Having kids sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this thread. First off I love my kids. But to pretend that I'm not making huge sacrifices everyday would just be straight up delusional.
My kids are 7 and 5 and it's hard! I work a full time job, and DW works we have kids sports, homework, housework, enrichment activities. It's a lot.
My father didn't do half the stuff that I'm doing. When he came home from work we knew to leave him alone. I do not have that luxury. It's like I start a second shift when I get home.
So yes I tell my friends when they ask that it sucks. Will it get better maybe but for now it's pretty rough.

You didn’t figure this out after the first kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this thread. First off I love my kids. But to pretend that I'm not making huge sacrifices everyday would just be straight up delusional.
My kids are 7 and 5 and it's hard! I work a full time job, and DW works we have kids sports, homework, housework, enrichment activities. It's a lot.
My father didn't do half the stuff that I'm doing. When he came home from work we knew to leave him alone. I do not have that luxury. It's like I start a second shift when I get home.
So yes I tell my friends when they ask that it sucks. Will it get better maybe but for now it's pretty rough.

You want a medal or something?

[Anonymous]

My husband feels this way. He took it out on me in so many ways for years, even though he had said he wanted kids and even said he wanted another. On the one hand, I'm glad that I don't feel this way. On the other hand, I do think it's connected with a larger selfishness and narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
...But I’ve also seen in my own family and in many families through my professional work that kids can be an ongoing heartache that is lifelong, to the point where your fondest memories are the early hard years when at least they snuggled you and seemed to love you.

Kids with profound disabilities, kids with mental illness, kids with substance use disorder, kids with serious personality disorders, violent kids who scare and hurt their parents.
...
Considering all the awful possibilities that can arise, you have to be willing to sacrifice endlessly to your dying breath for a child or be that person who turns their back on a broken child. Either path can be crushing.

This has been the most thoughtful and truthful post, IMHO. Once you have a child(ren) you are essentially a hostage for the rest of your life, to include when your children have children. Many grandparents wind up raising a second generation.

[Anonymous]

My DH left over this. He’s actually a really good Dad but he decided he’d rather not have any constraints on his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this thread. First off I love my kids. But to pretend that I'm not making huge sacrifices everyday would just be straight up delusional.
My kids are 7 and 5 and it's hard! I work a full time job, and DW works we have kids sports, homework, housework, enrichment activities. It's a lot.
My father didn't do half the stuff that I'm doing. When he came home from work we knew to leave him alone. I do not have that luxury. It's like I start a second shift when I get home.
So yes I tell my friends when they ask that it sucks. Will it get better maybe but for now it's pretty rough.

Yes, women are socialized to expect that “second shift” but men aren’t. It is hard. And men who do a fair share discover that. The second shift is crushing. You and your wife are both working 1.5 jobs. If your mother didn’t work, then you grew up seeing each parent work one job. If your mother did work, then she was working two jobs while your father was working one (ouch). Either way, you did not have realistic expectations about what life would be like with two children and two outside the home jobs and any kind of fair division of labor.

Can one of you up your earning potential so that the other can work part time or not at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this thread. First off I love my kids. But to pretend that I'm not making huge sacrifices everyday would just be straight up delusional.
My kids are 7 and 5 and it's hard! I work a full time job, and DW works we have kids sports, homework, housework, enrichment activities. It's a lot.
My father didn't do half the stuff that I'm doing. When he came home from work we knew to leave him alone. I do not have that luxury. It's like I start a second shift when I get home.
So yes I tell my friends when they ask that it sucks. Will it get better maybe but for now it's pretty rough.

What sacrifices? So far, what I see you mention are choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. I'm a father of two and I'm just beside myself at the sacrifices that I'm having to make to raise two kids. If I'd known it was going to be this much work I would've had 1 child or none at all.
I've been telling most of my childless friends not to have kids (when they ask). DW overheard me saying that and
got mad and claimed that "I don't love our family". We had a spirited discussion and now she's giving me funny looks. But I can't be the only one that things having kids is way too much work and might not be worth it.

I don’t believe you’re real and I think you are a troll

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this thread. First off I love my kids. But to pretend that I'm not making huge sacrifices everyday would just be straight up delusional.
My kids are 7 and 5 and it's hard! I work a full time job, and DW works we have kids sports, homework, housework, enrichment activities. It's a lot.
My father didn't do half the stuff that I'm doing. When he came home from work we knew to leave him alone. I do not have that luxury. It's like I start a second shift when I get home.
So yes I tell my friends when they ask that it sucks. Will it get better maybe but for now it's pretty rough.

That’s normal adult life with kids.
Of course you don’t get home from the offices neglect everyone, have a drink and take a nap. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH left over this. He’s actually a really good Dad but he decided he’d rather not have any constraints on his time.

Lol, not lol. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Op—were you expecting that your wife would do most of the work?

In any case yeah it’s hard. Hang in there—it will get better though it might help to adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Agree. I def felt it. But that changed quickly (for me, for others maybe it doesn't) and I love that kid fiercely now. Cannot imaging life without DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op—were you expecting that your wife would do most of the work?

In any case yeah it’s hard. Hang in there—it will get better though it might help to adjust your expectations.

OFC he did. Which is why he mentioned the differences between him and his dad's parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP but this is why I made a conscious decision not to have kids despite all the crap I get from DH’s family, society, even “friends”.

+1

I have a friend with a 3min th old whose husband told her this week that he dreads coming home to the baby. My heart broke for her.

Men really need to start speaking up for themselves if they don't want kids and stop just going along with her plans. I think if more guys were honest these situations would happen a lot less.

I’m a happy mom by choice and I think anyone who tells you they never felt dread when returning to a three month old is a liar. That’s a perfectly valid thing to feel. You don’t have to love being a parent every minute of every stage to be committed to it.

Agree. I def felt it. But that changed quickly (for me, for others maybe it doesn't) and I love that kid fiercely now. Cannot imaging life without DC.

Really? A 3 month old? Chemicals in your body should have made you feel like you needed to be with him/her. I’d think dread might be a chemical problem you should have discussed with your dr.