You just never know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are shocked we are divorcing. Husband going through a textbook midlife crisis and sleeping with younger women. Completely out of character with the successful family man image he had for the last 14 years.

I have a good friend who on the surface could be this man. But the truth is that he's still a good family man even while being extremely successful and prominent in his profession and in the community. He's showing his kids that it's healthy to pursue happiness rather than live in misery. But that's bound up with how the wife treats him. If his wife falls short and doesn't appreciate him then he has every right to pursue that happiness. As he pursues happiness, he will NEVER stop being the most loving father to his kids. He and the Mom don't need to live together to be the best parents possible, and sometimes they need to find happiness apart and live separately in order to parent at their best.

Yes, my friend has wound up with another woman and yes she's 25-30 years younger than him. But he was depressed after being married twenty years to a woman who had declined in so many ways and looked at him as an errand boy to cut down on her SAHM workload raising their two boys. It took the almost divine intervention of such a joyful, captivating and energetic young woman to show him that he DESERVES to be happy and has earned the right to respect for all that he's accomplished and is achieving and earning.

So at face value yes, it's a "midlife crisis". But if you know him, and you know the ex, and you met his GF, you would understand why he needed to cut the cord. He and the kids are so much happier for him doing so.

GMAFB 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are shocked we are divorcing. Husband going through a textbook midlife crisis and sleeping with younger women. Completely out of character with the successful family man image he had for the last 14 years.

I have a good friend who on the surface could be this man. But the truth is that he's still a good family man even while being extremely successful and prominent in his profession and in the community. He's showing his kids that it's healthy to pursue happiness rather than live in misery. But that's bound up with how the wife treats him. If his wife falls short and doesn't appreciate him then he has every right to pursue that happiness. As he pursues happiness, he will NEVER stop being the most loving father to his kids. He and the Mom don't need to live together to be the best parents possible, and sometimes they need to find happiness apart and live separately in order to parent at their best.

Yes, my friend has wound up with another woman and yes she's 25-30 years younger than him. But he was depressed after being married twenty years to a woman who had declined in so many ways and looked at him as an errand boy to cut down on her SAHM workload raising their two boys. It took the almost divine intervention of such a joyful, captivating and energetic young woman to show him that he DESERVES to be happy and has earned the right to respect for all that he's accomplished and is achieving and earning.

So at face value yes, it's a "midlife crisis". But if you know him, and you know the ex, and you met his GF, you would understand why he needed to cut the cord. He and the kids are so much happier for him doing so.

Sounds like a guy who just needs to be worshipped.

[Anonymous]

So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We shocked a few people, and this was after 30+ years. But some weren’t shocked.

Everybody was surprised, except those people who weren't surprised!

[Anonymous]

Coworker seemed to have such a happy marriage. 2 wonderful kids, seemed to be very happy with her husband, 24 years of marriage. Then she started reporting to a new manager who is also married, she got pregnant with him in less than a year. Got divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are shocked we are divorcing. Husband going through a textbook midlife crisis and sleeping with younger women. Completely out of character with the successful family man image he had for the last 14 years.

I have a good friend who on the surface could be this man. But the truth is that he's still a good family man even while being extremely successful and prominent in his profession and in the community. He's showing his kids that it's healthy to pursue happiness rather than live in misery. But that's bound up with how the wife treats him. If his wife falls short and doesn't appreciate him then he has every right to pursue that happiness. As he pursues happiness, he will NEVER stop being the most loving father to his kids. He and the Mom don't need to live together to be the best parents possible, and sometimes they need to find happiness apart and live separately in order to parent at their best.

Yes, my friend has wound up with another woman and yes she's 25-30 years younger than him. But he was depressed after being married twenty years to a woman who had declined in so many ways and looked at him as an errand boy to cut down on her SAHM workload raising their two boys. It took the almost divine intervention of such a joyful, captivating and energetic young woman to show him that he DESERVES to be happy and has earned the right to respect for all that he's accomplished and is achieving and earning.

So at face value yes, it's a "midlife crisis". But if you know him, and you know the ex, and you met his GF, you would understand why he needed to cut the cord. He and the kids are so much happier for him doing so.

This doesn’t really sound like a midlife crisis necessarily unless there are other factors at play that you didn’t mention. At any rate, my DH does not attempt to contact the kids at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

That's not true at all.

He can condemn his behavior without entirely cutting him out of his life as a friend.

Shunning him over this is a bit of an overreaction from someone that isn't personally impacted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

Where did I say I was going to stay friends with him? Calm down man.

I’m still processing the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

That's not true at all.

He can condemn his behavior without entirely cutting him out of his life as a friend.

Shunning him over this is a bit of an overreaction from someone that isn't personally impacted

It most certainly is true that you're endorsing his behavior if you stay friends with him, when he treated the woman he married this way. But an internship a few years from now for your kid at his company has real value. So too does an introduction to his procurement person. As does an endorsement as you apply for a place at his club. So, you know, you quietly "dislike" the behavior and privately wish he wouldn't do that, but you're not going to throw away the friendship because you have too much integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

That's not true at all.

He can condemn his behavior without entirely cutting him out of his life as a friend.

Shunning him over this is a bit of an overreaction from someone that isn't personally impacted

It most certainly is true that you're endorsing his behavior if you stay friends with him, when he treated the woman he married this way. But an internship a few years from now for your kid at his company has real value. So too does an introduction to his procurement person. As does an endorsement as you apply for a place at his club. So, you know, you quietly "dislike" the behavior and privately wish he wouldn't do that, but you're not going to throw away the friendship because you have too much integrity.

Life's just complicated. Our good friends and neighbors are getting divorced after 20 years together. He's a prominent and well-published medical researcher just over 50, and left his wife for his lab assistant out of college. But he's really prominent in his specialty, and our son in college wants to enter that specialty based on looking up to this man and his accomplishments. So we have to accept what happened and understand it's not our place to judge his choices, even if that means the wife won't talk with us anymore. We can't blackball our son before he even takes the MCATs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

That's not true at all.

He can condemn his behavior without entirely cutting him out of his life as a friend.

Shunning him over this is a bit of an overreaction from someone that isn't personally impacted

It most certainly is true that you're endorsing his behavior if you stay friends with him, when he treated the woman he married this way. But an internship a few years from now for your kid at his company has real value. So too does an introduction to his procurement person. As does an endorsement as you apply for a place at his club. So, you know, you quietly "dislike" the behavior and privately wish he wouldn't do that, but you're not going to throw away the friendship because you have too much integrity.

Life's just complicated. Our good friends and neighbors are getting divorced after 20 years together. He's a prominent and well-published medical researcher just over 50, and left his wife for his lab assistant out of college. But he's really prominent in his specialty, and our son in college wants to enter that specialty based on looking up to this man and his accomplishments. So we have to accept what happened and understand it's not our place to judge his choices, even if that means the wife won't talk with us anymore. We can't blackball our son before he even takes the MCATs.

Wow you sound pathetic. How about your son earn his place through studying and hard work?