Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did "all the things" for both children. One child, high stats, 35 ACT, was shut out of targets (UMI, UNC, etc), WL at reaches (Harvard, Vanderbilt), and is attending a safety - happily I might add. One child had a list that ED seemed reasonable (target for our child, maybe a reach for others?), top 50 school, accepted and is attending. Reaches and targets were not as high reaching as their sibling, because they saw what a crap shoot it is

Michigan and UNC are not targets for anyone, so they were not “shut out.”

The results were to be expected, if you paid attention.

Regardless, what does this have to do with helping your children with the college process?

[Anonymous]

FYI if you guys think the t20 admissions game is hard, getting recruited for p5 d1 basketball is about 10-100x harder

It’s cut throat at a whole different level

[Anonymous]

Some people on here think they’re doing their kids a favor by letting things fall where they may, but that supposes that their child’s viewpoint is sufficiently mature (both knowledge and experience = judgement). It isn’t.

In seventh grade, my kid was told by a teacher that a “B” is a good grade. In fact, it’s fine, but not if you want the best academic opportunities. We told him where he could go to college with a bunch of “Bs” vs “As,” and he never thought again that Bs were good enough.

I understand that every kid can’t take AP classes, get As, and a 1500 SAT, but if you never help your kid understand their options, they’ll find out too late and maybe set inappropriate goals.

My kids know numerous kids who got informed too late in their high school career to make a sufficient turnaround and landed in suboptimal situations. Not saying that’s the end of life, but why take those hits when they’re preventable?

[Anonymous]

You could argue that I played an advanced version of it, and perhaps you'd be right.

Zoned for Blair, I took a hard look at DC's admissions chances and went for a regional IB. Seems to have paid off.

[Anonymous]

We actually did the opposite. With Kid #1, we did All the Things, and found ourselves stressed out - and with nothing to show for it. Kid got into the same schools he would have without doing All the Things.

So for Kid #2, we didn't do any of the Things, and just let that kid do anything he was interested in and wanted to participate in. No test prep, nothing. He got into the schools that were right for him. No regrets and no more wasted, useless time.

[Anonymous]

Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

There’s a big difference between directionless nagging and targeted help.

Of course, it also depends on what the kid wants. If your kid understands their options and thinks VCU is great, leave things alone. If your kid wants to try for Harvard, help them understand what it takes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight A kids in most "advanced" track with little effort. How? We told them they need to get good grades. It's not that hard to ask if they did their homework and check in on progress throughout the school year.

One sport and one extracurricular (think drama or instrument), by choice. None of which will make any difference in their apps. no captains/chairs/leads. Just for fun.

We encouraged reading novels early (trips to the library and reading to them almost every night when they were young), and now they do it by choice because they enjoy it. This is what I believe has made all the difference in everything academic.

Will pay for some kind of SAT prep materials/class in a year or so. It's a test; you should study for it.

Otherwise, that's it. Just engaging and being aware is all you need to do to raise academically capable kids with a reasonable college future.

We are donut hole and will not be paying for anything other than in-state rates, so JMU/GMU/VT are fine for us assuming everything holds.

UVA and WM seem like reasonable targets.

Maybe. But their app will look like 3.8-4.0 uW with a 1400ish probably, and that's about it. Likely no hooks of any kind or exceptional ECs. Just generic good students. Maybe they apply, but we aren't going to push it or anything. It's competitive for those and oddly expensive.

[Anonymous]

We opted in. We technically won. Then we quickly realized it is all so pointless and superficial. I say this with all due respect: Get a life and stop living through your kids’ credentials. Literally nobody cares where your kids go to college. It’s a brief topic of conversation once maybe twice (decision time and dorm move-in) and that is literally it. After that it’s another round of status hoops like internships, fellowships, grad schools and full time offers. And who they’re dating and what prestige expensive city they’re living in. It never ends. Looking back the top high school students do well WHEREVER they go. Period. It is VERY predictable. Kids either have “it” when they’re 16 or 17 or they don’t. No amount of your lunatic tiger parenting is fundamentally changing your kids or fooling their professors, the people who can hire them, nor the peers you wish would date them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI if you guys think the t20 admissions game is hard, getting recruited for p5 d1 basketball is about 10-100x harder

It’s cut throat at a whole different level

D1 sports are even more pointless than T20 or bust strivers. Literally nobody cares that your kid rode the bench somewhere. It’s nuts how parents get so obsessed with this crap. It’s one thing if you’re dirt poor and a college sport is the “only” way out of the ghetto. But the sports crazies are usually MC and UMC. If you’re a fringe D1 player they ain’t going pro. Let it go and tell your jock kid to hit the books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI if you guys think the t20 admissions game is hard, getting recruited for p5 d1 basketball is about 10-100x harder

It’s cut throat at a whole different level

Especially if your whiteness is holding you back. 😃

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m watching a friend destroy her relationship with her senior through constant anxious nagging. This child will most likely end up at the same university as my child, after several years of fighting with their mom, plus the child now has no sense of agency or independence on their direction in school. Not for us.

So that is a definite situation to avoid. Parents need to tread carefully. They should be supportive, offer financial and emotional assistance, but certainly not control the process or ruin a relationship!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight A kids in most "advanced" track with little effort. How? We told them they need to get good grades. It's not that hard to ask if they did their homework and check in on progress throughout the school year.

One sport and one extracurricular (think drama or instrument), by choice. None of which will make any difference in their apps. no captains/chairs/leads. Just for fun.

We encouraged reading novels early (trips to the library and reading to them almost every night when they were young), and now they do it by choice because they enjoy it. This is what I believe has made all the difference in everything academic.

Will pay for some kind of SAT prep materials/class in a year or so. It's a test; you should study for it.

Otherwise, that's it. Just engaging and being aware is all you need to do to raise academically capable kids with a reasonable college future.

We are donut hole and will not be paying for anything other than in-state rates, so JMU/GMU/VT are fine for us assuming everything holds.

UVA and WM seem like reasonable targets.

Maybe. But their app will look like 3.8-4.0 uW with a 1400ish probably, and that's about it. Likely no hooks of any kind or exceptional ECs. Just generic good students. Maybe they apply, but we aren't going to push it or anything. It's competitive for those and oddly expensive.

Imagine being this kid and working hard in your rigorous program, then overhearing your mom say “we didn’t really play the game, we just let our generic kids do what they needed to do to get into our state’s public universities. Really no point in trying to send them to elite schools.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight A kids in most "advanced" track with little effort. How? We told them they need to get good grades. It's not that hard to ask if they did their homework and check in on progress throughout the school year.

One sport and one extracurricular (think drama or instrument), by choice. None of which will make any difference in their apps. no captains/chairs/leads. Just for fun.

We encouraged reading novels early (trips to the library and reading to them almost every night when they were young), and now they do it by choice because they enjoy it. This is what I believe has made all the difference in everything academic.

Will pay for some kind of SAT prep materials/class in a year or so. It's a test; you should study for it.

Otherwise, that's it. Just engaging and being aware is all you need to do to raise academically capable kids with a reasonable college future.

We are donut hole and will not be paying for anything other than in-state rates, so JMU/GMU/VT are fine for us assuming everything holds.

UVA and WM seem like reasonable targets.

Maybe. But their app will look like 3.8-4.0 uW with a 1400ish probably, and that's about it. Likely no hooks of any kind or exceptional ECs. Just generic good students. Maybe they apply, but we aren't going to push it or anything. It's competitive for those and oddly expensive.

Imagine being this kid and working hard in your rigorous program, then overhearing your mom say “we didn’t really play the game, we just let our generic kids do what they needed to do to get into our state’s public universities. Really no point in trying to send them to elite schools.”

Ikr?

Those are great stats.

If they're not great enough to game the system so your kids can go to school with billionaires and princes, so what? Those people are terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We opted in. We technically won. Then we quickly realized it is all so pointless and superficial. I say this with all due respect: Get a life and stop living through your kids’ credentials. Literally nobody cares where your kids go to college. It’s a brief topic of conversation once maybe twice (decision time and dorm move-in) and that is literally it. After that it’s another round of status hoops like internships, fellowships, grad schools and full time offers. And who they’re dating and what prestige expensive city they’re living in. It never ends. Looking back the top high school students do well WHEREVER they go. Period. It is VERY predictable. Kids either have “it” when they’re 16 or 17 or they don’t. No amount of your lunatic tiger parenting is fundamentally changing your kids or fooling their professors, the people who can hire them, nor the peers you wish would date them.

This x a million
People here who claim it’s their duty to help their kids and you’re negligent if you don’t and their kids deserve the best opportunities…it’s all bs. It’s really them wanting to brag about their kids. Full stop.