Is being a mom harder than you thought?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if other moms feel this way? I love my daughter to death and she was extremely wanted and planned (IVF baby), but I find motherhood more challenging than I ever could have fathomed. I thought I knew what motherhood entailed going into it, but now I feel like I was so naive. The physical and mental demands are relentless. My baby is 9 months old. I still feel like I haven’t 100% adjustment to my new life. Does it get easier?

It gets easier at phases. But then it gets even harder. The teen years can be gut wrenching and parenting young adults is the hardest bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if other moms feel this way? I love my daughter to death and she was extremely wanted and planned (IVF baby), but I find motherhood more challenging than I ever could have fathomed. I thought I knew what motherhood entailed going into it, but now I feel like I was so naive. The physical and mental demands are relentless. My baby is 9 months old. I still feel like I haven’t 100% adjustment to my new life. Does it get easier?

It’s hard. Once they’re on a consistent sleep schedule it can improve some. Please try to ensure that you continue to take care of yourself. Early on I had a sitter come for a 2 hours in the morning three days a week so I could go to the gym to take a class and run an errand for a time out. I couldn’t be w my baby 24/7. There were a few times when I had to walk away from my baby. Like to another room and breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if other moms feel this way? I love my daughter to death and she was extremely wanted and planned (IVF baby), but I find motherhood more challenging than I ever could have fathomed. I thought I knew what motherhood entailed going into it, but now I feel like I was so naive. The physical and mental demands are relentless. My baby is 9 months old. I still feel like I haven’t 100% adjustment to my new life. Does it get easier?

It gets easier at phases. But then it gets even harder. The teen years can be gut wrenching and parenting young adults is the hardest bit.

PP. agree there were challenging and easier phases. I’m finding teen 16 to be easiest so far. My child is mostly lovely and self directed with me as guard rails. And it’s still hard. DC has learning disability and chronic life threatening medical illness that requires 24/7 engagement (medically).

They also walked at 8 months and were running at 9 mo. I remember crying to my ped saying I feel like I don’t have a baby and she said you don’t, you have a toddler.

How are the young adult years hardest for you?

[Anonymous]

I found the infant and toddler years very difficult. Once my child could interact with me, it became much easier. My kid is 16 now and is really fun. It's like having a roommate!

[Anonymous]

After age 2.5 years it gets better. It gets really hard when they begin to walk but don't have any concept of how to keep themselves safe.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 12 and 14 now and the youngest years were the hardest...so far. The lack of sleep really hit me. Everything picked up after the age of 4. Of course now I look back at toddler pics and I think they were so cute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s definitely easier than I thought but I got pregnant by accident. Anecdotally, the friends I have who most desperately wanted to be moms and spent the most money to do it seem to hate it and complain the most.

Were they older? Every single one of my friends who had babies at 37+ has struggled with parenthood. I think because they were more used to a DINK life?

Most were mid thirties. It’s so wild to me to see the constant complaining when I know how much was spent to have these kids. The biggest complainer spent 40k each to adopt two kids.

I don’t know about complaining but I do think that if you struggle to have kids, it makes all of parenting (especially the young ages where fertility/adoption stress is fresh) a lot more fraught. If you got into something even somewhat by accident it can be easier to forgive yourself the learning curve and you will be more likely to have a less rosy expectation of motherhood since you spent way less time romanticizing it before you actually embarked on it.

I agree. I went into it with a lot less expectation that it was going to be wonderful and magical than a woman who has been dreaming of motherhood her whole life. It’s def a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

Being a mom to babies was way easier than I had thought, but I also have an amazingly supportive husband and we had a full-time nanny when the kids were younger (we both work full-time).

Now, however, having kids in elementary school, it is so, so much harder than I had thought. The pain you feel when your kids are hurt (emotionally, not physically, although also that to a certain extent) and the utter helplessness is not something I had anticipated. Of course I've always known I can't control other people, but one of my kids is being mercilessly bullied at school (both verbally and physically) and it is killing me not being able to do anything about it. I have spoken to the school, we have documented every instance, and yet it doesn't seem to be making any difference whatsoever. It's so hard to watch your kids cry from emotional pain than because they're hungry or have colic. Sorry, OP, that probably isn't what you wanted to hear...

[Anonymous]

Nope. It is so much more FUN that I could have ever anticipated. I mean, parenting is hard work, no doubt. But holy cow, they don't tell you just how freaking fun and joyful it all is.

[Anonymous]

I semi raised my siblings to I think I knew what I was getting into more than most. I have three (8/6/4) and it is what I thought it was. The highest highs and the lowest lows.

[Anonymous]

So much harder.

[Anonymous]

No. Easier. I am not a maternal person and was shocked at how biology kicked in.

[Anonymous]

I was a full time nanny for 15 years before I had kids so there was really no transition phase for me, but man did parenthood throw my DH for a loop.

[Anonymous]

Easier definitely. I don't have what most would consider an "easy" kid--he was a fussy baby and is now a very spirited toddler. He's predictable though. You figure out a routine and it just works.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't even thinking unfortunately. It is harder because I'm expected to know where he is at all times. It was harder when I worked physically hard 12- hours shift.
It is easier with formula and diapers than it was for my parents. They had no warm running water always available.
It is harder when it comes to daycare and school. Having to pay a lot and having to take the kid to school and back.My daycare was free and kids got themselves to school and back.
Having to make lunch instead of all kids eating the same food made from scratch, is also harder. School food is no good according to both of my kids.
Being expected to entertain my child, called playing with him, is exhausting. My parents never did that. Playmates/playdates were available at all times when I was growing up. Just go outside.