Parents of 1-2 kids- are you happy or do you regret not having few more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering about this too. I have two boys two years apart and they are very close. Holiday gatherings are totally sad with just the two kids and a bunch of adults...everyone is staunchly childfree. I would love another but my mother thinks this is a ridiculous reason to want an "extra" child (everyone in my family always had two kids until this generation where most people have none.)

I like the "silly aunts dote on kids" dynamic but if you don't, invite some people over! We often had extra holiday guests growing up.

[Anonymous]

Another happy one and done. I feel incredibly blessed to have figured out whats right for me and feel great about raising the 1 amazing human I have.

[Anonymous]

I feel both, frequently. I have two girls ages 15 and 12. When things are tough (someone is having an issue academic/emotional/friend, sports are conflicting, girls are fighting, etc.) I am relieved that we don't have another child or two in the mix because things are hard enough. We also love traveling and travel really well as a group of 4. Also my girls (mostly) get along, and are frequently both with friends or at EC's giving DH and I some wonderful alone time. We don't and never have had any family help.

All of that being said, when things are going smoothly, and as our nest gets closer and closer to emptiness, I do sometimes thing we should have just had one more. It did not feel "doable" to me when the kids were small, but I probably could have handled it when the 2nd one went to Kinder. But at that point we didn't really want to start over. So yeah, I do think about it, and I'm sure when I drop my youngest at college it will hit me hard, but that was going to happen eventually no matter how many I had.

Its so tough, and I truly believe most families could be content in several different scenarios. I could have been okay with an only too. I just wouldn't want to be childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two and love it. I was one of 4 and hated it, it was never enough time or attention for all of us.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one and planned to have more but it didn't happen. Rather than wallow for the rest of my life I have embraced it and I love it! No regrets.

Same here! So many benefits to a small family that we didn't see a few years ago. Life is what you make of it, and our family is the best.

[Anonymous]

I am really envious of you all who can be content with what you have. Sadly I seem to be permanently cursed with always wanting one more child. I have four and really, that should be enough! Part of it is that I really am not looking forward to empty nesting or grandparenting. I love being a mom and having little ones around. And to date, every time we add a kid it adds to the family dynamic. I’m probably too old for another and am still waiting to be overcome by acceptance and zen about that, but so far no sign of it!

[Anonymous]

We have two and it's what we had planned - two as close in age as possible and done (they're 18 months apart but separated by 2 years in school due to birthdays). But second kid is a lot harder than the first so I'll admit there are some times I wonder what it would have been like had we just had an only. But they are best buds and I really hope that they're close when they're older, too.

My marriage wouldn't survive any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LOVE HAVING JUST ONE.

I like that I can give my child the childhood I always dreamed of. I come from a very large family and always, always, always wished I were an only child.

I’m a NP and the OP does not apply to me. I have three and I feel like I’m giving them MY ideal childhood, as I was an only child and incredibly lonely. I longed so much for siblings!

I guess the grass is always greener on the other side 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really envious of you all who can be content with what you have. Sadly I seem to be permanently cursed with always wanting one more child. I have four and really, that should be enough! Part of it is that I really am not looking forward to empty nesting or grandparenting. I love being a mom and having little ones around. And to date, every time we add a kid it adds to the family dynamic. I’m probably too old for another and am still waiting to be overcome by acceptance and zen about that, but so far no sign of it!

Well, kindly, when infertility makes the decision for you, you can either embrace it or live in perpetual grief. You probably won't ever be overcome by acceptance, so you need to put in the work and get yourself there. That's what "we" did, and no, it just doesn't happen naturally without effort on your part. I have way more parenting bandwidth than kid to pour it into, so I'm the scout leader/coach/youth mentor/room parent/sleepover host. And if my child decides not to have their own child(ren), then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[Anonymous]

Have one. He's about to start his third year of college. Happy, no regrets.

[Anonymous]

I have two (and I’m one of three). I’m happy with my two — definitely a conscious decision not to try for more due to financial and emotional constraints — but I’ve always wanted a huge family so I’m a little sad about it too if that makes sense? Like two is the right number for my family but I wish I had the time/energy/money/emotional chill to have like five. But I don’t. So I’ll just hope they both want kids someday and live near me so I can babysit my grandkids. Or maybe I’ll become a foster parent when my bio kids are launched and I’m retired.

[Anonymous]

We have one, which was the plan all along. I admittedly get a little sad sometimes about not having another, but I also feel so confident that it would not have been a good idea for our particular family that I wouldn't say I feel regret. Just a little wistfulness, especially when I see my kid's friends interacting with younger siblings.

The main reason I don't think we could handle more is that we have zero support from extended family (our families are actually sort of a net negative on us in terms of stress and responsibility), which means we have to work extra hard to give our only everything she needs and that we want for her, and I think trying to do that for two kids would extend us beyond our limit. I am so glad I am a mom but I am realistic about how many kids my life was prepared to have in it. One is right for us.

[Anonymous]

Have 2- girl and boy- and it's great. They have their sibling disagreements but I couldn't handle any more. I'm not a baby person either so I never had thoughts of wanting more. I have friends with 3 or 4 kids and their lives seem so much more hectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have 2- girl and boy- and it's great. They have their sibling disagreements but I couldn't handle any more. I'm not a baby person either so I never had thoughts of wanting more. I have friends with 3 or 4 kids and their lives seem so much more hectic.

Agree. The couples have less “couple” time and each parent has less (if any) alone time. Also a lot more divide and conquer where the parents are not physically together, because each is taking a kid somewhere. I know this doesn’t bother many people but I like my alone time and also lots of time with spouse.

[Anonymous]

Ecstatically happy with the one child we have. We wanted one, we have one and have never felt the need for more.