Is being a mom harder than you thought?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. It is so much more FUN that I could have ever anticipated. I mean, parenting is hard work, no doubt. But holy cow, they don't tell you just how freaking fun and joyful it all is.

Youare lucky, and am glad some people have that experience. I have not found it fun nor joyful.

I think it would be helpful for people to say how old their kids currently are when they make these declarations. But to be sure, different people have different reactions to the phases of their kids' lives. For me, the baby and toddler years were pure joy, but everything that came after that was more of a struggle. I think more people have the opposite experience.

I am the pp to whom you are responding, and mine are currently 26 and 24.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if other moms feel this way? I love my daughter to death and she was extremely wanted and planned (IVF baby), but I find motherhood more challenging than I ever could have fathomed. I thought I knew what motherhood entailed going into it, but now I feel like I was so naive. The physical and mental demands are relentless. My baby is 9 months old. I still feel like I haven’t 100% adjustment to my new life. Does it get easier?

The day to day stuff was easier. The parts that were hard were when they were in the PICU and NICU and dealing with the schools and IEPs and such. Also, having children who are delayed, it just takes longer and we are burned out before our job is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. It is so much more FUN that I could have ever anticipated. I mean, parenting is hard work, no doubt. But holy cow, they don't tell you just how freaking fun and joyful it all is.

Youare lucky, and am glad some people have that experience. I have not found it fun nor joyful.

I think it would be helpful for people to say how old their kids currently are when they make these declarations. But to be sure, different people have different reactions to the phases of their kids' lives. For me, the baby and toddler years were pure joy, but everything that came after that was more of a struggle. I think more people have the opposite experience.

I am the pp to whom you are responding, and mine are currently 26 and 24.

Are you the PP who did not find parenting to be fun or joyful, or the person who found it fun and joyful? Either is valid, of course. I was only asking because I would have been in the pure fun and joyful camp when my kids were little, but I'm curious how many people with older kids would have such a positive characterization. Mine are over 18 now, and there have been ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

Not easier, but different. Some people love the baby days. I did not relish them and while they were not traumatic, I am not nostalgic for them. I am not sentimental when I see pregnant women or parents with babies and toddlers.

I enjoy having elementary age kids and I am trying to soak up all I can of this window where my kids are independent, capable and interesting to talk to - but still love spending time with me and aren’t embarrassed by me. I worry less about their physical safety or nutrition and more about their feelings and the values I am trying to impart.

Parenting is not easier or harder than I anticipated. It is actually less wholly consuming than I feared it would be. What caught me by surprise is how difficult it is to sit with my kids’ big emotions. I can handle my own anger, disappointment, jealousy, etc. but when my kids experience those things it takes a lot more effort than I imagined to help them through it. The impulse to want to “fix” things for your kids so they don’t have to feel sadness or loss is so strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. It is so much more FUN that I could have ever anticipated. I mean, parenting is hard work, no doubt. But holy cow, they don't tell you just how freaking fun and joyful it all is.

Youare lucky, and am glad some people have that experience. I have not found it fun nor joyful.

I think it would be helpful for people to say how old their kids currently are when they make these declarations. But to be sure, different people have different reactions to the phases of their kids' lives. For me, the baby and toddler years were pure joy, but everything that came after that was more of a struggle. I think more people have the opposite experience.

I am the pp to whom you are responding, and mine are currently 26 and 24.

Are you the PP who did not find parenting to be fun or joyful, or the person who found it fun and joyful? Either is valid, of course. I was only asking because I would have been in the pure fun and joyful camp when my kids were little, but I'm curious how many people with older kids would have such a positive characterization. Mine are over 18 now, and there have been ups and downs.

I am in the camp of parenting not being fun nor joyful at any stage. (24 & 26)

[Anonymous]

It's what I expected: really really hard.

With all 3 kids 15m-30m was just relentless. Nonstop tantrums, power struggles, and then they got easier. My current 2 year old absolutely doesn't make sense. She will say she wants the ball, but then tantrum for a teddy bear when I hand her the ball. Frustrating! I found under 12m to be magical, under 12w was my favorite time of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not easier, but different. Some people love the baby days. I did not relish them and while they were not traumatic, I am not nostalgic for them. I am not sentimental when I see pregnant women or parents with babies and toddlers.

I enjoy having elementary age kids and I am trying to soak up all I can of this window where my kids are independent, capable and interesting to talk to - but still love spending time with me and aren’t embarrassed by me. I worry less about their physical safety or nutrition and more about their feelings and the values I am trying to impart.

Parenting is not easier or harder than I anticipated. It is actually less wholly consuming than I feared it would be. What caught me by surprise is how difficult it is to sit with my kids’ big emotions. I can handle my own anger, disappointment, jealousy, etc. but when my kids experience those things it takes a lot more effort than I imagined to help them through it. The impulse to want to “fix” things for your kids so they don’t have to feel sadness or loss is so strong.

My most recent parenting book states that fixing things for kids is a large cause of anxiety. She said kids need to learn lots of disappointment as kids so that they know how to handle it when they're on their own.

[Anonymous]

I only have a 17-month old so I don’t have a lot of experience to reflect on, but it’s definitely better now than when he was 9 months old. Not necessarily “easier” but it’s great seeing him grow and learn every day and I’m also getting more comfortable as a parent. Obviously lots of challenges to come, but I think for me it felt good to get to and past the milestone of his 1st birthday.

[Anonymous]

Overall definitely yes. I have 3.

I find the baby stage absolutely horrible. The lack of sleep and relentlessness. I might’ve considered having a 4th if not for the baby stage- not something I could bring myself to do again. I also hate being pregnant. I did have a set of twins which likely factors hugely into this, lol.

I found the toddler-preschool ages difficult too but LOVED those ages. My favorite probably. I find kids this age so interesting and exciting- learning new things every day, always so many funny things, so many firsts. Hated the tantrums but find tantrums a lot more manageable than the lack of sleep in the baby stage.

Elementary age- great. The easiest age so far, for all the obvious reasons. And still so fun.

Middle school age- generally yuck, for all the obvious reasons. My last is still this age. Still, didn’t have any major issues with any of mine at this age (knock on wood) and I am very grateful for that.

High school- I have two this age and am really enjoying it so far. Some bumps, but so much good stuff. I love seeing the people they are becoming.

For me, pregnancy and the infant stage were SO MUCH harder than I expected. So so much harder. The rest has been about what I expected, or easier than expected in some ways too.

[Anonymous]

Way harder and in different ways at different ages. I considered suicide when my first was a baby. I felt like I’d ruined my life. I did have a second via IVF when the first was 3. The second was sooooo much easier. Now they are a teen and preteen and they are still difficult at times but they are also so fun. Yes! It gets much much easier than where you are now!

[Anonymous]

Waaaaayyyy harder for me. Definitely not my thing.

[Anonymous]

I never understood the concept of 24/7 but that’s what being a mom is all about. You sleep with one ear open and often have a little person end up in your bed. So, it’s much harder than I ever imagined but it’s also more rewarding. My oldest of four is ten and she doesn’t need me the way she did a few years ago and I both miss that yet realize she is growing up.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read this whole thread but hell yes. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I only have one child.

I’m in the medical field so the job can be demanding and stressful sometimes, but at least I’m in control of the situation and people listen to me. I know what to expect and what to do. I had to go thru a long learning and training process to prepare for it.

No one shows you how to be a parent. You can’t train for your 1st kid. You think when you are going to be a parent your kid won’t have those incredible meltdowns in public only to find out otherwise when reality hits. You come to realize there is only so much you can control, especially if you have a strong willed kid. You naively think things will get easier but it doesn’t, just different challenges.

I would not trade having my son for anything. But being a parent is by the far the hardest thing I have done, nothing even comes close.

[Anonymous]

I would say it is about how hard I expected it to be - I didn’t go in expecting it to be a walk in the park, but it also seemed doable and like the toughest part would be the never ending/no breaks aspect of it…and all of that is pretty accurate. I really love being a parent and while I definitely experience moments of being burnt out or overwhelmed, they’re not a daily or even occurrence - overall I’m really genuinely enjoying it (so far - I have four, and my oldest is 9)

[Anonymous]

^not a daily or even weekly occurrence, that is