Do you miss your ‘babies’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I look at my 40 year old dc and yearn til it hurts. He will always be MY baby. His wife will never replace me.

WTF. His wife isn’t his MOM. But she IS the most important female in his life, or should be.

DP but I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic.

This seems weird to say (or think). Oedipal.

Mom-child relationship should be a totally separate thing from spouse-spouse relationship.

you’re saying even if your daughters marry, you will still be the most important person in their life? What if they marry a woman?

Do you have a son?

I am a new poster. I have a son. This shit is weird this person is saying. I do not ever think about how my son loves me most and someday will replace me with a wife. I do not ever think about how I will always be the center of my daughter's world.

You all are sincerely setting yourself up for some hard times when you have adult children. They WILL have their own families and you WILL NOT be the center of their lives and this is normal and healthy and if you can't handle this they will cut your ass out of their lives.

[Anonymous]

I am not very sentimental, so this is not an issue as much for me. My kids are basically the same ages and I love these elementary school years. My kids are starting to be self-sufficient, responsible, and helpful. They can have interesting conversations. They still hug me and hold my hand. They still want to hang out with me. Hopefully they will always come to me for advice and want yo hug me, but I know they will naturally pull away and create space between us because that is developmentally normal. Each new skill and each milestone is a step towards successfully launching them into adulthood.

I do see a lot of moms my age who are grieving the “baby” stage and I think it is one or both of two things.

First it’s grieving that your kids are not wholly dependent on you anymore. Forget diapers and naps - my kids trim their own nails and set up their own play dates. They manage their own schedules to pack soccer gear or their band instrument in the morning. They make their own breakfast. If you don’t have your own identity, friends, and hobbies as a mom, you don’t feel “needed” anymore.

Secondly if you had kids in your late 30s and they are now in late elementary grades, your friends likely span from those still having babies to those in the early stages of menopause. If you are closer to the menopause crowd, you may be grieving the end of your fertility and to some extent your youth. I’d love to be 28 again - but I have NO interest in changing diapers or cleaning a high chair again until I am a grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I look at my 40 year old dc and yearn til it hurts. He will always be MY baby. His wife will never replace me.

WTF. His wife isn’t his MOM. But she IS the most important female in his life, or should be.

DP but I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic.

This seems weird to say (or think). Oedipal.

Mom-child relationship should be a totally separate thing from spouse-spouse relationship.

you’re saying even if your daughters marry, you will still be the most important person in their life? What if they marry a woman?

Do you have a son?

I am a new poster. I have a son. This shit is weird this person is saying. I do not ever think about how my son loves me most and someday will replace me with a wife. I do not ever think about how I will always be the center of my daughter's world.

You all are sincerely setting yourself up for some hard times when you have adult children. They WILL have their own families and you WILL NOT be the center of their lives and this is normal and healthy and if you can't handle this they will cut your ass out of their lives.

I agree wholeheartedly. My job as a parent is to launch my children into adulthood so they can have their own families. I will never love my parents or as much as they love me or think about them as much as they think about me. However through having my own children I can understand how my parents feel about me because that’s the kind of unconditional unwavering love I feel for my own children. Similarly my kids love me, but it is naturally lopsided. Hopefully someday, if they choose to have kids, they will experience the love I have for them through their love of their own children. I wouldn’t want my kids to love me in the same way I love them - that is not healthy. Acknowledging that someday my sons’ primary relationships will be with their partners doesn’t replace me or invalidate my role in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I look at my 40 year old dc and yearn til it hurts. He will always be MY baby. His wife will never replace me.

WTF. His wife isn’t his MOM. But she IS the most important female in his life, or should be.

DP but I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic.

This seems weird to say (or think). Oedipal.

Mom-child relationship should be a totally separate thing from spouse-spouse relationship.

you’re saying even if your daughters marry, you will still be the most important person in their life? What if they marry a woman?

Do you have a son?

I am a new poster. I have a son. This shit is weird this person is saying. I do not ever think about how my son loves me most and someday will replace me with a wife. I do not ever think about how I will always be the center of my daughter's world.

You all are sincerely setting yourself up for some hard times when you have adult children. They WILL have their own families and you WILL NOT be the center of their lives and this is normal and healthy and if you can't handle this they will cut your ass out of their lives.

I agree wholeheartedly. My job as a parent is to launch my children into adulthood so they can have their own families. I will never love my parents or as much as they love me or think about them as much as they think about me. However through having my own children I can understand how my parents feel about me because that’s the kind of unconditional unwavering love I feel for my own children. Similarly my kids love me, but it is naturally lopsided. Hopefully someday, if they choose to have kids, they will experience the love I have for them through their love of their own children. I wouldn’t want my kids to love me in the same way I love them - that is not healthy. Acknowledging that someday my sons’ primary relationships will be with their partners doesn’t replace me or invalidate my role in their lives.

I'm the PP you guys are responding to. I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. I have a 3 and 4 year old. I'm the center of their universe. Of course as they grow up this will change, as it should! I'm not trying to keep it that way, that would be overbearing and weird. I'm saying I understand that as they get older the center of their universe will be their spouses and children. I can appreciate how special this time is because I know it's finite.

I'm saying exactly what you are.

[Anonymous]

^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

[Anonymous]

This is why God invented neices and nephews and grandchildren and neighbors. There is no shortage of babies who want cuddles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

PP is touching in the fact that men are socialized to not expose vulnerability while women are socialized to expose it. So moms "get more" social bonding from their daughters than sons. That puts the mother in a different position in the relationship, respectively.
This is in broad strokes, not universal for all people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

I don't know one grown woman who speaks to her mother daily and asks for advice and support daily. I would think that's weird for a woman or a man. Who even has time for that. I have friends and I talk to my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

I don't know one grown woman who speaks to her mother daily and asks for advice and support daily. I would think that's weird for a woman or a man. Who even has time for that. I have friends and I talk to my spouse.

Really? You don't know a single woman who speaks to her mother every day? I find that very hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

PP back. You are correct this is what you said. So I stand corrected. I still can't relate to what you wrote and go back to my original comment I guess. I just have never thought about my son this way in terms of thinking about how some day he'll love someone more than me. I have both genders, for what it's worth. And sure, maybe I have mommy issues. Probably most people do on some level. Not sure how that's relevant here.

"I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

I don't know one grown woman who speaks to her mother daily and asks for advice and support daily. I would think that's weird for a woman or a man. Who even has time for that. I have friends and I talk to my spouse.

Really? You don't know a single woman who speaks to her mother every day? I find that very hard to believe.

I am thinking and trying to be genuine. I know one woman who never had kids and is super close to her mom. I don't know for a fact they speak daily. But if I learned that it would make sense and I wouldn't be surprised.

Anyone I know doesn't really talk to anyone on the phone daily. I don't know. My friend circle, we all have full-time jobs and are raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

PP back. You are correct this is what you said. So I stand corrected. I still can't relate to what you wrote and go back to my original comment I guess. I just have never thought about my son this way in terms of thinking about how some day he'll love someone more than me. I have both genders, for what it's worth. And sure, maybe I have mommy issues. Probably most people do on some level. Not sure how that's relevant here.

"I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic."

Yes. I look at my three year old and how much he loves me and it makes me sad this time is finite. You caught me! Also I know that as my children age I will likely remain emotionally closer to my daughters than my son. Caught me again!

The fact that you see something weird in these statements makes you sound a little off tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

PP back. You are correct this is what you said. So I stand corrected. I still can't relate to what you wrote and go back to my original comment I guess. I just have never thought about my son this way in terms of thinking about how some day he'll love someone more than me. I have both genders, for what it's worth. And sure, maybe I have mommy issues. Probably most people do on some level. Not sure how that's relevant here.

"I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic."

Yes. I look at my three year old and how much he loves me and it makes me sad this time is finite. You caught me! Also I know that as my children age I will likely remain emotionally closer to my daughters than my son. Caught me again!

The fact that you see something weird in these statements makes you sound a little off tbh.

Other people responded to you FYI and I am not the only person who will object to the stereotype that sons are not close to mothers and daughters are.