Son blind sided by GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

[Anonymous]

She gave it three years and decided she needs to be near her family. He needs to let her go if he is unwilling to move. No need to denigrate her or her family. Hopefully he doesn't wake up someday after she finds someone
else and realize she was "the one who got away."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

I really don’t think DS wants advice. He knows that he doesn’t want to go but wants someone on his side. Don’t we all need a little coddling sometime. He knows mom will give it. Of course his GF can change her mind, he knows that, he just wants someone in his side of breakup. And to all those people mocking “mommy” sorry you didn’t have a family that provided your comfort when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

I really don’t think DS wants advice. He knows that he doesn’t want to go but wants someone on his side. Don’t we all need a little coddling sometime. He knows mom will give it. Of course his GF can change her mind, he knows that, he just wants someone in his side of breakup. And to all those people mocking “mommy” sorry you didn’t have a family that provided your comfort when needed.

It's not that. Your son never really grew up.

[Anonymous]

How old are they? Did they go to same college or met at work?

Are their employers okay with them moving away or do they have jobs lined up there?

If careers require them to move to another town, state or country, would they survive?

Without a ring, license, vows or prenup, what binds her to stay put forever and ever?

What's the point in going on vacation together? Is he trying to delay the break up hoping to win her over or just doesn't want to waste money?

If move wasn't an issue, would they stay together?

Is she running away from you not him or just looking for an excuse to break it up with him?

If they are mature and committed l, they would find a solution on their own.

I get your anxiety and concern but if you love him, let him decide. Don't pressurize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

Anyone but their mom? That is insane.

[Anonymous]

Don't let your dislike of her cloud your judgment. Just be there to support his decision, not to make his decisions for him.

[Anonymous]

The GF isn’t wrong. If they were thinking of the next step, she probably was thinking about how impossible it is to raise a family in DC compared to back home near her family, and the crazy prices for private, along with the intense pressure-cooker environment.

We moved and my DH has never been happier. He thought he was a “city person” until he found out life doesn’t have to be that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

I really don’t think DS wants advice. He knows that he doesn’t want to go but wants someone on his side. Don’t we all need a little coddling sometime. He knows mom will give it. Of course his GF can change her mind, he knows that, he just wants someone in his side of breakup. And to all those people mocking “mommy” sorry you didn’t have a family that provided your comfort when needed.

First attack GF, now insult other posters. OP, you are a character. Some self-reflection might be helpful, no?

[Anonymous]

My BIL moved to my hometown to be with my sister so they would be near my family. They raised two great sons and have had a successful, happy life there. BIL knew my sister was the one for him and was willing to move thousands of miles away from his family to keep her. Your son is at a crossroads and needs to search inside himself to decide what his gf means to him. It sounds like he is willing to lose her but he won't know what he did until she moves out and he is alone for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

Anyone but their mom? That is insane.

This is unfair and sexist. Moms are as capable to give a sound and fair advice as any other adult.

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend is not serious about the relationship and his mom is a nightmare. Good for her to run away.

[Anonymous]

DC is an expensive place to raise a family so this could be a practical decision, if not here then her hometown is the only other place with a builtin support system.

If he doesn't want to move and she doesn't want to stay, breakup is inevitable, unless they find a mutually agreeable solution.

[Anonymous]

I would advise your son to keep an open mind and be willing to stay friends with his girlfriend after she moves back to her hometown. She might decide she has outgrown the place after a year or so. Or that she really misses him more than her family. Time will tell. If I were him, I'd take the trip and just enjoy being
together without acrimony.