You just never know

[Anonymous]

OP here. Basically this is the situation. I am a little concerned that saying too much here will risking outing the couple involved, which I really really don’t want to do. But man am I in a pickle.

I worked very closely with the husband for many years and was his superior. I’m over a decade older than him. I don’t need him for anything.

We became very good friends both inside of work and out. I became friends with the wife, too. She’s great. My entire family thinks highly of both of them. I haven’t told them yet and when I do they will be floored. I don’t even know how or what to tell them.

Since I left my job several years ago to retire early the husband has literally been the only former colleague I’ve had anything to do with. I had no interest in remaining in any contact with anyone else. That’s how close we are.

I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage and that he was the perfect husband. I honestly did.

He called about a week ago and said they were having some issues and asked if he could stay at our place for a while. I had to say no because I knew my spouse would feel awkward about it. I suggested we get together and talk things over.

When we got together, he told me that he was originally attracted to his wife because she was a very strong woman, but as the years has gone by she’s become too dependent on him and too clingy and he doesn’t like it. He also said he’s not the same guy he was. He’s gone from struggling to a good amount of professional success (makes in the half a million range) and no longer finds his wife to be his “intellectual equal.” As I said earlier, they’re childless and she’s always worked - but she makes less than 1/3 of what he does.

He then told me that for years he tried to fake it and then starting stepping out and compartmentalizing his adventures because he never thought he’d ever actually leave his wife and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone he hooked up with either. Then he met someone he does have feelings for. She is more than 20 years younger than his wife, who by the way is several years older than him.

So he basically said he sat himself down and said “I love my wife as a person but have zero romantic love for her anymore. Do I want a romantic partner in my future or a roommate? Do I keep pretending to keep appearances up and make her and everyone else happy, or do I try and make myself happy?”

He chose the latter. When he told her, he said, she literally had no clue. She had no idea that anything was even remotely wrong with their marriage. She thought she was married to the nicest guy in the world.

Now he’s asking to lean on me, not only in terms of lending an ear but also in terms of putting him up while he figures out next steps, etc. There are ways I could do that pretty easily, to be honest, and he knows it.

So now I have to make decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Basically this is the situation. I am a little concerned that saying too much here will risking outing the couple involved, which I really really don’t want to do. But man am I in a pickle.

I worked very closely with the husband for many years and was his superior. I’m over a decade older than him. I don’t need him for anything.

We became very good friends both inside of work and out. I became friends with the wife, too. She’s great. My entire family thinks highly of both of them. I haven’t told them yet and when I do they will be floored. I don’t even know how or what to tell them.

Since I left my job several years ago to retire early the husband has literally been the only former colleague I’ve had anything to do with. I had no interest in remaining in any contact with anyone else. That’s how close we are.

I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage and that he was the perfect husband. I honestly did.

He called about a week ago and said they were having some issues and asked if he could stay at our place for a while. I had to say no because I knew my spouse would feel awkward about it. I suggested we get together and talk things over.

When we got together, he told me that he was originally attracted to his wife because she was a very strong woman, but as the years has gone by she’s become too dependent on him and too clingy and he doesn’t like it. He also said he’s not the same guy he was. He’s gone from struggling to a good amount of professional success (makes in the half a million range) and no longer finds his wife to be his “intellectual equal.” As I said earlier, they’re childless and she’s always worked - but she makes less than 1/3 of what he does.

He then told me that for years he tried to fake it and then starting stepping out and compartmentalizing his adventures because he never thought he’d ever actually leave his wife and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone he hooked up with either. Then he met someone he does have feelings for. She is more than 20 years younger than his wife, who by the way is several years older than him.

So he basically said he sat himself down and said “I love my wife as a person but have zero romantic love for her anymore. Do I want a romantic partner in my future or a roommate? Do I keep pretending to keep appearances up and make her and everyone else happy, or do I try and make myself happy?”

He chose the latter. When he told her, he said, she literally had no clue. She had no idea that anything was even remotely wrong with their marriage. She thought she was married to the nicest guy in the world.

Now he’s asking to lean on me, not only in terms of lending an ear but also in terms of putting him up while he figures out next steps, etc. There are ways I could do that pretty easily, to be honest, and he knows it.

So now I have to make decisions.

On whom does the jilted wife lean? Again, what a statement that would be if you said "no", you're not going to endorse his treatment of his wife in any way. Putting him up does exactly that.

He's going to be responsible for giving resources and possibly alimony to the soon-to-be ex. Obviously he and the new woman will want to minimize spending anywhere else since this will be such a hit. Thus the desire to be put up while he figures out next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Basically this is the situation. I am a little concerned that saying too much here will risking outing the couple involved, which I really really don’t want to do. But man am I in a pickle.

I worked very closely with the husband for many years and was his superior. I’m over a decade older than him. I don’t need him for anything.

We became very good friends both inside of work and out. I became friends with the wife, too. She’s great. My entire family thinks highly of both of them. I haven’t told them yet and when I do they will be floored. I don’t even know how or what to tell them.

Since I left my job several years ago to retire early the husband has literally been the only former colleague I’ve had anything to do with. I had no interest in remaining in any contact with anyone else. That’s how close we are.

I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage and that he was the perfect husband. I honestly did.

He called about a week ago and said they were having some issues and asked if he could stay at our place for a while. I had to say no because I knew my spouse would feel awkward about it. I suggested we get together and talk things over.

When we got together, he told me that he was originally attracted to his wife because she was a very strong woman, but as the years has gone by she’s become too dependent on him and too clingy and he doesn’t like it. He also said he’s not the same guy he was. He’s gone from struggling to a good amount of professional success (makes in the half a million range) and no longer finds his wife to be his “intellectual equal.” As I said earlier, they’re childless and she’s always worked - but she makes less than 1/3 of what he does.

He then told me that for years he tried to fake it and then starting stepping out and compartmentalizing his adventures because he never thought he’d ever actually leave his wife and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone he hooked up with either. Then he met someone he does have feelings for. She is more than 20 years younger than his wife, who by the way is several years older than him.

So he basically said he sat himself down and said “I love my wife as a person but have zero romantic love for her anymore. Do I want a romantic partner in my future or a roommate? Do I keep pretending to keep appearances up and make her and everyone else happy, or do I try and make myself happy?”

He chose the latter. When he told her, he said, she literally had no clue. She had no idea that anything was even remotely wrong with their marriage. She thought she was married to the nicest guy in the world.

Now he’s asking to lean on me, not only in terms of lending an ear but also in terms of putting him up while he figures out next steps, etc. There are ways I could do that pretty easily, to be honest, and he knows it.

So now I have to make decisions.

On whom does the jilted wife lean? Again, what a statement that would be if you said "no", you're not going to endorse his treatment of his wife in any way. Putting him up does exactly that.

He's going to be responsible for giving resources and possibly alimony to the soon-to-be ex. Obviously he and the new woman will want to minimize spending anywhere else since this will be such a hit. Thus the desire to be put up while he figures out next steps.

The “jilted wife,” I have to say, has a wide social and family network. Many of whom she has already told and who have kicked him to the curb.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should add that the “new woman” also does quite well professionally and doesn’t need his money.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but if they don't have kids... who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but if they don't have kids... who cares?

Well, she does for one. She’s in her 50s, has been with him for decades, had no clue anything was wrong, and had been assuming they’d be married to the grave.

She also was talking about early retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should add that the “new woman” also does quite well professionally and doesn’t need his money.

Not every relationship is about money but you can't tell anybody's credit score, debt amount or bankruptcy history by their employment status. Many people who are apparently doing well, are bleeding money on lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should add that the “new woman” also does quite well professionally and doesn’t need his money.

Not every relationship is about money but you can't tell anybody's credit score, debt amount or bankruptcy history by their employment status. Many people who are apparently doing well, are bleeding money on lifestyle.

I hear you. But this isn’t a money situation. It really isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but if they don't have kids... who cares?

Well, she does for one. She’s in her 50s, has been with him for decades, had no clue anything was wrong, and had been assuming they’d be married to the grave.

She also was talking about early retirement.

Not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Basically this is the situation. I am a little concerned that saying too much here will risking outing the couple involved, which I really really don’t want to do. But man am I in a pickle.

I worked very closely with the husband for many years and was his superior. I’m over a decade older than him. I don’t need him for anything.

We became very good friends both inside of work and out. I became friends with the wife, too. She’s great. My entire family thinks highly of both of them. I haven’t told them yet and when I do they will be floored. I don’t even know how or what to tell them.

Since I left my job several years ago to retire early the husband has literally been the only former colleague I’ve had anything to do with. I had no interest in remaining in any contact with anyone else. That’s how close we are.

I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage and that he was the perfect husband. I honestly did.

He called about a week ago and said they were having some issues and asked if he could stay at our place for a while. I had to say no because I knew my spouse would feel awkward about it. I suggested we get together and talk things over.

When we got together, he told me that he was originally attracted to his wife because she was a very strong woman, but as the years has gone by she’s become too dependent on him and too clingy and he doesn’t like it. He also said he’s not the same guy he was. He’s gone from struggling to a good amount of professional success (makes in the half a million range) and no longer finds his wife to be his “intellectual equal.” As I said earlier, they’re childless and she’s always worked - but she makes less than 1/3 of what he does.

He then told me that for years he tried to fake it and then starting stepping out and compartmentalizing his adventures because he never thought he’d ever actually leave his wife and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone he hooked up with either. Then he met someone he does have feelings for. She is more than 20 years younger than his wife, who by the way is several years older than him.

So he basically said he sat himself down and said “I love my wife as a person but have zero romantic love for her anymore. Do I want a romantic partner in my future or a roommate? Do I keep pretending to keep appearances up and make her and everyone else happy, or do I try and make myself happy?”

He chose the latter. When he told her, he said, she literally had no clue. She had no idea that anything was even remotely wrong with their marriage. She thought she was married to the nicest guy in the world.

Now he’s asking to lean on me, not only in terms of lending an ear but also in terms of putting him up while he figures out next steps, etc. There are ways I could do that pretty easily, to be honest, and he knows it.

So now I have to make decisions.

On whom does the jilted wife lean? Again, what a statement that would be if you said "no", you're not going to endorse his treatment of his wife in any way. Putting him up does exactly that.

He's going to be responsible for giving resources and possibly alimony to the soon-to-be ex. Obviously he and the new woman will want to minimize spending anywhere else since this will be such a hit. Thus the desire to be put up while he figures out next steps.

The “jilted wife,” I have to say, has a wide social and family network. Many of whom she has already told and who have kicked him to the curb.

Understandably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of mine for the past 15+ years just called me and told me that he and his wife of nearly 20 years have separated and are likely divorcing. I honestly thought they had the perfect marriage. I was completely and totally shocked.

R u female?

Lol. Good catch, OPs crush called to say he’s divorcing and a free agent.

Come and get him Op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

Nice progress OP!

You were the woman receiving his First Call about his impending divorce.

And he sounds so lonely and in need of companionship. Maybe you can help him?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

That's not true at all.

He can condemn his behavior without entirely cutting him out of his life as a friend.

Shunning him over this is a bit of an overreaction from someone that isn't personally impacted

Troll.
Sock puppeting OP troll.
Lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m the OP and thought readers would appreciate an update. I met the husband for dinner and drinks earlier tonight. He told me he’s been “living a lie” for the last five or so years and had been “stepping out” on the wife with various women. He’s recently decided he “has feelings” for one of them - more than 20 years younger than his wife - and decided to come clean.

She had zero idea it was coming and is devastated.

It was a tough dinner.

So, like I said, you never know.

It’s hard to understand how men can knowingly do something so harmful and devastating to the parent of their children.

They don’t have kids.

Then he really didn’t have a reason to not just end it before he cheated. Not that having kids would have made it right, but it is a more complicated situation. He sounds like a loser.

So OP, you're going to stay friends with him because why exactly? He's your longtime friend but told you he's been stepping out and auditioning replacements for five years?

You do understand that if you stay friends with him that you're endorsing his behavior, right? And landing another slap against the wife because, well, the good friend is more fun and/or more prosperous and/or has good business connections and/or I don't want it to be awkward at our next college reunion etc.

It would be quite a show of support for the wife if she were to learn you abandoned your friendship because you condemned his betrayal of her.

Where did I say I was going to stay friends with him? Calm down man.

I’m still processing the news.

2 seconds later more sock puppeting OP!? Restrain yourself!

[Anonymous]

The wife knew.