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Having kids sucks!
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Anonymous
This is DCUM and a parenting forum no less. Skews pro-parenting and pro-procreation. |
Anonymous
I’m unintentionally childless and spent a lot of years mourning my missed motherhood. But now that I’m in my 50s I look around and can count on one hand the happy moms I know - by far the majority are burned out from years of dealing with various types of kid drama including related marital strain and many with no end in sight, the most exhausted and crushed are the ones raising grandkids because the kids are addicts. It helps me put in perspective my idealistic vision of motherhood and family and I’m reminded of St. Theresa’s admonition that answered prayers compel more tears that unanswered ones. |
Anonymous
These comments are funny to me because both PPs could be friends of mine. Since having kids, I'm tired, look worse, have way less money, and am definitely less fun to hang out with. I'm also happier and more fulfilled. It's just in a way they don't get. |
Anonymous
Op, I'm curious what you consider a sacrifice. My dds don't do any activities. They need something to complain to their therapist about, after all. They can hang out with friends or online. |
Anonymous
it's true... most men shouldn't have kids, including OP. But, too late for OP. |
Anonymous
This! I am one of those exhausted moms, but I’m not unhappy. |
Anonymous
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I feel so relieved when my kids talk about not having kids.
Kids are an experience that you will definitely learn and grow through. But kids are an experience that impacts every other experience you want to have. I say choose the other experiences and befriend family with young kids to get your kid fun. |
Anonymous
Then why are people harping on the OP for telling other people not to have kids? |
Anonymous
| I see this with a lot of 3+ kid families who were managing ok with one or two. I’m continually surprised how many families go for the third. And I like kids! But I just couldn’t make the math work on our time and sanity. |
Anonymous
| It’s true. I have sacrificed so much. The impact on the environment with so much waste generated is also appalling. But I also love my babies. So as tired as I am and as much as I wish I had some more time for myself… I think it’s worth it for me. |
Anonymous
Spoiler: The teen years suck harder and are 10x more expensive. |
Anonymous
I have friends who are school teachers and childfree by choice. They get tons of kid fix from the teaching and coaching and other extracurricular activities they mentor during the school year, and during the summers they travel and have adventures. They do better financially than many teachers who try to have a family on teachers salaries, plus they are inclined to outdoor adventures so travel is not expensive luxury resorts it’s national parks and many of their travel abroad experiences have been volunteer work or short term jobs like scuba guide etc. They also have lived in other countries and been teachers there. I envy their lives more than any of the parents I know. |
Anonymous
We had one kid for this reason. It's hard at first because assuming you like being a parent at all, there's a biological drive to have more. I'm glad we resisted though. One kid is just right for us and leaves room for everything else. I also think that people who have more kids sometimes hit a point in their 40s where they feel that parenting is endless. If you have 3 kids, there will probably be a day when you look at your youngest and just think "hurry. up." I never wanted to feel that way. I like that with one kid, every milestone is the first and last time for you. You get to experience all the parenting stuff, but I think you appreciate it instead of resent it because once it's over, it's over for good. You only deal with diapers for like 2 years. Daycare for 3-4 (there's universal PK where we live). When the bad tantrums end, they end for good. You save for one college degree -- that's really not even that hard. We're halfway through now and enjoying it as we go, but also already planning for when our kid heads to college and then after -- it feels like it's actually pretty close. It gives me a sense that I should appreciate this time together now, which I do, and it's too short to really get resentful. I'm not going to order anyone to have one kid, but based on a lot of the comments in this thread, I think it's something more people should consider as a way to get the great things about parenting without feeling like you've totally given up your whole life. 18 years is not actually that long in the course of a whole life. It's not that long to put someone else first. |
Anonymous
| Dang, so sad. I hope OP learns to appreciate his blessings. Most of the things that make life ultimately worthwhile come with some challenges. |
Anonymous
I think this is a totally legitimate choice, and have several friends who went this route. I'm personally glad I had a kid because I think it's different when it's your own child. As much as I love other people's kids (some of them) the relationship I have with my DC is very unique. It's like the difference between dating someone you like and marrying/living with them. It's just not the same. But that doesn't mean it's bad! I appreciate the post about teachers who obviously can have really important relationships with kids. I'm just glad I had the experience of being someone's mom and for me, being a teacher or an aunt or the fun friend or whatever would not have been enough for me. |