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[quote=Anonymous]To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT. 
[/quote]

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