DH's College GF Died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

+1 And this makes me wonder how everyone in the college friend group feels about OP.

[Anonymous]

It is amazing to me that someone would think like OP. How could someone be so cold?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

Honoring the dead is older than humanity. I have no idea what I'd want in DH's shoes (my college GF is my wife, so...), but I would never dream of interfering with my spouse's expression of that universal human impulse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

Honoring the dead is older than humanity. I have no idea what I'd want in DH's shoes (my college GF is my wife, so...), but I would never dream of interfering with my spouse's expression of that universal human impulse.

Do you honor all the dead? Every past best friend who moved away and fell out of touch for years? Every relative in every location? Do tell.

I'm not saying OP should "interfere" if the DH wants to attend, but these lofty posts about honoring the dead leave an impression of noble DCUMers going off to funerals of every long-past lover or friend. Doubtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

+1 And this makes me wonder how everyone in the college friend group feels about OP.

Maybe OP doesn't care how they feel. Not everyone is invested in their old college friend groups and especially not in their spouses's old friends. Especially when those "old friends" aren't part of a couple's life except when one dies.

[Anonymous]

I’m on OPs side. If it were my husband it would be a no for me. Husband is using funeral as an excuse to ditch her with the kids while he goes to party with his college buddies. No where did it say she was welcomed to come. This woman is dead they have been separated for 23 years there is honestly no need for him to go to this funeral. This woman nor his college buddies are active people in their current lives who they see or speak with regularly. He needs to stay home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness, OP, this is a chance for him to see and connect with his college friend group, as he deals (maybe for the first time) with the death of a peer-age person. What don't you get about that?

If he's never before shown an interest in the former GF's life after their breakup, it's understandable that OP might be confused about a sudden desire to fly to a funeral 20+ years later. What don't you get about that?

Why don’t you get the funerals are rarely about the dead person. It’s about the people that are left behind.

+1 It's not about the dead person, it's about the people who are left behind and their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

Honoring the dead is older than humanity. I have no idea what I'd want in DH's shoes (my college GF is my wife, so...), but I would never dream of interfering with my spouse's expression of that universal human impulse.

Do you honor all the dead? Every past best friend who moved away and fell out of touch for years? Every relative in every location? Do tell.

I'm not saying OP should "interfere" if the DH wants to attend, but these lofty posts about honoring the dead leave an impression of noble DCUMers going off to funerals of every long-past lover or friend. Doubtful.

<sigh> The PP said nothing about honoring 'all' dead. I'm nearly 60 and am experiencing more frequently the deaths of people I went to school with. It feels like a wound when I hear about it and different people impact me differently. In OP's DH's place, I'd likely go to the funeral. Yes, the relationship may have ended badly but there was likely enough positive experiences shared with other people attending that it's not just an acknowledgement of the dead but also an opportunity to reconnect with those who were/are important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on OPs side. If it were my husband it would be a no for me. Husband is using funeral as an excuse to ditch her with the kids while he goes to party with his college buddies. No where did it say she was welcomed to come. This woman is dead they have been separated for 23 years there is honestly no need for him to go to this funeral. This woman nor his college buddies are active people in their current lives who they see or speak with regularly. He needs to stay home

Wow, I pity your husband. You decide whether he goes to funerals? The fact that anyone supports OP blows my mind. It is like there are lizard people walking among us.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is none of your business
She's dead. He's not cheating with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

Honoring the dead is older than humanity. I have no idea what I'd want in DH's shoes (my college GF is my wife, so...), but I would never dream of interfering with my spouse's expression of that universal human impulse.

Do you honor all the dead? Every past best friend who moved away and fell out of touch for years? Every relative in every location? Do tell.

I'm not saying OP should "interfere" if the DH wants to attend, but these lofty posts about honoring the dead leave an impression of noble DCUMers going off to funerals of every long-past lover or friend. Doubtful.

What a dumb bit*h.

- np

[Anonymous]

OP- I agree with you! It seems a bit much for him to fly out like that for someone he hasn’t spoke to in over 2o years. Just send flowers and be done w it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it is none of your business
She's dead. He's not cheating with her

I think it's understandable for DH to want to go to the funeral, but it's *some* of her business. This isn't about his choice of cereal for breakfast in the morning. There are logistics and presumably an expenditure of money involved. It involves a past romance. She's not crazy for having opinions and feeling a certain way about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

+1

A lot of knee-jerk overreactions on this thread and a lot of harsh vilifying of OP. I really doubt that most of the PPs insisting she's crazy or jealous would actually go to their college BF's/GF's funeral after so long of zero contact. They just want to ream the OP for daring to think this isn't dreamy and romantic.

Honoring the dead is older than humanity. I have no idea what I'd want in DH's shoes (my college GF is my wife, so...), but I would never dream of interfering with my spouse's expression of that universal human impulse.

Do you honor all the dead? Every past best friend who moved away and fell out of touch for years? Every relative in every location? Do tell.

I'm not saying OP should "interfere" if the DH wants to attend, but these lofty posts about honoring the dead leave an impression of noble DCUMers going off to funerals of every long-past lover or friend. Doubtful.

If the past best friend were part of a larger friend group that, overall, is important to me? THEN YEAH.

Every relative in every location? YEAH. SO I CAN GET TO SEE THE REST OF MY FAMILY.