If he only wants to be with her if they live near his family, and not near hers, that's a problem. With your son, not her.
Two other observations: With respect to conflict with her sibling, it's impossible to determine whether she was right or wrong to "align herself" with her sibling without knowing what the conflict is about. It's entirely possible that your son was in the wrong. Also, your subsequent posts, particularly your suggestion that she misrepresented herself, should provide you with an insight about why does doesn't like you. |
It’s honestly this. She tried DC and it sounds like it isn’t what she wants. He can either choose to try a distance relationship, end it, or go try her hometown and see how he feels. It stinks when this happens but it’s also part of life for young adults and part of the process of sorting out who they take the next step with. She can still be a lovely person and they may not be the right partners long term. |
What? It is her son, of course she has a “non biased feedback”. Op, I would encourage him to take his time and think about the life he wants. It can be with her or not. Would he find a job there, have a career, make friends if he moved for her and it doesn’t work out with her? He is a BF at this point. |
This group is way too hard on OP. It is an anonymous forum for her to express herself. She knows it is her son’s decision. She is obviously concerned over situation since she loves her son. And of course that is where her loyalty lies. To me is sounds like son may want Mom’s support/understanding when he breaks it off. He also wants her to take his side. It sounds to me like she is handling it best she can. You can never be objective when it is your kids-even if you are 100 years old. She is not giving an unsolicited opinion!!! |
Yes, he does. Be there for him. |
Maybe you are too dumb to understand this but... You got to let your kid grow up. That means you need to step aside and let him go his way. |
So if a kid calls to vent or for advice you can only say “none of my business.” That’s ridiculous. |
People are so f’d up by their parents they don’t understand normal adult support and bonding with their children. It’s so sad and pathetic. |
Well - you talk differently with your kid than you would with other people about what your kid is doing, I think. You can empathize with him when he says she misrepresented herself, it's not fair, blah blah blah - but I wouldn't report that to outsiders as if it's a fair reading of the situation. They've been together 3 years and aren't engaged or married - this seems like the right time for the GF to move, if that's what she wants to do. And OP's son can decide that this woman is worth changing his life for, or that this relationship has run its course (without anyone having been the bad guy). But really - OP sounds too invested in her son's perspective on this. And I can see why the GF doesn't feel welcome with her! |
If you have a therapist read the post and your reaction to the post to them do they can help you with your disordered thinking. You have way too much damage in your life for me to explain to you why you have this all wrong. |
Why shouldn’t she be concerned if her son is about to uproot his life for someone when he is obviously hesitant. The GF has every right to decide where she wants to live, but if he loves DC and has family there, he is right to think carefully about whether he should commit to leaving for good. |
I doesn’t even sound like she changed her mind. She was okay living in DC. As she’s getting older she’s probably thinking about what she wants her adult life to look like. I remember those years after college, nothing felt permanent, life was full of possibilities. I bet she was happy to live here. If a boyfriend tried to paint my increasing desire to live close to my family as a lie, that would be the biggest red flag in the world. I bet a big part of it is that she sees her boyfriend live close to his family and she wants that for herself too. |
Too much projecting in this thread. |
I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want. Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings. |
Disagree, there's nothing wrong with changing her mind before they settle down. If fact, this is the time to do it, and not after the marrying. |