Do you miss your ‘babies’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

PP back. You are correct this is what you said. So I stand corrected. I still can't relate to what you wrote and go back to my original comment I guess. I just have never thought about my son this way in terms of thinking about how some day he'll love someone more than me. I have both genders, for what it's worth. And sure, maybe I have mommy issues. Probably most people do on some level. Not sure how that's relevant here.

"I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic."

Yes. I look at my three year old and how much he loves me and it makes me sad this time is finite. You caught me! Also I know that as my children age I will likely remain emotionally closer to my daughters than my son. Caught me again!

The fact that you see something weird in these statements makes you sound a little off tbh.

Other people responded to you FYI and I am not the only person who will object to the stereotype that sons are not close to mothers and daughters are.

Yes, the stereotype is completely in my head and I am the sole person who believes it. Everyone else in the world sees clearly that men are generally closer to their mothers than women.

GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

New poster here and yeah, I think if you expect to not be as close to your son as he grows older compared to your daughter, then that might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said I expect to be the center of my daughters' worlds! But it's really playing dumb and disingenuous to not admit that there's a difference in adult mother/daughter relationships than adult mother/son relationships. There just is. I still rely on my mom for emotional support in way that no man I know does. And if I expected my son to rely on me in that way as an adult you would all jump in to say that's creepy and overbearing!

I appreciate your clarifications. I just personally think it's a weird way to look at things. Yes, you're the center of their lives when they're little, but that to me always felt a bit like the overbearing part of parenting not the best part of parenting. The best part is that they love you the most in the world and you're the center of their universe? I just personally can't relate.

Your making generalizations about mother/daughter vs mother/son relationships. Many (not a few) of my female friends have pretty terrible relationships with their moms. Some people are very close to their mothers. If anything, I would say most (not all) of the men I know have great and healthy relationships with their mom. Close enough and positive. I think mother/daughter relationships have a lot of land mines that get stepped on a lot.

Please point to where I said being the center of their universe is the best part of parenting? Because I don't believe it is and would never write that.

I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom, truly. But it sounds like you have mommy issues and are projecting. Ancedota isn't data. I would say that 90% of the adult mother/daughter relationships I know are very emotionally close. Similarly the vast majority of men I know do not rely on their mothers for emotional support in the way the women I know do. That's not saying they're not close to their mothers, but the relationships are different. Frankly I think if a man posted about calling his mother daily for advice and support people might think that's a bit overbearing on the part of his mother.

PP back. You are correct this is what you said. So I stand corrected. I still can't relate to what you wrote and go back to my original comment I guess. I just have never thought about my son this way in terms of thinking about how some day he'll love someone more than me. I have both genders, for what it's worth. And sure, maybe I have mommy issues. Probably most people do on some level. Not sure how that's relevant here.

"I think about this with my son a lot, it makes it extra hard. I want him to get married and love his wife more than me, that's natural and healthy. It just makes it all that harder knowing he'll never love me as much as he does right now. At least with my daughters I know it will always kind of be the same dynamic."

Yes. I look at my three year old and how much he loves me and it makes me sad this time is finite. You caught me! Also I know that as my children age I will likely remain emotionally closer to my daughters than my son. Caught me again!

The fact that you see something weird in these statements makes you sound a little off tbh.

Other people responded to you FYI and I am not the only person who will object to the stereotype that sons are not close to mothers and daughters are.

Yes, the stereotype is completely in my head and I am the sole person who believes it. Everyone else in the world sees clearly that men are generally closer to their mothers than women.

GMAFB.

You are very defensive.

[Anonymous]

Yes!!!! Mine are teenagers- and I definitely miss the days when I could cuddle and hold them as babies ...and also when they thought you were cool and wanted to be with you (until age 11). Now - at 15 and 17 - they just want to be left alone bc apparently I don't know anything. My daughter didn't even want me to review her college essay. But whenever I look at old pictures, my heart really yearns for those times. The only two things that I don't miss are 1) not sleeping through the night; and 2) having to drag all the "equipment" whenever you go out - even to the grocery store.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. My kids are now 11 and 14, and there are days I'd give anything to see their sweet little toddler faces again or rock them to sleep, but then I realize I no longer need to change diapers, do daycare drop off and pick-up, can leave them home alone, can sleep in while they take care of themselves, and can do activities like hiking and skiing that were challenging when they were little and I am all good.

[Anonymous]

No, I enjoy them the way they are now at 15 & 12. They are still growing, having new interests, discovering the world, and it’s just amazing getting to know them over and over again as they grow & evolve.

I dread how little time I have left till the older flies out of the nest. It feels it’s coming too soon (when oldest was 7 it still seemed like ages away)… so trying to hold on and cherish every day.

[Anonymous]

My youngest is three and I’m really dreading not having a baby/toddler around. But I get a lot of joy from my older kids and how they are developing. It’s a passage we all go through. You can’t freeze time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here and yeah, I think if you expect to not be as close to your son as he grows older compared to your daughter, then that might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not coping well with the passage of time (quite a significant issue overall) and specifically as it pertains to my kids getting older. They are 7 and 10 and whenever the iPhone reminds me of them being younger (constantly) I just feel like I painfully miss them as babies. Anyone else? Urgh.

I didn’t know I would and I mostly enjoy my now 16 year old son. He’s funny, engaged, motivated, opinionated -much like he was 6. And it does fly by!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but at the same time I remember how challenging those days were. I wish I could just go back in time and have one day with them as babies. I definitely indulge in slide shows of the days when they were little. I don't shy away from those feelings. But I also adore the ages my kids are at now. They are 11 and 14 and such a trip.

I agree, though man, my heart also hurts when those memories pop up. I can sometimes spiral into a dark place imagining them completely grown up (mine are 13, 11, and 8). But the truth is, life is so much more fun now. No constantly watching them, wiping their butts, worrying about their naps, playing dumb baby games. I love this stage. But I mourn the early stages.

[Anonymous]

I already miss my 5-year-old as a baby! It's a good thing, at least for our finances, that we started our family late as I think I might have otherwise had more than we could handle.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the moment. I think a lot of people find 7 and 10 to be a golden age. While they aren't babies, you really see their personalities come out and they are not yet in like tween/teen drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not coping well with the passage of time (quite a significant issue overall) and specifically as it pertains to my kids getting older. They are 7 and 10 and whenever the iPhone reminds me of them being younger (constantly) I just feel like I painfully miss them as babies. Anyone else? Urgh.

How maudlin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not coping well with the passage of time (quite a significant issue overall) and specifically as it pertains to my kids getting older. They are 7 and 10 and whenever the iPhone reminds me of them being younger (constantly) I just feel like I painfully miss them as babies. Anyone else? Urgh.

Live in present or soon you'll be posting about missing time when they were 7 and 10.