Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

I have two kids who who are in different schools due to magnet programs. Both are in travel sports, both practice 5x week and are in scouts. Plus we are adding Sunday school this year and one kid wants music lessons. I am crazy exhausted too but I enjoy seeing my kids do what they love and I know it’s not forever. I can’t afford daily help but the biweekly housekeeper helps. I don’t think there is a secret sauce. Kids are exhausting but also rewarding. I wfh so I can adjust my schedule and work off hours. We cater food and freeze it in batches, we make the kids do chores, we say no to many volunteering jobs and carpool when we can. I also let things go, if we are just too tired, we won’t go. DH also wfh so we dont really need date nights. I have a master schedule written out and we divide and conquer. Hang in there, your 9th will be driving before you know it. You’re not alone!

[Anonymous]

Anyone here who claims they aren't tired is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm I feel like the responses here aren’t particularly helpful for your situation. Some posters are answering your question - ie spilling their “secrets” - but if their secret is only having one kid, I don’t see how that helps you.

Other PPs are critiquing your day, like the meal stuff, which might be helpful to you, but sometimes life is what it is. If you really can’t get around making 3 meals a night, you know what you have to do - either simplify it enough where it’s not a burden (microwaveable meals, kids make their own meal, whatever) or outsource to a paid person.

I have four kids and am early-mid 40s. I’d say my energy level is where yours is.

Some suggestions -

I am comfortable saying no. Saying no to my kids, to the PTA, to other moms. It sucks to not be able to do “all the things” but I just don’t have the bandwidth.

In the past we have hired college aged folks to help us logistically get kids to and from sports / activities. We also pick sports and activities that are nearby and easy to manage.

I wish we ate better but we don’t. I have stopped worrying if my kid occasionally has cereal or waffles for dinner. I have a picky eater who eats more chicken nuggets than I ever have. The kids go to a school that has a wide variety to healthy lunch options, so I know they do get some healthy stuff in every day.

My kids are younger than yours but they go to bed at 730. That lets me have some “me time” at night, where I can workout or, more realistically, snuggle up with DH and watch a show.

If you are getting home around 530/6 and kids are in bed by 730 — when do you see them?

Here’s a general outline for our family - and please don’t think I’m saying this is “right”, I don’t judge anyone by how much/little time they spend with their kids!

For weekdays -

My husband’s job is typically 8-6, M-F. He works outside the home. Luckily he is an early riser - by 6 AM.

Kids get up around 6 or 630 and leave for school at 8. They get home at 4.

So for my husband, he usually gets his quality time in with the kids early (say 6-645 AM, before they need to get ready for the day) and maybe 1 hour at night.

My schedule is much more erratic. If I’m rested (or need to get stuff done!), I’ll get up at 6 so I have 2 hours with the kids in the AM (some true quality time - cuddling, talking, reading; some of that time is getting ready for the day). Other days I’ll get up at 7 or even 730 (!) and barely give them a kiss before they leave for school.

In general I get 4-730 with the kids but sometimes I have calls, emails, etc. Sometimes I have to work after they go to bed. Sometimes I work a few hours on Saturday morning while my husband does something with the kids.

I’m also the parent who does all the kid appointments, anything school related, etc… so yeah my schedule varies quite a bit!

So you get by on 6 hours a sleep at night? We need 7 so that is what I think my spouse is keying into.

Our teen does cook herself, like make salads and such, and tween is great with eggs. But they are messier than an adult, and not intentionally— they enjoy cooking. But a lot of oversight. Like the time the teen stuck the hand blender motor into a smoothie Without the blade attached (ruined the motor) or they made soup but simmered it away and it caught fire when you opened the lid.

Kids helping takes time to be “less work”

[Anonymous]

1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

Would die for school sport options, but not available for many sports and the ones we tried were cut sports and didn’t make it.

Music is private lesson and orchestra practice — neither can be virtual. We tried combining them sequentially but then you have a teen sitting around for an hour waiting for their sibling which seemed worse (and I was waiting 2 hours). It’s a 15 minute drive so 30 round trip.

How long are peoples practices that they can workout then? Sure I go for walks or run errands, but a 50 minute practice is not enough time to get to gym.

Time is too fragmented with 3 kids. Agreed. But it’s where we are at.

Not really complaining, my spouse just is saying what are we doing wrong that “other family” with three kids seem to have it all happening, have tons of energy, and career success for both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm I feel like the responses here aren’t particularly helpful for your situation. Some posters are answering your question - ie spilling their “secrets” - but if their secret is only having one kid, I don’t see how that helps you.

Other PPs are critiquing your day, like the meal stuff, which might be helpful to you, but sometimes life is what it is. If you really can’t get around making 3 meals a night, you know what you have to do - either simplify it enough where it’s not a burden (microwaveable meals, kids make their own meal, whatever) or outsource to a paid person.

I have four kids and am early-mid 40s. I’d say my energy level is where yours is.

Some suggestions -

I am comfortable saying no. Saying no to my kids, to the PTA, to other moms. It sucks to not be able to do “all the things” but I just don’t have the bandwidth.

In the past we have hired college aged folks to help us logistically get kids to and from sports / activities. We also pick sports and activities that are nearby and easy to manage.

I wish we ate better but we don’t. I have stopped worrying if my kid occasionally has cereal or waffles for dinner. I have a picky eater who eats more chicken nuggets than I ever have. The kids go to a school that has a wide variety to healthy lunch options, so I know they do get some healthy stuff in every day.

My kids are younger than yours but they go to bed at 730. That lets me have some “me time” at night, where I can workout or, more realistically, snuggle up with DH and watch a show.

If you are getting home around 530/6 and kids are in bed by 730 — when do you see them?

Here’s a general outline for our family - and please don’t think I’m saying this is “right”, I don’t judge anyone by how much/little time they spend with their kids!

For weekdays -

My husband’s job is typically 8-6, M-F. He works outside the home. Luckily he is an early riser - by 6 AM.

Kids get up around 6 or 630 and leave for school at 8. They get home at 4.

So for my husband, he usually gets his quality time in with the kids early (say 6-645 AM, before they need to get ready for the day) and maybe 1 hour at night.

My schedule is much more erratic. If I’m rested (or need to get stuff done!), I’ll get up at 6 so I have 2 hours with the kids in the AM (some true quality time - cuddling, talking, reading; some of that time is getting ready for the day). Other days I’ll get up at 7 or even 730 (!) and barely give them a kiss before they leave for school.

In general I get 4-730 with the kids but sometimes I have calls, emails, etc. Sometimes I have to work after they go to bed. Sometimes I work a few hours on Saturday morning while my husband does something with the kids.

I’m also the parent who does all the kid appointments, anything school related, etc… so yeah my schedule varies quite a bit!

So you get by on 6 hours a sleep at night? We need 7 so that is what I think my spouse is keying into.

Our teen does cook herself, like make salads and such, and tween is great with eggs. But they are messier than an adult, and not intentionally— they enjoy cooking. But a lot of oversight. Like the time the teen stuck the hand blender motor into a smoothie Without the blade attached (ruined the motor) or they made soup but simmered it away and it caught fire when you opened the lid.

Kids helping takes time to be “less work”

So true on kids “helping”!

I’d say I get anywhere between 6 and 8 hours each night. DH is usually in bed by 9 so he gets a solid 9 some nights!!

Honestly there are nights when I’ve had to do with a few hours sleep. It is what it is.

Some favorites -

My daughter wanted ME to make her birthday cake. Not store bought, she was very specific (her friends mom is an excellent baker so I think there was some jealousy there). I had zero experience baking / decorating cake and couldn’t even start until like 11
PM due to a full work plate. Stayed up until like 2 am on this darn cake. She was really happy though.

Sometimes when I get behind at work because of kid stuff, I catch up late at night. But, I don’t want to send the emails at 1 AM because I don’t want colleagues thinking I can’t handle it / I’m suffering / whatever. So I’ll draft the emails at 1 AM and then schedule them to be sent at like 730 AM, so I look like I have it all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

Would die for school sport options, but not available for many sports and the ones we tried were cut sports and didn’t make it.

Music is private lesson and orchestra practice — neither can be virtual. We tried combining them sequentially but then you have a teen sitting around for an hour waiting for their sibling which seemed worse (and I was waiting 2 hours). It’s a 15 minute drive so 30 round trip.

How long are peoples practices that they can workout then? Sure I go for walks or run errands, but a 50 minute practice is not enough time to get to gym.

Time is too fragmented with 3 kids. Agreed. But it’s where we are at.

Not really complaining, my spouse just is saying what are we doing wrong that “other family” with three kids seem to have it all happening, have tons of energy, and career success for both parents.

A teen should bring homework and a book and wait for their younger sibling. You are letting weird guilt get in the way. Younger siblings wait for older ones all the time. Does the teen have a phone? Really, problem solved at that point. They have friends to catch up with.

For the 50 minutes, I walk. I’m 49 and have shifted to watching my diet, weight lifting, and getting a ton of steps. You can get a decent number of steps in 50 minutes even if you are just pacing the halls.


If your wife is saying you guys are doing something “wrong,” isn’t that a complaint? A statement that things feel too much? I’ve never met anyone who was satisfied with the status quo who said they were doing things wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone here who claims they aren't tired is lying.

Sorry no. We have two kids and they take the bus to the neighborhood public school. We are not tired.

[Anonymous]

Nanny

[Anonymous]

We don't waste time on travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Why do you never hire a babysitter?

That’s why you’re tired.

-non-tired working mom of 3 with NO SHAME when it comes to outsourcing as much as possible

[Anonymous]

Picky kids make their own food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll post? No sane person has three kids in three different schools and makes three different types of food for every meal. If one of my children were to choose to have a special diet, then we would try to accommodate their diet with sides, and they would be responsible for making anything additional.

+2

I posted without reading the OP but you are doing theeeeeee most for dinner. One meal, period.

[Anonymous]

For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

[Anonymous]

PP - how did you find the biweekly cook?