Having kids sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are yours still young? The young years are super hard. They get fun most of the time though.

Spoiler: The teen years suck harder and are 10x more expensive.

dp.. mine are 15 and 18, and they are so much easier to deal with than when they were 5 and 8. They are much more independent and are pretty responsible. Not gonna lie.. it was a hard road to get here, but they are great. I'm so thankful for my amazing kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

Pp here. Nah. You’re just not capable of grasping that two conflicting things can both be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is nuts. OP is mostly right but people just don't wanna hear it.

it's true... most men shouldn't have kids, including OP. But, too late for OP.

Then why are people harping on the OP for telling other people not to have kids?

Because it's incredibly sad that he regrets his kids. It's one thing if a childless man decides not to have them (and IMO, most men shouldn't).

It's another when a father regrets his children. I just imagine that if he could, he'd bail on his kids like so many others have done.

I think one can have an honest discussion about having kids. I have such conversations with my female childless friends. I tell them how hard it is, in every stage of their lives. How expensive it is; how you have no life... but, I also tell them that there is no love like that of a parent/child love; how incredible it is to see them grow and become independent beings, and when your children do amazing things; when they hug you so tight and tell you that they love you; when you grow old, and they check on you to make sure you are ok (experiencing this with both sets of elderly parents).

We were on the fence about having kids, but now, I could not imagine what life would be like without them. They are a product of our union, to create a family. Yes, it's tough, but it's also so rewarding. I know DH was not thrilled when I got pregnant with #2, but I have seen him tear up when DC#2 did something amazing that made DH so proud. DH did the same for DC#1. DH tears up when the kids do amazing things more than I do, even though I think he was less inclined in the beginning to have kids than I was. My MIL is going to need LTC now, and DH sees how horrible it would be for her if she did not have any children to make sure she's taken care of (not financially).

[Anonymous]

I agree it sucks. But I wouldn't tell people not to have them. Yeah the younger years are hard, but mine are 4 and 7 and I'm glad I have them even though I'm very poor, had them too young, and I am stressed. I always wanted kids though. I was a sad person before I had kids. Now I find a reason to smile every day because of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

Pp here. Nah. You’re just not capable of grasping that two conflicting things can both be true.

because it's not possible to love someone so much, and then turn around and say, "but I could have lived without you". You could've lived without your kids if you had never known your kids, but after knowing, to still say that, to me says you don't love that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

Pp here. Nah. You’re just not capable of grasping that two conflicting things can both be true.

because it's not possible to love someone so much, and then turn around and say, "but I could have lived without you". You could've lived without your kids if you had never known your kids, but after knowing, to still say that, to me says you don't love that much.

It may say that to you, because you are apparently emotionally immature. Sorry but that it just a fact. You probably also believe in soulmates and perfect love and someone who loves you would never cheat on you or hurt you in a myriad of other ways, blah blah blah. Immature concepts of love, poster. Newsflash: parents don’t actually love unconditionally, only dogs do. Humans are much too complicated.

This is an anonymous board. People who post here to say I dearly love my kid but I can definitely say I could have been happy not having kids are not monsters and they aren’t going to crush their kids.

Emotionally immature parents who tell their kids that kids suck, who tell their kids they wish they’d never been born, etc. - THOSE are monsters poster. If you can grasp this difference I pity the rigidity of thinking your kids are growing up under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

Poster YOU are an emotionally constipated child yourself, with very immature thinking capacity about feelings. You are very much not the superior moral being you believe yourself to be.

[Anonymous]

It's just really weird to say most men shouldn't have kids. Then who would be having kids? Women becoming single parents having kids through IVF? Maybe the structure around which we have to raise kids needs to change. I don't know how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

Pp here. Nah. You’re just not capable of grasping that two conflicting things can both be true.

because it's not possible to love someone so much, and then turn around and say, "but I could have lived without you". You could've lived without your kids if you had never known your kids, but after knowing, to still say that, to me says you don't love that much.

It may say that to you, because you are apparently emotionally immature. Sorry but that it just a fact. You probably also believe in soulmates and perfect love and someone who loves you would never cheat on you or hurt you in a myriad of other ways, blah blah blah. Immature concepts of love, poster. Newsflash: parents don’t actually love unconditionally, only dogs do. Humans are much too complicated.

This is an anonymous board. People who post here to say I dearly love my kid but I can definitely say I could have been happy not having kids are not monsters and they aren’t going to crush their kids.

Emotionally immature parents who tell their kids that kids suck, who tell their kids they wish they’d never been born, etc. - THOSE are monsters poster. If you can grasp this difference I pity the rigidity of thinking your kids are growing up under.

IMO, you labeling what I state as emotional immaturity is just your way of excusing your own lack of love for your kid.

If I never had kids, I would've been fine. Of course. Who wouldn't. But, knowing and loving them now, no, I cannot imagine a life without them in it. My life is better for them in it. I've experience life pre kids, and now post kids, the kids I know and love. So, yea, I cannot imagine not knowing them and having that kind of love in my life.

I do feel sorry for you and your kids that you don't seem to see your kids as making your life better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just really weird to say most men shouldn't have kids. Then who would be having kids? Women becoming single parents having kids through IVF? Maybe the structure around which we have to raise kids needs to change. I don't know how.

Just let humanity die out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

Poster YOU are an emotionally constipated child yourself, with very immature thinking capacity about feelings. You are very much not the superior moral being you believe yourself to be.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. I feel sorry for your kids.