Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been telling our kids since they were little that there’s a school for everyone, college is not an end goal in and of itself, and they don’t need to go to any specific school or set of schools to have a successful life as they define it.

So, now they’re in high school and we’re walking the talk. No test prep, no tutors, no college admission counselors, no steering them towards activities or summer experiences or courses or honor societies they’re not interested in because we think it will give them a better shot at college admission.

I feel confident in that decision, until I talk to other parents who are doing All the Things, and then tbh I’m a little stressed.

How did your family navigate the process? Any regrets?

[Anonymous]

You've been talking about college with your kids since they were little?

[Anonymous]

We did All the Things, except we did them too late thanks to a combination of cluelessness and the pandemic. You may have kids who can position themselves for future success without any parental guidance from 14-1. I don't. No regrets except the late start, which we've remedied with kid 2.

And btw, my emphasis is not primarily about money - you don't have to pay for tutors/test prep etc. But you do have to be aware of the landscape for college admissions, which is radically different than whatever today's parents experienced, no matter what their age. And if your kid is in a DMV public school, they have no meaningful counseling services for kids applying to college.

So yes, they may figure out a path on their own, but why would you have kids and presumably spend a lot of time and money guiding them through all the key stages of childhood and then wash your hands of it all just when their future is on the line?

[Anonymous]

Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

Oh and he did the sport/activities he loves - no packaging him, etc.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

[Anonymous]

We did test prep only because DD’s score on her mock ACT was dismal (20). No counselor, no forcing EC’s, community service, sports, anything like that. She handled the application 100% herself. We didn’t even read her essay. She’s in at one of her top choices (and received significant merit) so now considers any other acceptances a bonus. We are so so glad we didn’t go nutty with things - not sure how getting into a “better” name brand school and paying 80K is preferable to going to a school ranked in the top 60 with a price tag in the high 30’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've been talking about college with your kids since they were little?

We weren’t talking to toddlers about admit rates and yield protection, but sure, our kids have always known college exists. DH is a big sports fan, so they’ve always gone to college sporting events. And DH went back for another degree when they were preschoolers, so they knew about it that way as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

+1

Same here. This is the way it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

You have got to be kidding me. This kind of thinking is so so harmful to kids. Are you that desperate for a “top” school? Because you know kids can be successful and get an excellent education at pretty much any T150 school.

[Anonymous]

We did all the things we thought our kids would need to be successful at the stage they were in.
It's so interesting now to hear from them on what helped/what didn't help/what helped a lot-- you just don't know what those things are when they are going through it.

Great for you if you have totally independent, naturally talented kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did All the Things, except we did them too late thanks to a combination of cluelessness and the pandemic. You may have kids who can position themselves for future success without any parental guidance from 14-1. I don't. No regrets except the late start, which we've remedied with kid 2.

And btw, my emphasis is not primarily about money - you don't have to pay for tutors/test prep etc. But you do have to be aware of the landscape for college admissions, which is radically different than whatever today's parents experienced, no matter what their age. And if your kid is in a DMV public school, they have no meaningful counseling services for kids applying to college.

So yes, they may figure out a path on their own, but why would you have kids and presumably spend a lot of time and money guiding them through all the key stages of childhood and then wash your hands of it all just when their future is on the line?

This is like doomsday thinking. Undergrad isn’t making or breaking anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

I agree that there's a disconnect between saying there's a place for everyone, and doing nothing to help them identify what their place is.

Community college is the place for everyone, and it's great that it's there. But beyond that, you have to engage in the process at least a little.

[Anonymous]

We did this and both my kids ended up at great schools. A highly ranked LAC and a well-regarded state school.

We stressed fit over ranking/prestige when suggesting colleges. This should be the focus.Figure out what your kid wants regarding size, location, sports, academic majors/programs, distance from home, weather, etc. Based on our experience at a competitive public HS, kids will get plenty of input from peers about college searching/choices focused on rankings of colleges.

One kid was less-focused and applied to a range of schools but ultimately chose the "best" (ranked) one.
The other kid was very focused/particular and applied ED along with a couple safeties, got into the ED choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to do all of “the things” but to do nothing, seems neglectful.

I agree that there's a disconnect between saying there's a place for everyone, and doing nothing to help them identify what their place is.

Community college is the place for everyone, and it's great that it's there. But beyond that, you have to engage in the process at least a little.

We took our DD to see lots of different schools. Also suggested she go online and take online tours of certain ones, and to start researching what she’d like in a school. That’s helping with the process a little.
15K college counselors, essay tutors, helping them start a nonprofit, forcing sports and extracurriculars…that’s not “helping the process a little.” That’s over the top gunning for sure.