Son blind sided by GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

Anyone but their mom? That is insane.

This is unfair and sexist. Moms are as capable to give a sound and fair advice as any other adult.

Moms are fine but fathers can provide a different perspective. Close friends are going through the same life stage and can relate as a peer.

Friends give a lot of bad advice. Tell you want you want to hear and don't give it to you straight.

Maybe your friends do. Mine have always given me unselfish, honest advice.

You just think they do. Nobody wants tough love or honest advice.

Sorry you don’t have real friends

You're being dishonest. Women tell each other crap all the time. "I'm sure he is just busy at work!" when the truth is "he's just not that into you!" Get real.

That's not my reality but enjoy your shallow friends.

You wouldn't know if your friends are being disingenuous. You believe them when they tell you what you want to hear.

You run with a superficial crowd. I feel sorry for you that you have never had a true friend.

Hilarious! Have you met many women? Its like the posts on here where people ask if they shod tell their friend their husband is cheating on them and the answer is always NO!

Of course. You, however, clearly have not been around many women if you use an anonymous forum to learn about us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to man up and kick her to the curb. Don't waste anymore time with her. Advise him to diversify with múltiple women, to include latinas and Asian babes.

Sounds like she kicked him first...lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

Anyone but their mom? That is insane.

This is unfair and sexist. Moms are as capable to give a sound and fair advice as any other adult.

Moms are fine but fathers can provide a different perspective. Close friends are going through the same life stage and can relate as a peer.

Friends give a lot of bad advice. Tell you want you want to hear and don't give it to you straight.

Maybe your friends do. Mine have always given me unselfish, honest advice.

You just think they do. Nobody wants tough love or honest advice.

Sorry you don’t have real friends

You're being dishonest. Women tell each other crap all the time. "I'm sure he is just busy at work!" when the truth is "he's just not that into you!" Get real.

That's not my reality but enjoy your shallow friends.

You wouldn't know if your friends are being disingenuous. You believe them when they tell you what you want to hear.

You run with a superficial crowd. I feel sorry for you that you have never had a true friend.

Hilarious! Have you met many women? Its like the posts on here where people ask if they shod tell their friend their husband is cheating on them and the answer is always NO!

Of course. You, however, clearly have not been around many women if you use an anonymous forum to learn about us.

Well of course, where else will I learn that there are so many crazies out there? But look around, people do dumb things, marry the wrong people, mess up their lives every day. And for fun, just read the crap advice given on here and right in this thread and pretty much every thread related to relationships or families. If friends were doling out such great advice, we wouldn't see so much messiness everywhere.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t engaged after 3 years and it appears they want to live in different places.

No one has to be the bad guy for a breakup to happen. He might not we worth staying for and she might not be worth leaving for.

I personally wouldn’t build my life around someone I wasn’t engaged to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s allowed to change her mind about what she wants out of life. He’s allowed to decide it’s a dealbreaker. No one is a bad person in this situation, sometimes things happen. It’s hard but you have to let him figure his own life out.

+1
And, OP, I do not mean to criticize you but you seem to really believe that you are only interested in what is best for your son. While I am sure you do of course want what is best for him. What mother would want otherwise. But if you are honest with yourself, you are also quite concerned with your son moving away from you. DC is not just your son's current location and that you think you are neutral here is disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

How are we at page 11 and haven't discussed the qualities of this "hometown"? Would moving there mean taking a significant step back from a major job market / moving into more job-rated precarity? Or is this a suburb of a big city and he just doesn't know anyone yet. The former would be very risky as it could really disrupt his career if he decides ultimately that life is not for him. I'd consider what a move there would look like for him separately from his relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would advise him to break up with her after they are through with their travel plans.
She seems bossy and nobody wants that for their child.

Please share your analysis of him as well?

[Anonymous]

I’m curious, how old are these people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

Not OP, but this is a weird response. OP clearly indicated that her son was talking to her about it.

There is a difference between trying to control and adult child, and being someone that they come to for advice and to talk things through. I certainly hope my kids do that when they are grown. I know I STILL go to my parents in that capacity and I am approaching 50.

The difference, however, is in this case, OP has an opinion about her. Her ability to provide objective non-biased feedback is already compromised.

So? She does not have to provide non-biased feedback. She is the mom FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t engaged after 3 years and it appears they want to live in different places.

No one has to be the bad guy for a breakup to happen. He might not we worth staying for and she might not be worth leaving for.

I personally wouldn’t build my life around someone I wasn’t engaged to.

This.

Also, what are her career prospects anyways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

Not OP, but this is a weird response. OP clearly indicated that her son was talking to her about it.

There is a difference between trying to control and adult child, and being someone that they come to for advice and to talk things through. I certainly hope my kids do that when they are grown. I know I STILL go to my parents in that capacity and I am approaching 50.

The difference, however, is in this case, OP has an opinion about her. Her ability to provide objective non-biased feedback is already compromised.

So? She does not have to provide non-biased feedback. She is the mom FFS.

Yes a bad mom but nevertheless mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it. [/quote]

I can see why the GF wants distance from your family.

[Anonymous]

True nightmare future MIL. No wonder GF is running

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are we at page 11 and haven't discussed the qualities of this "hometown"? Would moving there mean taking a significant step back from a major job market / moving into more job-rated precarity? Or is this a suburb of a big city and he just doesn't know anyone yet. The former would be very risky as it could really disrupt his career if he decides ultimately that life is not for him. I'd consider what a move there would look like for him separately from his relationship with her.

Why? Because neither op's son or the gf posted asking a question. His mommy posted looking for help with words to control him. She thinks it's a personal failure that he might want to move away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

Not OP, but this is a weird response. OP clearly indicated that her son was talking to her about it.

There is a difference between trying to control and adult child, and being someone that they come to for advice and to talk things through. I certainly hope my kids do that when they are grown. I know I STILL go to my parents in that capacity and I am approaching 50.

The difference, however, is in this case, OP has an opinion about her. Her ability to provide objective non-biased feedback is already compromised.

So? She does not have to provide non-biased feedback. She is the mom FFS.

and she is overinvolved and controlling ffs.