Son blind sided by GF

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

Who can men ask for advice? Daughters ask for advice all the time.

Their father? Close friends?

Anyone but their mom? That is insane.

This is unfair and sexist. Moms are as capable to give a sound and fair advice as any other adult.

Moms are fine but fathers can provide a different perspective. Close friends are going through the same life stage and can relate as a peer.

Friends give a lot of bad advice. Tell you want you want to hear and don't give it to you straight.

Maybe your friends do. Mine have always given me unselfish, honest advice.

You just think they do. Nobody wants tough love or honest advice.

Sorry you don’t have real friends

You're being dishonest. Women tell each other crap all the time. "I'm sure he is just busy at work!" when the truth is "he's just not that into you!" Get real.

That's not my reality but enjoy your shallow friends.

You wouldn't know if your friends are being disingenuous. You believe them when they tell you what you want to hear.

You run with a superficial crowd. I feel sorry for you that you have never had a true friend.

Hilarious! Have you met many women? Its like the posts on here where people ask if they shod tell their friend their husband is cheating on them and the answer is always NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, you are a rough crowd, my DS contacted me to discuss. My involvement is just a spectator and loving mom who does not want to see her son unhappy by someone who misrepresented herself. Just wondered how other couples manage this situation and thought this group would comment on that experience.

The most frequent reply you will get from people here is some version of "butt out" or "don't be a helicopter parent."

You said your son reached out to you and you pointed you that you kept your mouth shut about your feelings in that conversation. Despite that, people here have told you to MYOB. How annoying of them.

Are you venting? If you're seeking advice, I don't have any to give except that listening and perhaps asking a carefully worded question can be helpful.

My oldest child recently asked my advice about a topic. I asked a few questions for them to think about. For instance, they said something about deciding yes made them anxious and I asked them to clarify that...the point is mostly to listen and not give advice unless they directly say, "I want advice."

It sounds like you did all that. If so, good job!

[Anonymous]

Op you are never going to have a good relationship with any dil’s because you only see them as a threat and a tool. She did not ‘misrepresent herself’. Your son would actually be better off moving away from you with her as you will sabotage his future marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

And how does this involve you? They aren't married. Let your son decide what he wants to do. GF has every right to live her life. Stay out of it. I can see why gf may not like you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you are involved in what way? Did your son ask for your help? Butt out.

+1 I get you, OP. I'd be worried, too, but I assume he's a grown man. He needs to make the call. But I agree, I think it's a bad idea. He needs to grow a pair.

What do you mean by grow a pair? Are you sayi g gf has no right to live where she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to break up.

Tell him to let her move home and say he will wrap things up here and move in 6 months, then never move.

This is why we date, to figure out if marriage will work so it’s not gonna work out.

So you would encourage this man to LIE to his gf? Thats terrible.

Op are you guilting your son in staying here? What if he wants to move at some point and has a great opportunity?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend is not serious about the relationship and his mom is a nightmare. Good for her to run away.

She's not running away. She's asking him to move with her. He's the one running away from her with his "cut my losses and drop her now" attitude. Good riddance. She deserves a man who loves her enough to stay.

It goes both ways. He also deserves a woman who
Loves him enough to stay.

Ahhh no. Gf should live where she wants to live. Life ain't no dress rehearsal and they ain't even married!

[Anonymous]

I would advise him to break up with her after they are through with their travel plans.
She seems bossy and nobody wants that for their child.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to man up and kick her to the curb. Don't waste anymore time with her. Advise him to diversify with múltiple women, to include latinas and Asian babes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
Your own comments from your initial post. “I see danger ahead if he goes” “I had a tight family, not anymore” “gf doesn’t like me” “I would never see my grandchildren”. “Blind sided by gf”

+100

You "never see[ing] your grandchildren" is not your son's burden to carry. And your opinion on where he lives shouldn't influence his choice of partner. I can't imagine being your son and having to weigh mom's contempt and disapproval of GF on top of a big decision. What an extra burden for him to carry. Let him figure this out, just be there to support him.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like these two are ready for a long-term commitment.

And THAT'S OK. That's what dating is for.

Neither is at fault, they're just learning things about themselves that suggest they may not be suitable as lifetime partners.

It takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work.

[Anonymous]

^ this

and I think, Mom saying "they were ready to take the next step" was making excuses for her son for not proposing. It's been 3 years. Time for this young girl to move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ this

and I think, Mom saying "they were ready to take the next step" was making excuses for her son for not proposing. It's been 3 years. Time for this young girl to move along.

+1. I’ll bet she marries before he does.

[Anonymous]

She misrepresented herself? No, she changed her mind. Apparently, your son did too. 🧐what’s that called again? They are no longer in love. If they were, your son’s call to you would’ve been adios.

[Anonymous]

TLDR is got to the part where OP claimed the GF misrepresented herself, as if someone that young isn’t allowed to change their minds or their priorities. OP is effed up in the head. Monster In Law.