Just got ghosted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

Of course it's still ghosting. And it's RUDE af.
Well rid of him, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

This is the new asshat consensus that if you’re not ghosting people you’re failing at OLD, because you need to be in a ghosting-other-people position to compensate for other people ghosting you. Utterly cold blooded in my opinion, and inconceivable that it would result in a real love match. “I’m a jerk to other people — marry me.”

OP said she was ghosted after “planning a third date”. Did he explicitly make plans/bought tickets and set the time on Thursday for the weekend? Or he just mentioned it would be nice meeting again? The devil is in the detail

WTF? It's really not. How big of a coward are you, or emotionally stunted, that you cannot say "on second thought, I don't think I can make it Thursday. I've enjoyed meeting you but I just don't think I'm interested in pursuing more. Take care." Or are all of you just a bunch of toddlers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is a d__k move. That's the general consensus and I agree. Sometimes it's the easiest option though. I'm guilty of ghosting on occasion but I've also tried being upfront about not being interested any longer and it's dragged things out unnecessarily. Getting responses like this sometimes makes it seem like ghosting is actually preferred:

What happened?
I thought we hit it off?
Is there someone else?
I think we can still be friends.
We should try once more.

Not to mention the anger/insults that can come with letting someone down easy

Well, obv. it's not ghosting, but shutting harassing or rude behavior down, in the circumstances you identify. And it is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

This is the new asshat consensus that if you’re not ghosting people you’re failing at OLD, because you need to be in a ghosting-other-people position to compensate for other people ghosting you. Utterly cold blooded in my opinion, and inconceivable that it would result in a real love match. “I’m a jerk to other people — marry me.”

OP said she was ghosted after “planning a third date”. Did he explicitly make plans/bought tickets and set the time on Thursday for the weekend? Or he just mentioned it would be nice meeting again? The devil is in the detail

WTF? It's really not. How big of a coward are you, or emotionally stunted, that you cannot say "on second thought, I don't think I can make it Thursday. I've enjoyed meeting you but I just don't think I'm interested in pursuing more. Take care." Or are all of you just a bunch of toddlers?

As a woman I would rather prefer him to disappear than telling me he’s not interested. If it’s just after a couple of first intros/coffee or movie dates, whatever. No need to explain - it’s life.
Of course if I’m seeing someone more than a few weeks, and at least making out with the person, I would want a phone call

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is a d__k move. That's the general consensus and I agree. Sometimes it's the easiest option though. I'm guilty of ghosting on occasion but I've also tried being upfront about not being interested any longer and it's dragged things out unnecessarily. Getting responses like this sometimes makes it seem like ghosting is actually preferred:

What happened?
I thought we hit it off?
Is there someone else?
I think we can still be friends.
We should try once more.

Not to mention the anger/insults that can come with letting someone down easy

Well, obv. it's not ghosting, but shutting harassing or rude behavior down, in the circumstances you identify. And it is appropriate.

In some situations, it's that. But it's rare that I've ever told someone I went on a few days with that I'm not interested and they just say ok. There's always questioning, anger, hurt or something at the (perceived?) rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is a d__k move. That's the general consensus and I agree. Sometimes it's the easiest option though. I'm guilty of ghosting on occasion but I've also tried being upfront about not being interested any longer and it's dragged things out unnecessarily. Getting responses like this sometimes makes it seem like ghosting is actually preferred:

What happened?
I thought we hit it off?
Is there someone else?
I think we can still be friends.
We should try once more.

Not to mention the anger/insults that can come with letting someone down easy

Well, obv. it's not ghosting, but shutting harassing or rude behavior down, in the circumstances you identify. And it is appropriate.

In some situations, it's that. But it's rare that I've ever told someone I went on a few days with that I'm not interested and they just say ok. There's always questioning, anger, hurt or something at the (perceived?) rejection.

Woman here - it’s better not to invite her further than saying you are not interested. The latter is demeaning regardless how it’s phrased. She likely feels lack of spark. I never follow up with men when they stop inviting, it speaks for itself and I’m not a child to be explained.
When men want to see me after date 2 and I don’t feel the spark I just tell I’m busy with something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

This is the new asshat consensus that if you’re not ghosting people you’re failing at OLD, because you need to be in a ghosting-other-people position to compensate for other people ghosting you. Utterly cold blooded in my opinion, and inconceivable that it would result in a real love match. “I’m a jerk to other people — marry me.”

OP said she was ghosted after “planning a third date”. Did he explicitly make plans/bought tickets and set the time on Thursday for the weekend? Or he just mentioned it would be nice meeting again? The devil is in the detail

WTF? It's really not. How big of a coward are you, or emotionally stunted, that you cannot say "on second thought, I don't think I can make it Thursday. I've enjoyed meeting you but I just don't think I'm interested in pursuing more. Take care." Or are all of you just a bunch of toddlers?

As a woman I would rather prefer him to disappear than telling me he’s not interested. If it’s just after a couple of first intros/coffee or movie dates, whatever. No need to explain - it’s life.
Of course if I’m seeing someone more than a few weeks, and at least making out with the person, I would want a phone call

As a man, I agree with this. I don't need a big conversation, and I don't need someone telling me they aren't attracted, or even worse, explaining why, after two little dates.

Perhaps there is a good middle ground of the polite lie: e.g., "Sorry, I realized after our excellent dates I'm still not over my last relationship/not ready to commit to someone I could really be serious about, and I'm going to take a break from dating for a while."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me

This really old.

[Anonymous]

NP here…

What is the consensus on this situation: is it okay to ghost if after online sleuthing you discover the person you have been seeing several times a month for a year is actually married and lying about being divorced?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think is considered ghosting. He isn’t interested. You had 2 dates.

I think ghosting is when you have been dating for a while and he disappears. 2 dates is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is a d__k move. That's the general consensus and I agree. Sometimes it's the easiest option though. I'm guilty of ghosting on occasion but I've also tried being upfront about not being interested any longer and it's dragged things out unnecessarily. Getting responses like this sometimes makes it seem like ghosting is actually preferred:

What happened?
I thought we hit it off?
Is there someone else?
I think we can still be friends.
We should try once more.

Not to mention the anger/insults that can come with letting someone down easy

Well, obv. it's not ghosting, but shutting harassing or rude behavior down, in the circumstances you identify. And it is appropriate.

In some situations, it's that. But it's rare that I've ever told someone I went on a few days with that I'm not interested and they just say ok. There's always questioning, anger, hurt or something at the (perceived?) rejection.

Woman here - it’s better not to invite her further than saying you are not interested. The latter is demeaning regardless how it’s phrased. She likely feels lack of spark. I never follow up with men when they stop inviting, it speaks for itself and I’m not a child to be explained.
When men want to see me after date 2 and I don’t feel the spark I just tell I’m busy with something

Probably the best solution after 2 dates. No need for a big talk. But don't want to be rude either. Trust they pick up on social clues like "I'm busy" and not following up with options. Done. Chemistry wasn't there. Easy peasy. Every healthy person will check out immediately with that kind of exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think is considered ghosting. He isn’t interested. You had 2 dates.

I think ghosting is when you have been dating for a while and he disappears. 2 dates is nothing.

+1 Agreed. His fiancé/wife is probably back in town.

[Anonymous]

Ghosting is when you reach out and they don’t respond. That’s rude!

It doesn’t count as ghosting when a guy stops inviting and no one has reached out to the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

I am a guy and think this is a dumb response.

I think she means he will be back.

[Anonymous]

Ok, and?