Son blind sided by GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want.


Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings.

What about the GF who needs to move back home to be near mommy, same advice? Going back to the nest is not an encouraging sign of a mature, self sufficient adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, you are a rough crowd, my DS contacted me to discuss. My involvement is just a spectator and loving mom who does not want to see her son unhappy by someone who misrepresented herself. Just wondered how other couples manage this situation and thought this group would comment on that experience.

Misrepresented herself? You are manipulative. You are intentionally misrepresenting what she is doing in a negative way to make her look bad. She has life decisions to make just like your son.

You are trying to control your son while trying to act caring. It’s fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, you are a rough crowd, my DS contacted me to discuss. My involvement is just a spectator and loving mom who does not want to see her son unhappy by someone who misrepresented herself. Just wondered how other couples manage this situation and thought this group would comment on that experience.

I don't think this is fair. She changed her mind. It happens. He can either decide it's a dealbreaker or not.

Disagree, there's nothing wrong with changing her mind before they settle down. If fact, this is the time to do it, and not after the marrying.

I agree. This is dating, she tried DC, it didn’t work, he doesn’t want to move.

Break up… it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This group is way too hard on OP. It is an anonymous forum for her to express herself. She knows it is her son’s decision. She is obviously concerned over situation since she loves her son. And of course that is where her loyalty lies. To me is sounds like son may want Mom’s support/understanding when he breaks it off. He also wants her to take his side. It sounds to me like she is handling it best she can. You can never be objective when it is your kids-even if you are 100 years old. She is not giving an unsolicited opinion!!!

Funniest post of the day.

[Anonymous]

She may be thinking of next steps. Getting married and starting a family. She will want the supports of her family nearby once kids arrive. She is thinking ahead.

[Anonymous]

Stay noncomittal, tell him you support him whatever decision he makes, that you're here to listen but can't really advise him because it's his decision. You can say that you know he'll be able to handle the fallout no matter what he decides to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

Not OP, but this is a weird response. OP clearly indicated that her son was talking to her about it.

There is a difference between trying to control and adult child, and being someone that they come to for advice and to talk things through. I certainly hope my kids do that when they are grown. I know I STILL go to my parents in that capacity and I am approaching 50.

The difference, however, is in this case, OP has an opinion about her. Her ability to provide objective non-biased feedback is already compromised.

What? It is her son, of course she has a “non biased feedback”.

Op, I would encourage him to take his time and think about the life he wants. It can be with her or not. Would he find a job there, have a career, make friends if he moved for her and it doesn’t work out with her? He is a BF at this point.

Maybe you are too dumb to understand this but... You got to let your kid grow up. That means you need to step aside and let him go his way.

So if a kid calls to vent or for advice you can only say “none of my business.” That’s ridiculous.

Well - you talk differently with your kid than you would with other people about what your kid is doing, I think. You can empathize with him when he says she misrepresented herself, it's not fair, blah blah blah - but I wouldn't report that to outsiders as if it's a fair reading of the situation. They've been together 3 years and aren't engaged or married - this seems like the right time for the GF to move, if that's what she wants to do. And OP's son can decide that this woman is worth changing his life for, or that this relationship has run its course (without anyone having been the bad guy).

But really - OP sounds too invested in her son's perspective on this. And I can see why the GF doesn't feel welcome with her!

If you have a therapist read the post and your reaction to the post to them do they can help you with your disordered thinking.

You have way too much damage in your life for me to explain to you why you have this all wrong.

Not pp. Your post is crazy pants and you are in denial. Op has a strong opinion and is making it clear to her ds and doing it in a manipulative way. Your saying that those of us who don’t support this are damaged is comedy gold. It’s clear who needs therapy here.

[Anonymous]

OP hates GF for doing.... Exactly what OP wants DS to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

Not OP, but this is a weird response. OP clearly indicated that her son was talking to her about it.

There is a difference between trying to control and adult child, and being someone that they come to for advice and to talk things through. I certainly hope my kids do that when they are grown. I know I STILL go to my parents in that capacity and I am approaching 50.

The difference, however, is in this case, OP has an opinion about her. Her ability to provide objective non-biased feedback is already compromised.

What? It is her son, of course she has a “non biased feedback”.

Op, I would encourage him to take his time and think about the life he wants. It can be with her or not. Would he find a job there, have a career, make friends if he moved for her and it doesn’t work out with her? He is a BF at this point.

Maybe you are too dumb to understand this but... You got to let your kid grow up. That means you need to step aside and let him go his way.

So if a kid calls to vent or for advice you can only say “none of my business.” That’s ridiculous.

Well - you talk differently with your kid than you would with other people about what your kid is doing, I think. You can empathize with him when he says she misrepresented herself, it's not fair, blah blah blah - but I wouldn't report that to outsiders as if it's a fair reading of the situation. They've been together 3 years and aren't engaged or married - this seems like the right time for the GF to move, if that's what she wants to do. And OP's son can decide that this woman is worth changing his life for, or that this relationship has run its course (without anyone having been the bad guy).

But really - OP sounds too invested in her son's perspective on this. And I can see why the GF doesn't feel welcome with her!

Why shouldn’t she be concerned if her son is about to uproot his life for someone when he is obviously hesitant. The GF has every right to decide where she wants to live, but if he loves DC and has family there, he is right to think carefully about whether he should commit to leaving for good.

Duh. It’s the kid’s decision to make. It is his life. She got to make the decisions about hers. She’s clearly devastated he is considering leaving her and she equates that with not having a close family. Like it’s a failure. She is controlling. Probably like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want.


Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings.

What about the GF who needs to move back home to be near mommy, same advice? Going back to the nest is not an encouraging sign of a mature, self sufficient adult.

Who said she’s running back to mommy? You are dishonest and manipulative. We’re telling mom to stay out of it not trying to make the decisions for these two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want.


Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings.

What about the GF who needs to move back home to be near mommy, same advice? Going back to the nest is not an encouraging sign of a mature, self sufficient adult.

Who said she’s running back to mommy? You are dishonest and manipulative. We’re telling mom to stay out of it not trying to make the decisions for these two.

She’s literally moving home to be with her family.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Her son wants to stay in DC and be near his family.

There is nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been three years and he's the BF not the fiancee. She has no obligation to align her life with his or take his side against her family and maybe she doesn't want to live near her BF's mom who she obviously doesn't like and who doesn't like her

Oh hi, the gf found the thread.

OP did not say she had an obligation. Geez. Calm tf down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want.


Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings.

What about the GF who needs to move back home to be near mommy, same advice? Going back to the nest is not an encouraging sign of a mature, self sufficient adult.

Who said she’s running back to mommy? You are dishonest and manipulative. We’re telling mom to stay out of it not trying to make the decisions for these two.

She has done this? Or can you not read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This group is way too hard on OP. It is an anonymous forum for her to express herself. She knows it is her son’s decision. She is obviously concerned over situation since she loves her son. And of course that is where her loyalty lies. To me is sounds like son may want Mom’s support/understanding when he breaks it off. He also wants her to take his side. It sounds to me like she is handling it best she can. You can never be objective when it is your kids-even if you are 100 years old. She is not giving an unsolicited opinion!!!

Funniest post of the day.

The most accurate post of the day, actually. Unlike yours, which adds nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s allowed to change her mind about what she wants out of life. He’s allowed to decide it’s a dealbreaker. No one is a bad person in this situation, sometimes things happen. It’s hard but you have to let him figure his own life out.

so much this!