Furious over Father's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.

You have your answer, then. And I'd pull back, as well. Keep it civil and polite but no way I'd make any sort of effort if I'm not valued and included. And, ftr, you're not.

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP whose dad makes you pay for restaurant meals while treating your half-siblings? It’s not going to change.

[Anonymous]

They may have figured since you are taking off work and traveling the week after for the grad party that you wouldn’t be able to take off and travel for the week of the cruise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly what happened?
Your two half siblings paid for a trip for them and their parents (including your dad) to go on a cruise?
Or your dad paid for a cruise for him, wife, their kids, but not you (his oldest kid?).

You think college aged kids paid for a cruise?

…”they aren’t getting them anything but the cruise” - those are OP’s words so it sounds like it?

“they” = their mom

“I was curious as to what my younger siblings got dad for Father's Day and they said we aren't getting him anything besides the cruise“

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.

I agree. I wouldn’t attend that either. They have made their feelings plain.

Such a sad situation but agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may have figured since you are taking off work and traveling the week after for the grad party that you wouldn’t be able to take off and travel for the week of the cruise.

This cruise was booked in January. I did not make my travels plans until afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may have figured since you are taking off work and traveling the week after for the grad party that you wouldn’t be able to take off and travel for the week of the cruise.

This cruise was booked in January. I did not make my travels plans until afterwards.

Who paid for the cruise? Does your dad know the guest list?

[Anonymous]

OP, your Dad sucks. Stop making any effort and form your own chosen family.

[Anonymous]

OP, this might sound silly, but what i would do is book a short trip to Europe. If you were ok with taking time off for a cruise - you should be able to do this. You can do that on a budget, there are ways. And good thing about going to Europe is that everything is so close, you can visit 2-3 countries easily in 1 week. It will distract you, i promise you.

Good luck, OP. And I am sorry about your dad and his (!) family, they all suck. Time to pull back.

[Anonymous]

OP keeps posting variations of the same story every few months.

[Anonymous]

OP, this could be a pivotal moment in your personal development—a time to actively work to shed the expectations of your youth and accept the limitations of your family. As a PP said, radical acceptance.

So very hard but worth it. No one should have to worry about looking needy in front of their own family, but that your current position. Your dad and his wife want to have their cake and eat it too. My guess is they want to appear to have a relationship with you for their friends and self-image, but their priorities are elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this might sound silly, but what i would do is book a short trip to Europe. If you were ok with taking time off for a cruise - you should be able to do this. You can do that on a budget, there are ways. And good thing about going to Europe is that everything is so close, you can visit 2-3 countries easily in 1 week. It will distract you, i promise you.

Good luck, OP. And I am sorry about your dad and his (!) family, they all suck. Time to pull back.

This is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

If OP is 30 and OP’s dad and stepmom have college aged kids, then stepmom has been part of OP’s life at least since OP was a tween, if not longer. This isn’t dad starting a new family once OP was about to leave home. It’s really hurtful that OP grew up with this stepmom and thinks of stepmom as one of her parents, and yet she’s not treated like one of their children. Did you live with your dad and stepmom at all?

OP, I don’t think you need to be confrontational, but either you swallow this hurt silently or you speak up and advocate for yourself. It’s okay to tell them all that you’re not angry, but very hurt to be excluded from plans for the whole family. That it’s painful that they don’t count you as part of their immediate family. This is something that would be beneficial to work through with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I would have phoned my father a long time ago about this.

But then my father would probably have told me about this first, and invited me.

Sorry he's such a deadbeat, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s insane that a father is vacationing with all but 1 child no matter their age.

Your dad sucks, your siblings suck, your dads wife sucks.

No Father’s Day gift for you.

I’d call my dad and tell him how rude it was that he left you out.

Phone a friend and do something fun tgat day.

+1. Unless there's been a major falling out that would account for this, it's awful.