Just got ghosted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no excessive communication or penpal behavior and we had 2 pleasant dates.

Attractive men have a pipeline of Tinder matches, and many first- and second-dates. Around one-fourth of online daters have sex on the first or second date, and around half on the third, fourth, or fifth.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

In other words, 25% of his successful matches have already had sex by now, and another 50% have been talking, flirting, and making their interest clear. After the second date, attraction should be a foregone conclusion, and it is just a matter of comfort and logistics before physical intimacy is imminent. It sounds like he is choosing more promising opportunities because he doesn't know where he stands with you.

The ball is in your court. Text him a sexy selfie saying "thinking of you". That is what your competition probably did last week.

Men are not mind-readers. Your savvy competition kisses goodnight on the first date. She follow up quickly with a text that says she had a nice time. On the second date, she makes her interest unmistakable. You might call her an excessive communicator or a brazen hussy. He might soon call her his girlfriend.

As a woman I have no interest in men who sleep with 1/4 of his successful dates . Who wants to be one in line to be chosen intimately ?

Sure you do. You just want him to only have 4 successful dates during the months you are getting to know him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you mean that you and he agreed to meet ... and then he didn't show up?

OP is ambiguous with us, and avoids "excessive communication" with dates too. Things fizzled out because playing hard-to-get is a bad strategy.

Women flake much more than men, because it is low-cost. Women just sit back and reject men until they get an offer they like. If women are tired, or there is bad weather, or they get a better offer, then they just flake or outright stand a man up.

Men must actively manage online dating, spend much more time and money, and endure much more rejection. Even on Bumble, men are the pursuers. Men must make 100 swipes to get 10 matches, and then send 10 messages to start parallel conversations to get 1 date. After wading through all the ghosts and flakes, men get accustomed to cutting their losses. They don't want to waste their time and money on unenthusiastic women when their phone is processing a fresh batch of swipes.

It is a bad equilibrium. Men get treated poorly, so they make low investment across a large number of women online. Then women get messages from losers.

With all that exercise swiping hundreds of profiles, your finger should've developed enough dexterity and endurance to please a woman by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got back on the app- did not receive much traction - did my very best to have a decent profile ( updated clear photos, kept profile answers light and fun, was clear about my dating intention) met a guy - started off very slow and levelheaded. No love bombing - no excessive communication or penpal behavior and we had 2 pleasant dates.

Ghosted after planning a third date.

Whew it stings!

What is "excessive communication or penpal behavior" ?

[Anonymous]

Did he actually ghost and not respond or you didn't reach out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no excessive communication or penpal behavior and we had 2 pleasant dates.

Attractive men have a pipeline of Tinder matches, and many first- and second-dates. Around one-fourth of online daters have sex on the first or second date, and around half on the third, fourth, or fifth.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

In other words, 25% of his successful matches have already had sex by now, and another 50% have been talking, flirting, and making their interest clear. After the second date, attraction should be a foregone conclusion, and it is just a matter of comfort and logistics before physical intimacy is imminent. It sounds like he is choosing more promising opportunities because he doesn't know where he stands with you.

The ball is in your court. Text him a sexy selfie saying "thinking of you". That is what your competition probably did last week.

Men are not mind-readers. Your savvy competition kisses goodnight on the first date. She follow up quickly with a text that says she had a nice time. On the second date, she makes her interest unmistakable. You might call her an excessive communicator or a brazen hussy. He might soon call her his girlfriend.

As a woman I have no interest in men who sleep with 1/4 of his successful dates . Who wants to be one in line to be chosen intimately ?

Meaning you want the guy that sleeps with 100% of his dates? Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you mean that you and he agreed to meet ... and then he didn't show up?

OP is ambiguous with us, and avoids "excessive communication" with dates too. Things fizzled out because playing hard-to-get is a bad strategy.

Women flake much more than men, because it is low-cost. Women just sit back and reject men until they get an offer they like. If women are tired, or there is bad weather, or they get a better offer, then they just flake or outright stand a man up.

Men must actively manage online dating, spend much more time and money, and endure much more rejection. Even on Bumble, men are the pursuers. Men must make 100 swipes to get 10 matches, and then send 10 messages to start parallel conversations to get 1 date. After wading through all the ghosts and flakes, men get accustomed to cutting their losses. They don't want to waste their time and money on unenthusiastic women when their phone is processing a fresh batch of swipes.

It is a bad equilibrium. Men get treated poorly, so they make low investment across a large number of women online. Then women get messages from losers.

With all that exercise swiping hundreds of profiles, your finger should've developed enough dexterity and endurance to please a woman by now.

Yet I suspect he uses that dexterity only on himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men must make 100 swipes to get 10 matches ... to get 1 date.

Anonymous wrote:swiping hundreds of profiles, your finger should've developed enough dexterity and endurance to please a woman by now.

Tell me you never tried Tinder without telling me you never tried Tinder.

Tinder users take an average of 3-7 seconds to decide on a suitor and swipe left or right.

[The average Tinder user spends about 35 minutes per day on the app.

About 3% of swipes turn into first-time messages on Tinder

https://gitnux.org/tinder-swiping-statistics/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no excessive communication or penpal behavior and we had 2 pleasant dates.

Attractive men have a pipeline of Tinder matches, and many first- and second-dates. Around one-fourth of online daters have sex on the first or second date, and around half on the third, fourth, or fifth.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

In other words, 25% of his successful matches have already had sex by now, and another 50% have been talking, flirting, and making their interest clear. After the second date, attraction should be a foregone conclusion, and it is just a matter of comfort and logistics before physical intimacy is imminent. It sounds like he is choosing more promising opportunities because he doesn't know where he stands with you.

The ball is in your court. Text him a sexy selfie saying "thinking of you". That is what your competition probably did last week.

Men are not mind-readers. Your savvy competition kisses goodnight on the first date. She follow up quickly with a text that says she had a nice time. On the second date, she makes her interest unmistakable. You might call her an excessive communicator or a brazen hussy. He might soon call her his girlfriend.

As a woman I have no interest in men who sleep with 1/4 of his successful dates . Who wants to be one in line to be chosen intimately ?

Sure you do. You just want him to only have 4 successful dates during the months you are getting to know him.

No matter what he does with other women, it won’t make me want sex sooner. I’ll do it in my time and I’m pretty reasonable. Eg I never delay it past 6 real dates and real daily communication showing mutual interest (texts and calls exchange). If I feel a guy is spreading his attention and short changing me, I’ll check out WAAAY earlier. Even a 3rd date won’t happen. Men are not worth competing for them, even “high value” ones.

It’s okay if I’m left single in the end, but at least I’ll have my self respect for not putting out to basic strangers because of some social statistics numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no excessive communication or penpal behavior and we had 2 pleasant dates.

Attractive men have a pipeline of Tinder matches, and many first- and second-dates. Around one-fourth of online daters have sex on the first or second date, and around half on the third, fourth, or fifth.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

In other words, 25% of his successful matches have already had sex by now, and another 50% have been talking, flirting, and making their interest clear. After the second date, attraction should be a foregone conclusion, and it is just a matter of comfort and logistics before physical intimacy is imminent. It sounds like he is choosing more promising opportunities because he doesn't know where he stands with you.

The ball is in your court. Text him a sexy selfie saying "thinking of you". That is what your competition probably did last week.

Men are not mind-readers. Your savvy competition kisses goodnight on the first date. She follow up quickly with a text that says she had a nice time. On the second date, she makes her interest unmistakable. You might call her an excessive communicator or a brazen hussy. He might soon call her his girlfriend.

As a woman I have no interest in men who sleep with 1/4 of his successful dates . Who wants to be one in line to be chosen intimately ?

Sure you do. You just want him to only have 4 successful dates during the months you are getting to know him.

It’s actually pretty hard to have 4 really successful dates within a month. Even if one results in sex that doesn’t guarantee that the man stops pursuing or drops for his one night stand a woman that he is seeing more attractive but who is not yet ready for sex with him. Attractive women also have several pursuers and take time to decide with whom to sleep. At some point the true attraction will match. One night stands will fall off his radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if one [date] results in sex that doesn’t guarantee that the man stops pursuing [others].

Men have time constraints and learn what feels right. Before the first date, women are legitimately concerned about safety and poseurs. But when the man shows up, is not a serial killer, and matches his profile, then the date turns into a two-way audition. I walked out on first dates and declined second dates when women were difficult. Avoiding "excessive communication" and having multiple "pleasant" dates, WTF? I don't shower, shave, and flush my Tinder pipeline to exchange pleasantries. Sex is neither necessary nor sufficient to continue exploring a relationship. But playing games and withholding communication is unacceptable. If you treat a prince like a frog, then he will probably jump away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if one [date] results in sex that doesn’t guarantee that the man stops pursuing [others].

Men have time constraints and learn what feels right. Before the first date, women are legitimately concerned about safety and poseurs. But when the man shows up, is not a serial killer, and matches his profile, then the date turns into a two-way audition. I walked out on first dates and declined second dates when women were difficult. Avoiding "excessive communication" and having multiple "pleasant" dates, WTF? I don't shower, shave, and flush my Tinder pipeline to exchange pleasantries. Sex is neither necessary nor sufficient to continue exploring a relationship. But playing games and withholding communication is unacceptable. If you treat a prince like a frog, then he will probably jump away.

I don’t care of your Tinder why do you keep bragging of your popularity ? No decent women gives a f…k!
And I didn’t tell I was withholding any communication or pleasantries. It takes at least a month for me to get to know any man, check if he s actually single, has a clean place of his own, caring and not an a..ole full of himself. Sexual desire is very person dependent for women: if he’s giving hints that he’s not into me and treats me like one of many other women, I wouldn’t want him. What’s the point ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if one [date] results in sex that doesn’t guarantee that the man stops pursuing [others].

Men have time constraints and learn what feels right. Before the first date, women are legitimately concerned about safety and poseurs. But when the man shows up, is not a serial killer, and matches his profile, then the date turns into a two-way audition. I walked out on first dates and declined second dates when women were difficult. Avoiding "excessive communication" and having multiple "pleasant" dates, WTF? I don't shower, shave, and flush my Tinder pipeline to exchange pleasantries. Sex is neither necessary nor sufficient to continue exploring a relationship. But playing games and withholding communication is unacceptable. If you treat a prince like a frog, then he will probably jump away.

What do you mean declined second date? It’s a man who asks for a second date so if you not asked there is nothing for you to decline.
Any woman who follows up after your silence just doesn’t get enough male attention on apps. Hot women pile up 10 dates a week just so you know - no time to get pissed over one tinder guy or whoever that doesn’t make his interest explicit

[Anonymous]

I tried dating apps once and realized most of the men were married and just using the apps for some pretend affair play. They didn't actually go through with it. They just liked having another woman interested. Now I understand why people don't talk a lot on these apps anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tried dating apps once and realized most of the men were married and just using the apps for some pretend affair play. They didn't actually go through with it. They just liked having another woman interested. Now I understand why people don't talk a lot on these apps anymore.

No necessarily married but there was a research, can’t recall from which website, that showed 2/3 men actually have long term girlfriends/partners. Which is why any man who tries to get sex very quickly is likely using you. Don’t get intimate until you know his full name, where he lives, works, actually visited his house and he’s making himself available consistently to you over the phone (not just occasional texts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now imagine being ghosted after being in a serious relationship with someone for 6 months or a year.

So I’m curious. In that situation, how do you know you were ghosted vs someone dying or being kidnapped or something?