Just got ghosted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it sounds incredibly boring and like there was zero spark. Is this some kind of new OLD where you’re supposed to show as little interest as possible? If I really like someone I communicate. There’s a difference between “love bombing” and being excited to talk/email someone. You’re allowed to flirt OP and if there is zero flirting energy in the initial stages, them there’s no chemistry. It sounds like you are viewing this like a job interview process!

Well I was pacing myself. I dont like coming on strong and I’ve been warned that the spark is misleading because you barely know that person. I definitely thought I was flirting. I’m not sure- I’m not in his head. Even my dating profile shows me to be fun// outgoing but still even- tempered. Who knows - the ghosting hurts but I’ll keep trying.

[Anonymous]

Now imagine being ghosted after being in a serious relationship with someone for 6 months or a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now imagine being ghosted after being in a serious relationship with someone for 6 months or a year.

Wow that’s messed up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

This is the new asshat consensus that if you’re not ghosting people you’re failing at OLD, because you need to be in a ghosting-other-people position to compensate for other people ghosting you. Utterly cold blooded in my opinion, and inconceivable that it would result in a real love match. “I’m a jerk to other people — marry me.”

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Ghosting is so rude. I would never talk to someone again after they ghosted me. [/quote]

This. Getting ghosted sucks, but I think of it as being saved from dating someone with no manners, poor communication skills and little empathy. All those skills (manners, empathy and communication) are necessary for anything from a hookup to marriage.

If someone who ghosted reached out again, I wouldn't ignore them, but I definitely would respond that I didn't think we were a match but wished them well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now imagine being ghosted after being in a serious relationship with someone for 6 months or a year.

Wow, you dodged a bullet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

They are basic strangers. I don’t consider guys who I’m not in a relationship anything reliable or permanent. Everyone is dating and seeing multiple people so I would presume he met someone else and move down my list/make own plans. OP should always have her own plans for the weekends and don’t make her life conditional upon others. She should have dozens of guys texting, calling and asking her out. If she’s not making a splash of this level with her photos/profile, then OLD will get very traumatic for her. She needs to understand it or not use OLD (which is by default is screwed to attractive profiles).

This is the new asshat consensus that if you’re not ghosting people you’re failing at OLD, because you need to be in a ghosting-other-people position to compensate for other people ghosting you. Utterly cold blooded in my opinion, and inconceivable that it would result in a real love match. “I’m a jerk to other people — marry me.”

OP said she was ghosted after “planning a third date”. Did he explicitly make plans/bought tickets and set the time on Thursday for the weekend? Or he just mentioned it would be nice meeting again? The devil is in the detail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When this happens to me I tell myself - they had HIV or are pedophiles or serial killers and I was sparred. You were sparred.. that’s all you can think.

Sparred? Like boxing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is so rude. I would never talk to someone again after they ghosted me.

+1 The only communication I might accept was an apology. Maybe. Probably not, though. If you were grown when you did it, you should've acted grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it sounds incredibly boring and like there was zero spark. Is this some kind of new OLD where you’re supposed to show as little interest as possible? If I really like someone I communicate. There’s a difference between “love bombing” and being excited to talk/email someone. You’re allowed to flirt OP and if there is zero flirting energy in the initial stages, them there’s no chemistry. It sounds like you are viewing this like a job interview process!

Well I was pacing myself. I dont like coming on strong and I’ve been warned that the spark is misleading because you barely know that person. I definitely thought I was flirting. I’m not sure- I’m not in his head. Even my dating profile shows me to be fun// outgoing but still even- tempered. Who knows - the ghosting hurts but I’ll keep trying.

I’m not saying don’t be yourself, but in fact you do need a spark to get into a relationship. So much dating advice is so dumb. “Oh no, you got butterflies in your stomach! What a terrible sign!”

If you are attracted to someone you’ll feel it! If not, don’t drag it out to a boring 3rd date.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the trash takes itself out, OP.

Their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t have sex you were not ghosted

It's only ghosting if you are dumped after having sex? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ghosting is so rude. I would never talk to someone again after they ghosted me.

I think that decision would have already been made for you 🙂

[Anonymous]

Ghosting is a d__k move. That's the general consensus and I agree. Sometimes it's the easiest option though. I'm guilty of ghosting on occasion but I've also tried being upfront about not being interested any longer and it's dragged things out unnecessarily. Getting responses like this sometimes makes it seem like ghosting is actually preferred:

What happened?
I thought we hit it off?
Is there someone else?
I think we can still be friends.
We should try once more.

Not to mention the anger/insults that can come with letting someone down easy