Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?
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Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
I never said they need to attend a top school. But as a parent, it is your job to help them gain the best opportunities possible and to achieve their potential. This thinking that you are somehow saving their mental health by not encouraging them to do anything at all in regards to college admission isn’t doing them any favors. Doing well, at anything, is hard work. It is good to work hard and feel you achieved something. My kids aren’t applying yet, but I absolutely will help them put forward the best application possible within time, money, and effort constraints. Whatever college they land in, I will be proud of them and hope they feel equally proud of themselves. |
Anonymous
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You're not thinking about this right, OP. My kid has a disability and only has academics going for him. In that light, we went all out on expensive tutors, test prep, etc, since high gpa and test scores were going to be the only things of note on his applications. It paid off. He got into a reach, but chose another university that fit better, academically and socially, and gave him merit aid because of his academic standing. He's happy there. We're happy. No regrets. People are looking at their children and giving them a "best fit" strategy, that's customized for each kid. Maybe it's a little more sports, maybe it's a little more test prep, maybe for high-functioning kids it's a little or a lot of everything. But it's most definitely not a one-size-fits-all concept. You've got to work with the kid you have! Why would you deny a tutor to a child who's struggling in a core subject, if you can afford to do so? For me that's intellectual neglect, because it means they might be poorly prepared for college. And when acceptances arrive, and students go to Admitted Students Days*, attend lectures with future profs, eat the food, look at the dorms, etc... that's when they have to choose THE RIGHT FIT. Otherwise it's going to be a miserable 4 years. If there's one thing I urge everyone to do, it's to attend those Admitted Student Days. DS was leaning towards his reach, because he was so flattered at having been chosen, but after that day, he decided on another university. We were all in agreement. |
Anonymous
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You realize that so many of you are weirdos, right?
We raised four kids and never talked to them about college until high school. We honestly barely talked to them about college then either - unless they brought it up. If you send your kids to a halfway decent public or private school in the DMV - or live in any middle class or above neighborhood here - the parents don’t need to talk to the kids about college because they are bombarded with college bullshit from teachers, counselors, peers, etc. Why add to the stress already? The only thing that kids really need to learn from you is how much you can afford. That’s it. |
Anonymous
Doubt you would feel the same if your kid was not a straight A student, great test taker and a good writer without your intervention. Or if the essays were terrible in your opinion when you first reviewed them. |
Anonymous
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One of my kids did some low-key test prep. 1:1 with a tutor, not a multi-thousand-dollar program. She's a bad test taker and had some real math gaps post-pandemic. I feel fine about that.
Other than that, I would say we were NOT in the game. At this point of my kid's senior year, it seems like her only friends who are very disappointed and stressed are the ones who went all-in with playing the game. |
Anonymous
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I'm SUCH a GREAT parent! I say NO to the hamster wheel before my kids even start their careers! They're not the greatest at math and writing, but I have REFUSED to pay for a tutor, even though they know I can afford one! Because I am NOT a sheep! This will ensure they maximize their chance at Life! And by Life, I mean stuck at a no-name private university they don't like, while I pay through the nose because I'm too rich for financial aid, and too stupid for merit aid. My kids are going to be rejected from their state flagship, which have become unaccountably selective (people told me, but I didn't believe it), and I'm too proud to get them into the lesser state colleges! I've been warned about this multiple times on DCUM, but I'm contrary and PROUD of it. #WINNING. |
Anonymous
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This is what we did for our DC'22 and are doing for our DC'26.
I'd say it worked out, but then we are not hung up on HYP or T20 only. DC'22 is happy where they landed, their top wish. DC submitted to a wide range (10 - 75). We never paid for tutors, test prep or counselors. We did not tell DC to aim for certain clubs or positions. DC knew the game and then paired it what interests them. |
Anonymous
Fun thing, with good grades and a few honest interest EC (that can entail some form of leadership or prizes), kids still get into state flagships. Not everybody needs tutors and college counselors. Your post comes across as a plain attempt to create controversy or flame war. |
Anonymous
Wait, you think the state schools are good? Maybe UMD? |
Anonymous
Oh shoot, all that money you could have saved from tutoring could have gone to a better college. |
Anonymous
This is what creating an independent and capable adult is about. |
Anonymous
Can you expand on that, PP? Very curious what they said! -- high school teacher |
Anonymous
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Equally ridiculous are the people who claim they're "not in the game", but strategize and plan for a good fit. That IS the game, people. Stretching a little to get the best fit. You don't get the best fit by sitting in the back of the class of the regular classes and doing nothing outside of school. Your kid does have to work to open up his or her options. And your place is to guide them to a reasonable set of choices, encourage them to make their best effort and provide support. There aren't that many Ivy-obsessed families in the world. Most families are rational, and are looking for a good match. |
Anonymous
Start with not being a helicopter and not hiring a tutor for every class because your kid can't hack their HS classes. |