qualifications. (it wasn't)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why your husband would not want to assist. It's hard to get one's first job.

Because he has to stick his neck out and doesn’t know if nephew can do it.

She hasn't even asked him. She's saying that she thinks her nephew, being middle class, is not as impressive as the rich kids her DH has helped. He hasn't said that, she's just ashamed of her roots or something and projecting onto a college kid trying to get his first job. Get over it, OP. Don't block your nephew's blessings because you feel like the rich kids deserve a hand up but a middle class kid will eat with his hands in the company lunchroom or something and expose you as a yokel.

Yup. OP ITA.

People never fail to shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

This is in no way responsive to the question asked. PP was not disputing that there ARE six figure entry level jobs out there, rather questioning whether OP was being accurate when she said that the request was actually for DH to secure any old six figure salary regardless of qualifications. (it wasn't)

This is my thread. My husband and much of his family are in finance. My nephew can get a normal job offer. I believe those pay 50k to 60k on average? My sister and BIL do not want my husband’s help to get a normal job offer, they want his connections to get their son an extremely competitive 100k finance type of job offer. My nephew does not qualify for those jobs. The students my husband has helped qualified and still asked for help because those internships and six figure job offers are so competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

This is in no way responsive to the question asked. PP was not disputing that there ARE six figure entry level jobs out there, rather questioning whether OP was being accurate when she said that the request was actually for DH to secure any old six figure salary regardless of qualifications. (it wasn't)

This is my thread. My husband and much of his family are in finance. My nephew can get a normal job offer. I believe those pay 50k to 60k on average? My sister and BIL do not want my husband’s help to get a normal job offer, they want his connections to get their son an extremely competitive 100k finance type of job offer. My nephew does not qualify for those jobs. The students my husband has helped qualified and still asked for help because those internships and six figure job offers are so competitive.

I like how you, being unemployed, don't even know what "normal jobs" pay. But you're pretty sure that you are uniquely qualified to tell who deserves what job and particularly who deserves access to your husband, from whom you derive all of your sexually-transmitted finance world know-how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't like her sister, BIL or the nephew. I can't imagine not wanting to help any of my nieces or nephews, and they aren't all rock stars.

I think the disconnect here is a lack of awareness in how difficult it is to get a Wall Street analyst job. Students grind for four years, have one to three summer internships in finance, perfect grades, attend a target university, leadership in selective student orgs, training on Bloomberg terminal and Excel, and strong references. The first year pay can be over $150,000 after bonus. It’s up there with getting into U.S. medical school or a top law school. If a college senior has basically none of the qualifications, whoever vouches for the kid so he can cut everyone who actually worked their butt off is sticking their neck out.

It is very easy to type you’d stick your neck out or create friction in your marriage to make a spouse help in-laws on a forum.