Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

There’s a big difference between directionless nagging and targeted help.

Of course, it also depends on what the kid wants. If your kid understands their options and thinks VCU is great, leave things alone. If your kid wants to try for Harvard, help them understand what it takes.

A lot of kids think they are supposed to want to try for Harvard. We told our kids we don’t want to pay for Harvard (or similar) because we don’t think it’s worth either the sticker price or the non-monetary price schools like that exact from kids in high school. I figured if the kids had any intrinsic desire to try for Harvard, they’d at least fight us about it. No fights.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the point of a college counselor unless your kid doesn’t like to talk to you or you can’t collaborate with your kids.

No tutors
No college counselor
We did do test prep but it did not help, and Princeton refunded our money.

Kid had late adhd diagnosis and major anxiety. Still had good grades and acceptance to T50.

The kid chose not to be pointy—or whatever the T10 wants. We are not ones to force things, especially when they had such anxiety.

We now have a happy college kid! They are doing well in school, found a field of study they love, and have a supportive friend group. They love their school and will soon perform at school in front of thousands of people. They’ve come a long way!!

[Anonymous]

Must be a snow day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

There’s a big difference between directionless nagging and targeted help.

Of course, it also depends on what the kid wants. If your kid understands their options and thinks VCU is great, leave things alone. If your kid wants to try for Harvard, help them understand what it takes.

A lot of kids think they are supposed to want to try for Harvard. We told our kids we don’t want to pay for Harvard (or similar) because we don’t think it’s worth either the sticker price or the non-monetary price schools like that exact from kids in high school. I figured if the kids had any intrinsic desire to try for Harvard, they’d at least fight us about it. No fights.

DC expressed interest in an Ivy and we sat them down and said the price to buy the lottery ticket is a 4.0/1500 minimum.

If you want to do that great we will use every resource we have to help you, but that’s who gets in (5% chance to boot).

DC got a lot less interested after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We opted in. We technically won. Then we quickly realized it is all so pointless and superficial. I say this with all due respect: Get a life and stop living through your kids’ credentials. Literally nobody cares where your kids go to college. It’s a brief topic of conversation once maybe twice (decision time and dorm move-in) and that is literally it. After that it’s another round of status hoops like internships, fellowships, grad schools and full time offers. And who they’re dating and what prestige expensive city they’re living in. It never ends. Looking back the top high school students do well WHEREVER they go. Period. It is VERY predictable. Kids either have “it” when they’re 16 or 17 or they don’t. No amount of your lunatic tiger parenting is fundamentally changing your kids or fooling their professors, the people who can hire them, nor the peers you wish would date them.

This is true. Look at the parents. Where did the parents (did the dad AND the mom do well - that SAHM, maybe she has a master's that you could not attain today) attend? Did the parents come here and go to some no name school? It is what it is, quite literally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

There’s a big difference between directionless nagging and targeted help.

Of course, it also depends on what the kid wants. If your kid understands their options and thinks VCU is great, leave things alone. If your kid wants to try for Harvard, help them understand what it takes.

A lot of kids think they are supposed to want to try for Harvard. We told our kids we don’t want to pay for Harvard (or similar) because we don’t think it’s worth either the sticker price or the non-monetary price schools like that exact from kids in high school. I figured if the kids had any intrinsic desire to try for Harvard, they’d at least fight us about it. No fights.

I was thinking UVA, until you said no tutors.

You did better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We actually did the opposite. With Kid #1, we did All the Things, and found ourselves stressed out - and with nothing to show for it. Kid got into the same schools he would have without doing All the Things.

So for Kid #2, we didn't do any of the Things, and just let that kid do anything he was interested in and wanted to participate in. No test prep, nothing. He got into the schools that were right for him. No regrets and no more wasted, useless time.

But #stupidamericantho

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight A kids in most "advanced" track with little effort. How? We told them they need to get good grades. It's not that hard to ask if they did their homework and check in on progress throughout the school year.

One sport and one extracurricular (think drama or instrument), by choice. None of which will make any difference in their apps. no captains/chairs/leads. Just for fun.

We encouraged reading novels early (trips to the library and reading to them almost every night when they were young), and now they do it by choice because they enjoy it. This is what I believe has made all the difference in everything academic.

Will pay for some kind of SAT prep materials/class in a year or so. It's a test; you should study for it.

Otherwise, that's it. Just engaging and being aware is all you need to do to raise academically capable kids with a reasonable college future.

We are donut hole and will not be paying for anything other than in-state rates, so JMU/GMU/VT are fine for us assuming everything holds.

UVA and WM seem like reasonable targets.

Maybe. But their app will look like 3.8-4.0 uW with a 1400ish probably, and that's about it. Likely no hooks of any kind or exceptional ECs. Just generic good students. Maybe they apply, but we aren't going to push it or anything. It's competitive for those and oddly expensive.

Imagine being this kid and working hard in your rigorous program, then overhearing your mom say “we didn’t really play the game, we just let our generic kids do what they needed to do to get into our state’s public universities. Really no point in trying to send them to elite schools.”

What rigorous program? There is no program. They are just good students. And because of that and our income will not be shooting for anything other than our state's publics. I mean if they want to try to play the game to get in somewhere fancy and hope for merit, I'll support it, but that would be their decision. But I highly doubt they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC '22 benefited from covid adjustments - thrived in Zoom school, and didn't even bother with SAT/ACT. Applied test-optional to ONE solid match school, was accepted. Done and done. Having engineered a bit too much for older sibling, I think this is a great way to go as long as you're not chasing T10!

Having gone through the process, I couldn’t agree more. The handwringing and stress and pushing my first, in retrospect just wasn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with test prep? Will that be your policy for MCAT, LSAT, GMAT? Just show up and wing it? So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with test prep? Will that be your policy for MCAT, LSAT, GMAT? Just show up and wing it? So weird.

You seriously think that’s weird? Thats what I did back in the day. Smart kids don’t need prep. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only did test prep and a very short amount.

No private counselor or essay coach.

We were very low key.

Student is straight A, very high test score and a good writer. We did review his essays—grammar and a few suggestions.

That’s it.

Oh and he did the sport/activities he loves - no packaging him, etc.

What were the results?

[Anonymous]

99% of tiger parents are delusional and don’t realize their kid is just a dime a dozen. Each year there are nearly a million 18 year old Americans with excellent grades, test scores and leadership ECs — tens of millions when you include international students. This not only means your kid has zero right to get into a T20 (or even UVA), it means tier 2 3 and 4 schools all have excellent students too. Even open enrollment regional commuter universities each produce a few future medical doctors every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We opted in. We technically won. Then we quickly realized it is all so pointless and superficial. I say this with all due respect: Get a life and stop living through your kids’ credentials. Literally nobody cares where your kids go to college. It’s a brief topic of conversation once maybe twice (decision time and dorm move-in) and that is literally it. After that it’s another round of status hoops like internships, fellowships, grad schools and full time offers. And who they’re dating and what prestige expensive city they’re living in. It never ends. Looking back the top high school students do well WHEREVER they go. Period. It is VERY predictable. Kids either have “it” when they’re 16 or 17 or they don’t. No amount of your lunatic tiger parenting is fundamentally changing your kids or fooling their professors, the people who can hire them, nor the peers you wish would date them.

This x a million
People here who claim it’s their duty to help their kids and you’re negligent if you don’t and their kids deserve the best opportunities…it’s all bs. It’s really them wanting to brag about their kids. Full stop.

They think it’ll change their families life and status. Spoiler: It doesn’t. These elite degrees are finishing school for nepo babies. Prole kids who get in are just sort of there. Then they go back home and have a supposedly fancy nobody really gives a damn about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been telling our kids since they were little that there’s a school for everyone, college is not an end goal in and of itself, and they don’t need to go to any specific school or set of schools to have a successful life as they define it.

So, now they’re in high school and we’re walking the talk. No test prep, no tutors, no college admission counselors, no steering them towards activities or summer experiences or courses or honor societies they’re not interested in because we think it will give them a better shot at college admission.

I feel confident in that decision, until I talk to other parents who are doing All the Things, and then tbh I’m a little stressed.

How did your family navigate the process? Any regrets?

I didn't force anything on DC but I steered her towards opportunities I thought she would like, encouraged her to put herself out there, exposed her to things, and got her help to manage the college process. I wanted her to find and get into a college she would love and thrive at.