Furious over Father's Day

[Anonymous]

The best thing I ever did with my dad is learn to accept that he will disappoint me again and again. I've invested my energy other places and I have a beautiful life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are half siblings. We all have the same biological father.

What is your relationship with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask point blank my father why he didn't invite me on the cruise.

Becaese he's going with his family.

She is his family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly what happened?
Your two half siblings paid for a trip for them and their parents (including your dad) to go on a cruise?
Or your dad paid for a cruise for him, wife, their kids, but not you (his oldest kid?).

You think college aged kids paid for a cruise?

…”they aren’t getting them anything but the cruise” - those are OP’s words so it sounds like it?

“they” = their mom

“I was curious as to what my younger siblings got dad for Father's Day and they said we aren't getting him anything besides the cruise“

Tell me you don’t have children who are college students without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are half siblings. We all have the same biological father.

What is your relationship with them?

I ask because it really just seems like your dad is a d!ck. Maybe have a relationship with them and not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are half siblings. We all have the same biological father.

What is your relationship with them?

I ask because it really just seems like your dad is a d!ck. Maybe have a relationship with them and not him.

Yeah, I agree with this. If you want to stay in touch with your half-siblings, fine. Seems like they are stuck in the middle, however, be prepared for them to put zero effort in. But your stepmom and father sound terrible. I don't think I would be as upset about not being included as I would about the fact that it seemed like they wanted to hide it from you.

[Anonymous]

Your dad sucks. You have to accept this and move on. I say this as someone who also has a sucky dad. He remarried at age 70 and spends ridiculous amounts of time and money on his new step kids — who didn’t even grow up with him. But he sucked long before they came along — your dad probably sucked long before stepmom came along.

It is what it is. Decide how much contact you want with him now that you understand exactly who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly what happened?
Your two half siblings paid for a trip for them and their parents (including your dad) to go on a cruise?
Or your dad paid for a cruise for him, wife, their kids, but not you (his oldest kid?).

You think college aged kids paid for a cruise?

…”they aren’t getting them anything but the cruise” - those are OP’s words so it sounds like it?

“they” = their mom

“I was curious as to what my younger siblings got dad for Father's Day and they said we aren't getting him anything besides the cruise“

Tell me you don’t have children who are college students without telling me

Op, this particular sibling is a bit of a smart ass, so I would expect that tone of response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are half siblings. We all have the same biological father.

What is your relationship with them?

We text periodically, mostly initiated by me. My sister may initiate conversations a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

Your family are all jerks, but this is really on your dad. I just can't imagine normal people abandoning their first kids in favor of second kids. Your dad should have stopped this decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.

What is the bold supposed to mean? You’re an adult so now he doesn’t have to be a father to you? Ok so then will he behave as a family member, friend,.. stranger?

Is your biological mom still in the picture? I am guessing there is resentment from your dad to your biological mom that you remind him of. Or a history of your mom/previous marriage that he doesn’t want to be reminded of.

Maybe it’s time to grieve and find another village. I was excluded from a family vacation back to my parents’ homeland - a major trip with 12 hour plane ride that they will never go on again because now they’re too old or whatever - while my 3 sibs, all their kids, my aunt and uncle went. They have photos of that trip around their place, lots of group photos with the fam.

Now that my parents need more support due to medical needs, they turned to me for help. I did for a bit, because I live the closest physically to them. But I was one carrying the load. My sibs were too busy, too far. Etc. It was all on me.

Eventually I said F*** this. I wasn’t relevant as a family member when they took that once in a lifetime vacation but now I am because they need support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is 30 and OP’s dad and stepmom have college aged kids, then stepmom has been part of OP’s life at least since OP was a tween, if not longer. This isn’t dad starting a new family once OP was about to leave home. It’s really hurtful that OP grew up with this stepmom and thinks of stepmom as one of her parents, and yet she’s not treated like one of their children. Did you live with your dad and stepmom at all?

OP, I don’t think you need to be confrontational, but either you swallow this hurt silently or you speak up and advocate for yourself. It’s okay to tell them all that you’re not angry, but very hurt to be excluded from plans for the whole family. That it’s painful that they don’t count you as part of their immediate family. This is something that would be beneficial to work through with a therapist.

I do consider my stepmom to be my second parent(s/n I have a stepfather and I feel the same about him). My mom had full custody, but I'd see my dad on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best thing I ever did with my dad is learn to accept that he will disappoint me again and again. I've invested my energy other places and I have a beautiful life.

+1 It can be hard to let the idea of father go but I think you need to. He's shown you who he is. Believe him and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your family are all jerks, but this is really on your dad. I just can't imagine normal people abandoning their first kids in favor of second kids. Your dad should have stopped this decades ago.

This. I'd take a serious step back from all these people. Focus your time and energy on people who love you back OP.

Just send your Dad a card twice a year and be done with it. Sad but, you cannot control other people and his behavior (and theirs) is hurting you and they do not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP is 30 and OP’s dad and stepmom have college aged kids, then stepmom has been part of OP’s life at least since OP was a tween, if not longer. This isn’t dad starting a new family once OP was about to leave home. It’s really hurtful that OP grew up with this stepmom and thinks of stepmom as one of her parents, and yet she’s not treated like one of their children. Did you live with your dad and stepmom at all?

OP, I don’t think you need to be confrontational, but either you swallow this hurt silently or you speak up and advocate for yourself. It’s okay to tell them all that you’re not angry, but very hurt to be excluded from plans for the whole family. That it’s painful that they don’t count you as part of their immediate family. This is something that would be beneficial to work through with a therapist.

I do consider my stepmom to be my second parent(s/n I have a stepfather and I feel the same about him). My mom had full custody, but I'd see my dad on weekends.

Did they always bring you on their vacations before you graduated from college? It seems like maybe they view you as a part time family member. They’ll invite you for celebratory occasions, but it doesn’t feel weird to them to get together without you because they were together without you most of the time.