Having kids sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

It's completely possible to imagine a different life. Or suppose you had kids at a different time, so they would be different than the ones you have now. You would still love those kids. One choice is not necessarily better than the other.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I can’t relate to op. And that’s in spite of the fact that I was actually pretty selfishly driven most of my life and had planned to live in Paris and work in a museum. I travelled and partied up through to my mid thirties and thought I’d just be a ‘fun aunt.’ Then I met dh, got the baby bug and three kids later I’m in an exurb driving a minivan and volunteering at school. but it’s the most fulfilled and meaning I’ve ever had. I mean we all have to grow up whether we have kids or not, we become adults and take on responsibilities for eachother and society just as others did for us. At some point you let the selfish ego go. No offense but guys like op reminds me of Jason Batemans sleazy character in Juno who wants to be a carefree teen again in a mid life crisis. It’s a bit pathetic to see old guys trying to cling to youth to get out of responsibility, it’s cowardly.

[Anonymous]

I genuinely really love having kids and it’s hard ish at times but not the hellscape that some people experience. Way, way more good than bad. I know some people really struggle with parenting but there really isn’t one universal experience. Personally, I don’t feel that having kids sucks at all and I really can’t relate to people that hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

Poster YOU are an emotionally constipated child yourself, with very immature thinking capacity about feelings. You are very much not the superior moral being you believe yourself to be.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. I feel sorry for your kids.

I don’t think about you at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

Pp here. Nah. You’re just not capable of grasping that two conflicting things can both be true.

because it's not possible to love someone so much, and then turn around and say, "but I could have lived without you". You could've lived without your kids if you had never known your kids, but after knowing, to still say that, to me says you don't love that much.

NP: or that they love their previous life, or aspects of it, more than they love their children. Lots of people feel this way, I think. It is maturity to embrace the new life created when you have children. Otherwise, it just leads to bitterness and emptiness and resentment, which seem to be stunted emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just really weird to say most men shouldn't have kids. Then who would be having kids? Women becoming single parents having kids through IVF? Maybe the structure around which we have to raise kids needs to change. I don't know how.

Honestly most women don’t need thebmen. Just the sperm…so it makes sense. I dont need my husband per se.

[Anonymous]

*don’t need the men. Just the sperm is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have one. It's totally manageable.

Yes. One is good to have balance…
With all the “parental joy” society says you need. I have one and can say my lifestyle hasn’t changed much from when I didn’t have any. Just know when to stop reproducing. One is enough!

[Anonymous]

I find it funny so many are posting about just having one kid and how that is much more manageable, and then you have others berating OP for not knowing at one kid and stopping. Clearly the change from 1 to 2 is huge and hard to predict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say it again.. "most men should not have kids. They can't handle giving up their selfish lives".

I hope to god OP that your kids never find out. You're selfish, and love your life more than your children.

If I were your DW, I'd lose all respect for you. After the kids leave the house, I'd probably divorce you having lost respect for you.

This is so odd. My DH and I are absolutely mad about our kids, obsessed with them, and we love them fiercely. AND-I’m not sure we would have them again if given the choice. Maybe. Maybe not. I definitely don’t think we’d have a 2nd, EVEN THOUGH we both admit we love our 2nd so intensely and maybe even a bit more than our 1st.

But we talk openly about this to each other. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Kids are unfathomably hard.

yes, kids are hard. I didn't and still don't relish every part of parenting, and my kids are teens.

But regretting having a child is incredibly sad for the child. I hope your kids never find out.

I think it's odd that you claim you love your DC#2 so much but if you had to do it over again you wouldn't have them. IMO, that doesn't appear to me like you really love them. If you love someone that much, you would not be able to imagine a life without them. That's what "we love them fiercely" look like, not "if I had to do it again, I wouldn't".

You're being dishonest with yourself.

I think some people just aren’t capable of the complexity of thinking required.

Poster dearly loves their child and would never in a million years want harm to come to their child nor do they want to erase this child who exists.

It IS possible to hold those realities in the same brain with the reality of knowing that if you COULD GO BACK IN TIME to when that child didn’t exist, you probably would choose not to make that child exist.

That is NOT the same thing as wishing the child who exists out of existence. Yes this requires nuanced and complex thinking and some folks aren’t up to it. No shame. But don’t shame these loving parents for being capable of envisioning another life path they could have been happy traveling.

PP here.. I love to travel. Can't wait to do so again after DC#2 goes off to college in 2.5 years. I tell my kids that this is what I'm looking forward to.

I understand the concept that if you never had the child, you would never have known them to regret it or not. But, you do know your child, so to imagine that your life would have been great without your child in your life makes me think you don't love your child all that much. Imagine if your child knew that if you could go back in time before they existed that you would've chosen to not have them.

Like I said, I feel sorry for your kids, that deep down, if you could do it all over, you would choose to not have them. That doesn't mean you wish them to nonexistence, but that if you could do it over you wouldn't have children at all, and that includes the children you have now that you claim you love so much.

I think some people are more detached/cold logic thinkers while others (like you) are more grounded/emotional thinkers. Nothing wrong with either. But it is logical to love your children fiercely and to also wonder and pine for a life where they never existed. Yes those kids may have been the best thing to have happened to you in your current life, but you can also then imagine experiences you could have had if you didn't have kids that would have been similarly impactful to your alternate life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it funny so many are posting about just having one kid and how that is much more manageable, and then you have others berating OP for not knowing at one kid and stopping. Clearly the change from 1 to 2 is huge and hard to predict.

Yes, and when you have say one kid under two, you can’t anticipate or know the needs coming your way as far as sports, school, technology, cooking and cleaning up, what struggles they may have and how you much effort and time on the parents part that will take.

While I don’t agree with OP, I can see his point. I think it is largely due to the fact that many of us weren’t really “parented”

Our parents pretty much lived their own best life and kept us alive. So our perception in how much work and what it would be like to have kids, before we had them, was distorted. Parenting NOW is so much more in every way.

[jsteele]

The original poster has sock puppeted most of his responses in this thread and is likely trolling in the first place.