Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

DC '22 benefited from covid adjustments - thrived in Zoom school, and didn't even bother with SAT/ACT. Applied test-optional to ONE solid match school, was accepted. Done and done. Having engineered a bit too much for older sibling, I think this is a great way to go as long as you're not chasing T10!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

+1

Same here. This is the way it should be.

Doubt you would feel the same if your kid was not a straight A student, great test taker and a good writer without your intervention. Or if the essays were terrible in your opinion when you first reviewed them.

If your kid isn’t a good writer without your intervention, are you still going to be helping them in college and beyond? Serious question.

Not PP, but my answer is that no I would not help them in college and beyond. But I absolutely would provide the help they needed while in school to get better at writing, whether that be more classes, more tutors, or more of my own intervention to review and help.

I'm interested in where the "their in HS, don't do anything to help them" crowd draw the line. Is it freshman year? Or are you throwing your hands up about a second grader learning to read and saying it is just up to them? If you had a sixth grader who really wanted to be on the middle school soccer team, would you say no to signing them up with a coach or looking for the best team?

I read that the “do it on your own” ethos is really built from trauma and unhealthy patterns adults experienced in their own childhood. “I did it on my own so you should too” etc.

It takes real work to push past that type of thinking, but plenty of families get stuck in it. It’s too bad because the world is so different and not as simple to navigate as it was in previous eras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight A kids in most "advanced" track with little effort. How? We told them they need to get good grades. It's not that hard to ask if they did their homework and check in on progress throughout the school year.

One sport and one extracurricular (think drama or instrument), by choice. None of which will make any difference in their apps. no captains/chairs/leads. Just for fun.

We encouraged reading novels early (trips to the library and reading to them almost every night when they were young), and now they do it by choice because they enjoy it. This is what I believe has made all the difference in everything academic.

Will pay for some kind of SAT prep materials/class in a year or so. It's a test; you should study for it.

Otherwise, that's it. Just engaging and being aware is all you need to do to raise academically capable kids with a reasonable college future.

We are donut hole and will not be paying for anything other than in-state rates, so JMU/GMU/VT are fine for us assuming everything holds.

UVA and WM seem like reasonable targets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm SUCH a GREAT parent! I say NO to the hamster wheel before my kids even start their careers! They're not the greatest at math and writing, but I have REFUSED to pay for a tutor, even though they know I can afford one! Because I am NOT a sheep! This will ensure they maximize their chance at Life! And by Life, I mean stuck at a no-name private university they don't like, while I pay through the nose because I'm too rich for financial aid, and too stupid for merit aid. My kids are going to be rejected from their state flagship, which have become unaccountably selective (people told me, but I didn't believe it), and I'm too proud to get them into the lesser state colleges! I've been warned about this multiple times on DCUM, but I'm contrary and PROUD of it.

#WINNING.

Ma’am this is an Arby’s

[Anonymous]

My kid got into Harvard and I didn’t do anything at all except donate $10 million for a new building.

You Tiger Parents are nuts.

[Anonymous]

We parented the kids we had. DC #1 was confident, motivated, knew what she wanted, needed very little other than rides to college visits. Had this been our only kid we easily could have convinced ourselves that hands-off was “better.”

DC #2 was different. Between covid, medical issues, social anxiety and a severe lack of confidence, this kid needed more help. We worked together on SAT prep, during which she discovered she could perform at much higher levels than she had previously believed. We hired an hourly college advisor to talk to her then suggest some good-fit schools, which helped boost confidence and get her past deer-in-headlights overwhelm. We read a couple of essay starts and told her which one felt least practiced and most authentically “her.”

None of it was about shoehorning the kid into some false admissions package. All of it was about helping this specific kid through a valuable process of self-discovery — one that I suspect will continue to be of benefit long after the process is over. The idea that you’re either hands-off or playing some tiger-parent UMC game, with the “prize” a sticker on a car, feels like a false choice. The college process can be so meaningful to a kid still discovering who they are and what they can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC '22 benefited from covid adjustments - thrived in Zoom school, and didn't even bother with SAT/ACT. Applied test-optional to ONE solid match school, was accepted. Done and done. Having engineered a bit too much for older sibling, I think this is a great way to go as long as you're not chasing T10!

If you had junior year online and didn’t get into a top school you never got out of bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

+1

Same here. This is the way it should be.

Doubt you would feel the same if your kid was not a straight A student, great test taker and a good writer without your intervention. Or if the essays were terrible in your opinion when you first reviewed them.

If your kid isn’t a good writer without your intervention, are you still going to be helping them in college and beyond? Serious question.

Not PP, but my answer is that no I would not help them in college and beyond. But I absolutely would provide the help they needed while in school to get better at writing, whether that be more classes, more tutors, or more of my own intervention to review and help.

I'm interested in where the "their in HS, don't do anything to help them" crowd draw the line. Is it freshman year? Or are you throwing your hands up about a second grader learning to read and saying it is just up to them? If you had a sixth grader who really wanted to be on the middle school soccer team, would you say no to signing them up with a coach or looking for the best team?

I read that the “do it on your own” ethos is really built from trauma and unhealthy patterns adults experienced in their own childhood. “I did it on my own so you should too” etc.

It takes real work to push past that type of thinking, but plenty of families get stuck in it. It’s too bad because the world is so different and not as simple to navigate as it was in previous eras.

This is a really interesting perspective, and actually very helpful well beyond college stuff. I will admit that I don’t always know where the line is between healthy support and indulging/creating a sense of entitlement. But I appreciate this being articulated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm SUCH a GREAT parent! I say NO to the hamster wheel before my kids even start their careers! They're not the greatest at math and writing, but I have REFUSED to pay for a tutor, even though they know I can afford one! Because I am NOT a sheep! This will ensure they maximize their chance at Life! And by Life, I mean stuck at a no-name private university they don't like, while I pay through the nose because I'm too rich for financial aid, and too stupid for merit aid. My kids are going to be rejected from their state flagship, which have become unaccountably selective (people told me, but I didn't believe it), and I'm too proud to get them into the lesser state colleges! I've been warned about this multiple times on DCUM, but I'm contrary and PROUD of it.

#WINNING.

You don’t sound as clever as you think you do PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been telling our kids since they were little that there’s a school for everyone, college is not an end goal in and of itself, and they don’t need to go to any specific school or set of schools to have a successful life as they define it.

So, now they’re in high school and we’re walking the talk. No test prep, no tutors, no college admission counselors, no steering them towards activities or summer experiences or courses or honor societies they’re not interested in because we think it will give them a better shot at college admission.

I feel confident in that decision, until I talk to other parents who are doing All the Things, and then tbh I’m a little stressed.

How did your family navigate the process? Any regrets?

We did a hybrid version:
Test prep was them using a $25 prep book and taking test once or twice
No paid counselor, but I learned a lot and advised
No pushing activities they didn't want, but suggesting opps I thought would be helpful for college as well as interest kid. Also said "do something" in 9th grade when they wanted to do nothing. Also, made them aware of how doing more would increase potential of admittance to schools where we would get FA or higher merit and equally aware of what options would be if they did little or nothing. Ball is in your court, Kid.
Did encourage them towards rigor. I'll admit it. And to max grades b/c we are in an inflated district (MCPS)
Also pushed a bit of service. It's good for the soul as well as the resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm SUCH a GREAT parent! I say NO to the hamster wheel before my kids even start their careers! They're not the greatest at math and writing, but I have REFUSED to pay for a tutor, even though they know I can afford one! Because I am NOT a sheep! This will ensure they maximize their chance at Life! And by Life, I mean stuck at a no-name private university they don't like, while I pay through the nose because I'm too rich for financial aid, and too stupid for merit aid. My kids are going to be rejected from their state flagship, which have become unaccountably selective (people told me, but I didn't believe it), and I'm too proud to get them into the lesser state colleges! I've been warned about this multiple times on DCUM, but I'm contrary and PROUD of it.

#WINNING.

Fun thing, with good grades and a few honest interest EC (that can entail some form of leadership or prizes), kids still get into state flagships. Not everybody needs tutors and college counselors.

Your post comes across as a plain attempt to create controversy or flame war.

It was a satirical take on OP. Was it the hashtag that tipped you off? Are you entirely devoid of humor?

Did it hit too close to home for it to be funny? Looks like it did for a few posters.

It was an attempt at humor and it failed. It just came off as annoying and passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

You have got to be kidding me. This kind of thinking is so so harmful to kids. Are you that desperate for a “top” school? Because you know kids can be successful and get an excellent education at pretty much any T150 school.

Top 150 schools aren’t so easy to get into. Plus they’re expensive. Why wouldn’t you help your kid navigate the process? I don’t understand parents who refuse to help or engage. One of my kid’s closest friends has to do everything on her own, and it’s a very lonely process for her. She sure could use her parent’s support.

+1 DD had a friend with no parent support (while they were capable of helping) during senior year and she was stressed, anxious, and angry to know that she was on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

You have got to be kidding me. This kind of thinking is so so harmful to kids. Are you that desperate for a “top” school? Because you know kids can be successful and get an excellent education at pretty much any T150 school.

Top 150 schools aren’t so easy to get into. Plus they’re expensive. Why wouldn’t you help your kid navigate the process? I don’t understand parents who refuse to help or engage. One of my kid’s closest friends has to do everything on her own, and it’s a very lonely process for her. She sure could use her parent’s support.

+1 DD had a friend with no parent support (while they were capable of helping) during senior year and she was stressed, anxious, and angry to know that she was on her own.

Agree. This was me. I ended up at a basic state school because I just didn’t know any better or how to navigate college applications or improve odds of going to better school (which obviously starts way earlier, but I didn’t have academic support then either). While I did fine, the study body was not a good fit for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

You have got to be kidding me. This kind of thinking is so so harmful to kids. Are you that desperate for a “top” school? Because you know kids can be successful and get an excellent education at pretty much any T150 school.

Top 150 schools aren’t so easy to get into. Plus they’re expensive. Why wouldn’t you help your kid navigate the process? I don’t understand parents who refuse to help or engage. One of my kid’s closest friends has to do everything on her own, and it’s a very lonely process for her. She sure could use her parent’s support.

+1 DD had a friend with no parent support (while they were capable of helping) during senior year and she was stressed, anxious, and angry to know that she was on her own.

+2 Colleges assume that if you have college-educated parents you are getting support/guidance from them. That's why 1st gen students get a boost, they assume those kids lack the support not-1st-gen student have and so should get a bit of understanding of that in the process.

[Anonymous]

We did "all the things" for both children. One child, high stats, 35 ACT, was shut out of targets (UMI, UNC, etc), WL at reaches (Harvard, Vanderbilt), and is attending a safety - happily I might add. One child had a list that ED seemed reasonable (target for our child, maybe a reach for others?), top 50 school, accepted and is attending. Reaches and targets were not as high reaching as their sibling, because they saw what a crap shoot it is