Is being a mom harder than you thought?

[Anonymous]

Idk why moms have to do 90% of tge child raising on top of doing pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

mom of three. Really enjoying the baby phase third time around. Can appreciate it more because I know what comes next and it goes fast. But obviously I am much more confident and know what not to worry about. I think you just eventually get used to it being your life’s work. But to be honest, no, it doesn’t really get easier. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Toughest job you’ll ever love. Also my dh is all in, he spends far more time with the older two these days, of necessity. Don’t hesitate to hire/seek out help. It’s a marathon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what kind of baby and kid you have. The ones on here saying easier got children who slept and ate well and were generally low needs. My daughter barely slept 11 hours in a 24 hour period throughout infancy and toddlerhood and I wasn’t able to even eat, shower, or brush my teeth most days let alone leave her with anyone else (not even her dad) because she was/is SO high needs and clingy. So for me, it was orders of magnitude harder than I expected.

This is crazy. You simply put the baby down and brush your teeth. Use a carrier. The baby will scream and the baby will eventually learn. My last baby was clingy and we started with a minute at a time of not holding her.

[Anonymous]

I’ve eventually had the revelation that parenting isn’t supposed to be fun or enjoyable. It’s work. I have low expectations now which makes it easier.

I also don’t put up with kids who don’t sleep. I also don’t exist to entertain kids. Go on frequent date nights and have my kids helping around the house.

[Anonymous]

No but l always thought it would be super hard. And it is.

[Anonymous]

Much more difficult than expected. How could anyone know? People without kids think they might know, but they have no idea.

[Anonymous]

I did not give parenting a single thought before I became a mom but once my kids were born I actually found parenting joyful. I think this was due to lots of things working in our favor and a lot of luck. Also, I did not have to contend with the stressors others are talking about.

I am a SAHM so I did not have the stress of a job like many mothers do. I have only 2 kids who are spaced 5 years apart so I was never juggling multiple small kids at the same time. We were ok financially so I could outsource stuff, and my wonderful parents helped for the first few years of birth. We never had a nanny or babysitter for our kids and took cues from our kids. For example, we co-slept for many years, nursed on demand, EBF for 9 months, did not sleep train or let them CIO, took them everywhere with us, did not use pacifier or screens. My kids were toilet trained quite early without much effort too. My DH is also very capable, involved and a cheerful parent to have around, so my kids are equally bonded with him. They are in their late teens and early twenties now.

BUT, as I have said, we did not have other stressors in life which many people have that can make parenting harder. Also, we were very lucky that we were not dealing with difficult issues like health, finances, eldercare etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not give parenting a single thought before I became a mom but once my kids were born I actually found parenting joyful. I think this was due to lots of things working in our favor and a lot of luck. Also, I did not have to contend with the stressors others are talking about.

I am a SAHM so I did not have the stress of a job like many mothers do. I have only 2 kids who are spaced 5 years apart so I was never juggling multiple small kids at the same time. We were ok financially so I could outsource stuff, and my wonderful parents helped for the first few years of birth. We never had a nanny or babysitter for our kids and took cues from our kids. For example, we co-slept for many years, nursed on demand, EBF for 9 months, did not sleep train or let them CIO, took them everywhere with us, did not use pacifier or screens. My kids were toilet trained quite early without much effort too. My DH is also very capable, involved and a cheerful parent to have around, so my kids are equally bonded with him. They are in their late teens and early twenties now.

BUT, as I have said, we did not have other stressors in life which many people have that can make parenting harder. Also, we were very lucky that we were not dealing with difficult issues like health, finances, eldercare etc.

It sounds like you gave up your entire life for your kids. No career. No date nights with your husband. You even gave up space in your marital bed for your kid. Taking them everywhere with you. Attached to your boob for months on end. This all sounds like hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not give parenting a single thought before I became a mom but once my kids were born I actually found parenting joyful. I think this was due to lots of things working in our favor and a lot of luck. Also, I did not have to contend with the stressors others are talking about.

I am a SAHM so I did not have the stress of a job like many mothers do. I have only 2 kids who are spaced 5 years apart so I was never juggling multiple small kids at the same time. We were ok financially so I could outsource stuff, and my wonderful parents helped for the first few years of birth. We never had a nanny or babysitter for our kids and took cues from our kids. For example, we co-slept for many years, nursed on demand, EBF for 9 months, did not sleep train or let them CIO, took them everywhere with us, did not use pacifier or screens. My kids were toilet trained quite early without much effort too. My DH is also very capable, involved and a cheerful parent to have around, so my kids are equally bonded with him. They are in their late teens and early twenties now.

BUT, as I have said, we did not have other stressors in life which many people have that can make parenting harder. Also, we were very lucky that we were not dealing with difficult issues like health, finances, eldercare etc.

Based on what you describe, I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband leaves you. Your husband is clearly not a priority for you. You live for your kids. He is likely scared of you and going along with it. You’ll be shocked by the divorce and tell everyone how you gave up everything for him. But he never demanded you give up your entire life and identity for kids.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 10, 8 and 4.5 and it has been hard at every step, but in different ways. Of course having 3 it’s more demanding than 1 or 2 and you go through some phases multiple times or for longer periods.
The baby years are hard because of the lack of sleep. That will be over very soon. But after that you have the preschool years, the tantrum, the difficulties detaching, the first school, first friends , etc. In elementary school (where I am) it’s hard because of sports, friendships, homework, school applications, speech therapy, birthday parties, school events. Of course if you only have one kid this will be much more manageable. With 3 kids our weekends are crazy busy with zero time to relax, watch a movie, have brunch, etc.
There is also the worries that increase with age.

It’s always hard… I thought the baby phase was the hardest, but middle elementary is possibly harder for me because of the crazy scheduling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk why moms have to do 90% of tge child raising on top of doing pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding.

I used to think this, too. Then I had a child and found out that at least until age 2-3, your child demands you do 90% of the comfort and care regardless of how involved dad is or tries to be. Biology is so strong. We accept this in other animals but for some reason we believe that human babies should be rational and expect dad to do 50% of the caring. I really really wish that were the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not give parenting a single thought before I became a mom but once my kids were born I actually found parenting joyful. I think this was due to lots of things working in our favor and a lot of luck. Also, I did not have to contend with the stressors others are talking about.

I am a SAHM so I did not have the stress of a job like many mothers do. I have only 2 kids who are spaced 5 years apart so I was never juggling multiple small kids at the same time. We were ok financially so I could outsource stuff, and my wonderful parents helped for the first few years of birth. We never had a nanny or babysitter for our kids and took cues from our kids. For example, we co-slept for many years, nursed on demand, EBF for 9 months, did not sleep train or let them CIO, took them everywhere with us, did not use pacifier or screens. My kids were toilet trained quite early without much effort too. My DH is also very capable, involved and a cheerful parent to have around, so my kids are equally bonded with him. They are in their late teens and early twenties now.

BUT, as I have said, we did not have other stressors in life which many people have that can make parenting harder. Also, we were very lucky that we were not dealing with difficult issues like health, finances, eldercare etc.

Based on what you describe, I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband leaves you. Your husband is clearly not a priority for you. You live for your kids. He is likely scared of you and going along with it. You’ll be shocked by the divorce and tell everyone how you gave up everything for him. But he never demanded you give up your entire life and identity for kids.

Women can never win. It’s impossibly hard to juggle a career and the early years of childhood when your baby physically demands to be attached to your body in various ways for YEARS. Then we’re supposed to be punished by our husbands if we lean into motherhood full time during these years. Great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 10, 8 and 4.5 and it has been hard at every step, but in different ways. Of course having 3 it’s more demanding than 1 or 2 and you go through some phases multiple times or for longer periods.
The baby years are hard because of the lack of sleep. That will be over very soon. But after that you have the preschool years, the tantrum, the difficulties detaching, the first school, first friends , etc. In elementary school (where I am) it’s hard because of sports, friendships, homework, school applications, speech therapy, birthday parties, school events. Of course if you only have one kid this will be much more manageable. With 3 kids our weekends are crazy busy with zero time to relax, watch a movie, have brunch, etc.
There is also the worries that increase with age.

It’s always hard… I thought the baby phase was the hardest, but middle elementary is possibly harder for me because of the crazy scheduling.

I also want to mention that I always had a nanny and while she could replace me (and be much better than me) when my kids were infants, she cannot replace me now when the kids need counsel, guidance, direction, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what kind of baby and kid you have. The ones on here saying easier got children who slept and ate well and were generally low needs. My daughter barely slept 11 hours in a 24 hour period throughout infancy and toddlerhood and I wasn’t able to even eat, shower, or brush my teeth most days let alone leave her with anyone else (not even her dad) because she was/is SO high needs and clingy. So for me, it was orders of magnitude harder than I expected.

This is crazy. You simply put the baby down and brush your teeth. Use a carrier. The baby will scream and the baby will eventually learn. My last baby was clingy and we started with a minute at a time of not holding her.

Would you say the baby would learn in two weeks? Six months? A year? Debate I’ve been trying consistently for TWO YEARS to do this and she screams until she throws up. People without high needs babies don’t understand. Good for you. The world needs functional adults who didn’t have to quit their lives because they got a child like mine.