DH's College GF Died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness, OP, this is a chance for him to see and connect with his college friend group, as he deals (maybe for the first time) with the death of a peer-age person. What don't you get about that?

If he's never before shown an interest in the former GF's life after their breakup, it's understandable that OP might be confused about a sudden desire to fly to a funeral 20+ years later. What don't you get about that?

It’s unnerving when a person of your peer group dies young and of unnatural causes. It’s normal to want to gather and pay respects. What don’t you get about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending flowers would be a nice gesture.

Attending the funeral feels very awkward to me, but apparently a lot of people feel it would be fine. I’m really surprised at these responses to be honest.

You're surprised that people have close-knit college friend groups? OK.

[Anonymous]

OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a car accident at 47. He hadn't spoken with her since she cheated on him, and thus ended their relationship, at 23. She was in Chicago we are in DC. He has kept up with all of his college friends and many of them are going to her funeral. He wants to attend.

Is that weird? She was married with kids.

This feels a.) a bit like he's using her funeral as a reunion, b.) a bit like he cares more than I want him too, and c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids.

I said all this and was told "I didn't understand".

What's going on here?

A) So what? These people were an important part of his life.
B) Wow. You’re jealous of a dead woman?
C) How is it inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

It’s not your call, and, you are crazy to be jealous of or feel threatened by a dead person. We go to funerals to mourn loved ones and also to acknowledge our own mortality, and the preciousness of life. You are being selfish to deny him of that due to petty jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sending flowers would be a nice gesture.

Attending the funeral feels very awkward to me, but apparently a lot of people feel it would be fine. I’m really surprised at these responses to be honest.

Yes for your 90 yo aunt you saw 10 times in your life

[Anonymous]

Jealous much?

[Anonymous]

Op I agree with you it's strange, people grow up and move on with their lives. Sure he should care that she passed in the sense for HER husband and HER kids and a loss of life but it should not affect his life today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's talking about dying young here. What if you die old? Is it then less understandable to attend the funeral of an ex?

Maybe a little. I assume we're still talking about a situation where the people were together when they were in college or as young people. In that case, if the ex dies old, then the other person has also lived to be old. They've been apart and had little or nothing to do with each other for 50-60 years. In my mind, the ex's death is no longer as significant in that scenario. (Even with that being the case, I don't think it would be a big deal if the person went to the funeral. I'd just understand it less.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's super weird that you think it's weird OP.

100%

Omg. Please be sensitive OP. This was someone he was in love with.

He should go and spend time connecting with old friends. It will help him. Back off and be sympathetic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction to this is appalling.

Take a deep breath and course-correct because what you have shown about yourself in this post is not a thing I would want in a spouse and yours might feel the same.

Settle down. I'm one of the people who think it's understandable that DH might want to go to the funeral, but OP's reaction isn't "appalling." You are overreacting to the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are cold. Let him visit and show his respect.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t think twice if it was remotely local. I might think it was a *little* weird if my spouse wanted to attend the far-away funeral of someone with whom he hadn’t spoken in 25 years and never intended to speak to again. But not at all in a jealous way – I wouldn’t do it myself, so that’s my frame of reference.

It does smack a little of a reunion, but so what. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a car accident at 47. He hadn't spoken with her since she cheated on him, and thus ended their relationship, at 23. She was in Chicago we are in DC. He has kept up with all of his college friends and many of them are going to her funeral. He wants to attend.

Is that weird? She was married with kids.

This feels a.) a bit like he's using her funeral as a reunion, b.) a bit like he cares more than I want him too, and c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids.

I said all this and was told "I didn't understand".

What's going on here?

A. Have you never been to a funeral? Funerals are reunions in a way it's part of the process

B. Are you having marital issues because this is just a bizarre take


C. He's not going to be talking about all the times they had sex. That would be inappropriate. He's going as an old friend totally appropriate. And I loved hearing from my parents. Old friends

You can't be real this entire post is delusional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My goodness, OP, this is a chance for him to see and connect with his college friend group, as he deals (maybe for the first time) with the death of a peer-age person. What don't you get about that?

If he's never before shown an interest in the former GF's life after their breakup, it's understandable that OP might be confused about a sudden desire to fly to a funeral 20+ years later. What don't you get about that?

It’s unnerving when a person of your peer group dies young and of unnatural causes. It’s normal to want to gather and pay respects. What don’t you get about that?

I'm surprised at all the posts acting as if it's perfectly normal to go to funerals, at long distances, for people one hasn't seen or even spoken with in decades. Smacks of dashing off hastily because you're suddenly scared by the fact someone your own age died. If the DH wants to go see his college friends and this is a way to do that, and reminisce about the late GF, fine, but all this acting like it's really about "gathering to pay respects" when he didn't have any relationship with her from 23 to 47 is disingenuous.