Son blind sided by GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This group is way too hard on OP. It is an anonymous forum for her to express herself. She knows it is her son’s decision. She is obviously concerned over situation since she loves her son. And of course that is where her loyalty lies. To me is sounds like son may want Mom’s support/understanding when he breaks it off. He also wants her to take his side. It sounds to me like she is handling it best she can. You can never be objective when it is your kids-even if you are 100 years old. She is not giving an unsolicited opinion!!!

Funniest post of the day.

The most accurate post of the day, actually. Unlike yours, which adds nothing.

Of course because it was your post! Lol

[Anonymous]

The GF is moving for sure. Your son has two options, move with her and imagine what life would be with her in her hometown or break up.
He already leaned toward breaking up. Just tell him you would like to have your kid living closer, but it's his life. You will be there for him no matter what he decides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been three years and he's the BF not the fiancee. She has no obligation to align her life with his or take his side against her family and maybe she doesn't want to live near her BF's mom who she obviously doesn't like and who doesn't like her

Oh hi, the gf found the thread.

OP did not say she had an obligation. Geez. Calm tf down.

You are as nuts as op. Btw are you op?

[Anonymous]

Travel plans in the next few months -- is the least important. So, he loses some money. Not very big, not in the big picture. He should not move if he doesn't want to. His life -with another woman- will be happier in a place he wants to be. And certainly her attachment to her family, and not him, is the main reason for a breakup. But he was to decide this, and on his timeline. He should feel no obligation that she has to be "the one". Often with first intimate relationship, and promises made, there can be tremendous guilt when breaking up. Again, money lost on a trip is pretty unimportant, in the big picture, so don't nit pick about a timeline.

Other thought though - maybe she has just decided she's tired of waiting for a proposal? If he hasn't prosed by now ... or soon (on this trip ...?), she's moving home. She may be thinking she may as well since there's no firm commitment for her to stay in DC when she otherwise wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, you are a rough crowd, my DS contacted me to discuss. My involvement is just a spectator and loving mom who does not want to see her son unhappy by someone who misrepresented herself. Just wondered how other couples manage this situation and thought this group would comment on that experience.

Oh please. You have to be trolling LOL

[Anonymous]

Who ever heard of a woman who wants to live near her parents so she has support for raising her children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be w[b]ith her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she lik[/b]e DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I need clarification on the “and would like him to come”. Is this “I think WE should move here for next stage of life” or I’m moving and I hope you join me? Does she have a job there? Is she moving home for lower housing costs and help with eventual children? Or is this “I can work from anywhere and don’t want to be far from my family anymore” ?

That’s all for son to figure out. Not his mommy.

[Anonymous]

What kind of man runs to his mama for relationship advice? GF should run.

[Anonymous]

Op's words - "blindsided by GF" and "misrepresented herself" tell how OP feels about GF.

[Anonymous]

The pull to be near home is often very strong as your son seems to have it too. He’s an adult and needs to make his own decisions. You should be a good listener and offer thoughts but not direction. One concern would be about career opportunities near her home town. The other is that being with your son is less important than being with her family. But the fact that after three years he hasn’t proposed may be part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Shoulda put a ring on it two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who ever heard of a woman who wants to live near her parents so she has support for raising her children?

Crazy, right? Just like the parents who move to their adult kid's city so they can see their grandchildren grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a GF of three years and they were ready to take the next step. He called me bc the GF now wants to move from DC back to her hometown 6 hours away to be with her family and would like him to come. At the outset of the relationship they had aligned their goals and she agreed she like DC and was going to stay, so this was a surprise to him. We get why she wants to move home, but that is not his home, DC is and he has built relationships and friends and a business network here. Additionally she is tight with her family and when there was some misunderstanding with one of her siblings with him (dumb stuff) the GF immediately aligned with her family which makes him uncomfortable following her back to her hometown, knowing his support system there might be shaky. He loved her and imagined a life with her, just not this one. In addition they have travel plans in the next few months and he is trying to figure out if he should just end the relationship now, or do something that may or may not work for him.
I'm just a Mom, but I see danger ahead if he goes, I had a tight family, not anymore, but his unease with this I feel is well founded. I just let him talk it out but was noncommittal, because I already don't think the GF really likes me for a number of reasons but keep that to myself, if they have a family I would never see my grandchildren and I know it.

I would run from your son because of your overinvolvement. An adult doesn’t need mommy trying to decide his life for him. Listen but don’t push what you want.


Get therapy because you clearly want to clip your kid’s wings.

What about the GF who needs to move back home to be near mommy, same advice? Going back to the nest is not an encouraging sign of a mature, self sufficient adult.

Who said she’s running back to mommy? You are dishonest and manipulative. We’re telling mom to stay out of it not trying to make the decisions for these two.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. GF is running home to be with her mommy who will likely be overinvolved in her life. OP wants to stay involved too. Why is it only good for mothers of daughters to want to stay involved? Would you advise mom of GF to stay out of it and encourage her daughter to act differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of man runs to his mama for relationship advice? GF should run.

She is running. All the way home. These people should just break up, they both want to live near parents.