Parents of 1-2 kids- are you happy or do you regret not having few more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really impressed by the maturity of the argument about having more people at the holiday table. It seems some people watch too much Hallmark TV.

Whatever-that’s just the snapshot way to say a larger extended family=cousins to play with, more help with aging parents, large gatherings/celebrations/events, Sunday dinners, blah blah blah. My kids (2) and their kids will have a completely different experience than I did growing up with a large, local extended family. Even though half of my parents’ siblings moved away, that still left 8 local siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really impressed by the maturity of the argument about having more people at the holiday table. It seems some people watch too much Hallmark TV.

Whatever-that’s just the snapshot way to say a larger extended family=cousins to play with, more help with aging parents, large gatherings/celebrations/events, Sunday dinners, blah blah blah. My kids (2) and their kids will have a completely different experience than I did growing up with a large, local extended family. Even though half of my parents’ siblings moved away, that still left 8 local siblings.

My husband’s extended family is huge and close even though everyone (even the generation above us) only had 2-3 kids each. It can be done.

[Anonymous]

One and happy. Maybe not what we expected, but we have an awesome kid, plus more time and energy and money. I can imagine having another and it being great, but no regrets.

[Anonymous]

One and done. I didn’t want anymore. Best decision ever. 1 is manageable among the 2 of us and I have time for outside hobbies/interests/friends.

Plus financially it’s easier with 1 now and in the future where we can pay for all of college and beyond, help out with 1st place, etc…. We would not be able to do that with 2.

[Anonymous]

When we started trying to have kids, we thought 2-3. Then when we had our second, it just felt like we were complete. No regrets not having a third.

[Anonymous]

Curious how old the people are who say they have no regrets. Things hit a little different when you’re older. I’m 54 and a widow and have some health issues, so the possibility of another child by any means is really gone. I do feel some regret now. I’ve loved a lot of things about being a mom to an only son, but often now I feel like we could have had a fuller family life. More love. I won’t tell him this but I hope all the time my son will have several kids so at least I get to be the grandma to many.

[Anonymous]

I have two, 6years apart. I love the age difference between them
90% of the time and am fascinated by those with multiples in close proximity. I really hoped for 3 and have had 3 miscarriages in the last 3 years. Currently 42yo and Dh is done trying and I have spent the last 6 months trying to get there too. Grateful for the two I have and deeply mourning the hypothetical third. Hoping to get to a place of contentment with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two, 6years apart. I love the age difference between them
90% of the time and am fascinated by those with multiples in close proximity. I really hoped for 3 and have had 3 miscarriages in the last 3 years. Currently 42yo and Dh is done trying and I have spent the last 6 months trying to get there too. Grateful for the two I have and deeply mourning the hypothetical third. Hoping to get to a place of contentment with time.

I’m sorry for your losses and wish you peace with whatever happens. I also have two and would like another but it is not in the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how old the people are who say they have no regrets. Things hit a little different when you’re older. I’m 54 and a widow and have some health issues, so the possibility of another child by any means is really gone. I do feel some regret now. I’ve loved a lot of things about being a mom to an only son, but often now I feel like we could have had a fuller family life. More love. I won’t tell him this but I hope all the time my son will have several kids so at least I get to be the grandma to many.

I'm 55 with an almost 21 yr old only. I sometimes felt I was barely hanging on. Another kid would have completely overwhelmed me. So no regrets sticking with one.

Hope you get your many grandchildren some day!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow three pages and not a single post telling another woman she has the wrong number of children. Must be nice for all of you.

I know you are the angry poster from the 3+ thread and I want to gently suggest that you stop relying on strangers on the internet to validate your life choices. It doesn't matter if anyone here approves of how many kids you have. This area, and thus this board, trends toward women having kids later and therefore having fewer. So it is no surprise that bias exists on this board towards fewer kids.

If you are happy with your family, that is truly all that matters.

I'm actually not that poster but one of the many other moms of three who were insulted on that thread. In fact someone on that thread pointed out that you never hear moms of many telling moms of 1-2 they should have more kids, and this thread proves it. Maybe the lesson here is you should worry about your own families and not start fights with other women because you disapprove of their choices.

Ha, no, you're being selective, OP. I have one and people looooooove to tell parents of one child how they'll be selfish, spoiled, anti-social, lonely weirdos. And how selfish parents are for not giving them the gift of a sibling. This thread hasn't been overrun by that talk, but it takes about five seconds to search the archives for many, many examples.

I haven't seen anything like that. If you have examples I'd love to see them. But all I have is 15 pages of people bashing moms of three and zip in this thread. Perhaps you're projecting your own insecurities, but this just isn't the reality. And I'm an only fwiw.

Let's not ruin this thread, please.

That thread was ruined because moms of 1-2 came in and took it over.

Actually that thread was overrun with unhappy middle children. Yes, a lot of it was middle children who said, "I had two because I was a middle child and it was terrible and I didn't want to do that to my kids." But they were speaking from first hand experience with a family of three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how old the people are who say they have no regrets. Things hit a little different when you’re older. I’m 54 and a widow and have some health issues, so the possibility of another child by any means is really gone. I do feel some regret now. I’ve loved a lot of things about being a mom to an only son, but often now I feel like we could have had a fuller family life. More love. I won’t tell him this but I hope all the time my son will have several kids so at least I get to be the grandma to many.

57. No regrets. Lots of things might have been, but what is is pretty great.

[Anonymous]

I have one amazing 8 year old. We tried for a second for years and eventually threw in the towel. I look at our life full of adventures, spontaneity, restaurants, quiet evenings reading together, and then try imagine a toddler running around like a tornado in the middle of it. It would be our different normal of course, but I can’t help but think we’re all happier and our better selves this way. Life is what it is, and I don’t spend any more of my time wishing for what can’t be.

[Anonymous]

Well I had an abortion because I didn't want a third so...

And I really love having two instead of one. Their particular dynamic is really special.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow three pages and not a single post telling another woman she has the wrong number of children. Must be nice for all of you.

I know you are the angry poster from the 3+ thread and I want to gently suggest that you stop relying on strangers on the internet to validate your life choices. It doesn't matter if anyone here approves of how many kids you have. This area, and thus this board, trends toward women having kids later and therefore having fewer. So it is no surprise that bias exists on this board towards fewer kids.

If you are happy with your family, that is truly all that matters.

I'm actually not that poster but one of the many other moms of three who were insulted on that thread. In fact someone on that thread pointed out that you never hear moms of many telling moms of 1-2 they should have more kids, and this thread proves it. Maybe the lesson here is you should worry about your own families and not start fights with other women because you disapprove of their choices.

Ha! Mom of 1 here. I assure you, of the hundreds of moms who suggested our outright told me to have more kids, many were moms of 3 or more. Moms of onliest receive the harshest judgement by far. Not saying others don't feel judged. But let's be real.

+1. No one bothers moms of 2.

Correction. No one bothers moms of 1 boy and 1 girl.

This was accurate for me. When I told people I had a boy and a girl often I got this sigh of contentment and people said "perfect!" and it was a little weird. People make such a big deal out of gender.

Yup. Parents of onlies get tons of shade, and I've seen it a lot directed at parents of two boys, as well. We have G,B,B and multiple people openly asked why we would have a third, "you already have your girl and your boy!" With the third being a boy, we get plenty of "at least you have ONE girl" comments - often from moms of boys. There's been some real nastiness towards parents of 3+ on this forum, but we are definitely not the only targets.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids and some days it feels like I have 12 kids they are that difficult. I actually felt that my spouse and I could only handle one--the second one wasn't planned. We can't even fathom caring for a pet at this point. My kids are 3 and 10. I have no idea how people have 3 or more kids--maybe their kids are easier?