Having kids sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. I'm a father of two and I'm just beside myself at the sacrifices that I'm having to make to raise two kids. If I'd known it was going to be this much work I would've had 1 child or none at all.
I've been telling most of my childless friends not to have kids (when they ask). DW overheard me saying that and
got mad and claimed that "I don't love our family". We had a spirited discussion and now she's giving me funny looks. But I can't be the only one that things having kids is way too much work and might not be worth it.

I definitely felt that way for a few years. Up to the age of 6 is really hard at times. Most of the time. In fact, I used to go on rants about this very issue to childless friends to try to warn them off.

That said, I have completely changed my tune now. My kids are in their late teens and have really been a joy for the last 10 years. People complain about teens, but it has been so much easier than dealing with little kids. Getting enough sleep is one thing, but also being able to go out without a sitter, getting back all the time to read or watch tv or do hobbies. But moreover, spending time with them is a lot of fun. We have had amazing vacations, but also just going for walks, having dinner, or going camping. They are funny and sweet and now I would have to say that it was definitely worth it, however miserable it was at the time.

Whoa.

Are you a stay at home parent or do you work? Are their Nannies and housekeepers and car pools in your life? Do you have a stay at home spouse?

[Anonymous]

I can relate, but my kids are very easy so I can't complain. One will even babysit the other one or pick them up from school.
Older one is with the other parent and the is at younger one is relatives' houses on weekends.
I did suggest that they'd better not have any kids. I told them kids will take all their time, money and no more playing video games. I hope that scared them. I don't want to be a grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% agree OP. I'm being held hostage because I have to live in a place with "good" schools, other kids for mine to play with etc. It's absolutely bonkers how much of my life is dictated by my kids needs. For example I f*king hate sleep overs. But my kids love it and my spouse thinks it's a good thing. So I have strange kids in my house when I barely want my own kids around. Also I have no interest in talking to a child about their emotional crap.
This year my plan is to do less for my kids. Otherwise I'll start to feel resentful.

Sock puppeting OP again.

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of replies here which reflect experiences I’ve seen with some of the families I’ve known in my life - hard going when kids are little, great kids who got independent and were respectful and productive.

But I’ve also seen in my own family and in many families through my professional work that kids can be an ongoing heartache that is lifelong, to the point where your fondest memories are the early hard years when at least they snuggled you and seemed to love you.

Kids with profound disabilities, kids with mental illness, kids with substance use disorder, kids with serious personality disorders, violent kids who scare and hurt their parents.

The work of parenting is a slog and it is okay to hate it sometimes and it is okay to sometimes regret the choice. Please make sure if you ever express it to your kids, you do so in a way which lets them know you love them and you’re very glad they exist - but you want them to know that it’s okay to consider a childfree life as another totally legitimate option for how to live an adult life.

Considering all the awful possibilities that can arise, you have to be willing to sacrifice endlessly to your dying breath for a child or be that person who turns their back on a broken child. Either path can be crushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% agree OP. I'm being held hostage because I have to live in a place with "good" schools, other kids for mine to play with etc. It's absolutely bonkers how much of my life is dictated by my kids needs. For example I f*king hate sleep overs. But my kids love it and my spouse thinks it's a good thing. So I have strange kids in my house when I barely want my own kids around. Also I have no interest in talking to a child about their emotional crap.
This year my plan is to do less for my kids. Otherwise I'll start to feel resentful.

Parent of the year, folks. A parent who resents their kid being a kid.

[Anonymous]

Parenting when done right is hard work. Posters on here are being flippant about it but I get where OP is coming from. I'm a father of 3 and it took me a while to realize that for me to be the best dad I could be I needed to be fulfilled as a person.
That means I don't always put my kids first. My kids get what they need but they don't always get what they want. OP needs to find a balance where he's doesn't feel like he's constantly making sacrifices for his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This.

I actually believe my husband loves his kids more than anyone, including himself, but hates having to sacrifice a little. It’s not so much selfishness as a lack of coping skills. Murphy’s law is inevitable with life, and especially kids, and in my experience, men have a much harder time navigating unexpected hiccups - big or small.

Not all men, of course, but a lot.

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand these posts, or the people who complain about adopting dogs. How do you go into these things so blind?!

OP, had you spent long lengths of time around children before you had kids? How on earth could you have been so ignorant to the responsibility, time, energy, and money drain?

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand and your feelings are valid. There were some dark days when our kids were very little, and need so much attention and time. Now they are teens and great young people, and I am so proud of and grateful for them and how we've become a family, and I can't imagine my life without them. The days aren't as long and they can't handle so much more on their own. I still have to organize a lot of my life around them, and sometimes feel like a bus driver. But I can already see myself mourning when they leave for college.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy. You sound overwhelmed and possibly on the edge if you're telling other people all these thoughts.

[Anonymous]

It is worse for women so think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand these posts, or the people who complain about adopting dogs. How do you go into these things so blind?!

OP, had you spent long lengths of time around children before you had kids? How on earth could you have been so ignorant to the responsibility, time, energy, and money drain?

I don't think experience is necessary when you want children and just follow-through. Neither my husband or I had any experience babysitting or being around other kids (he had nieces and nephews he didn't see very often, and I'm an only child who never looked after kids). But we wanted kids, and we we're happy to spend time with them. It couldn't occur to us to prioritize other things. We have work, friends, etc, but our kids come first.

I have a hard time understanding how someone can get to OP's point of view. It's one thing to struggle with work/life balance, but quite another to regret one's kids, and resent time spent with them.

Maybe you're depressed, OP. Get yourself to a doctor.

[Anonymous]

I felt that way when my kid was young but now he is 11 and I can’t stand to think about him going to college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. I'm a father of two and I'm just beside myself at the sacrifices that I'm having to make to raise two kids. If I'd known it was going to be this much work I would've had 1 child or none at all.
I've been telling most of my childless friends not to have kids (when they ask). DW overheard me saying that and
got mad and claimed that "I don't love our family". We had a spirited discussion and now she's giving me funny looks. But I can't be the only one that things having kids is way too much work and might not be worth it.

That's why adults educate themselves before making life altering decisions. You didn't do that so deal with the consequences with grace and patience. You can advice others the same to do due diligence, instead of telling them to have or not have kids, based on our individual sample size.

[Anonymous]

At least you are honest, most humans defend their bad decisions with as much vigor as their good decisions.