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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT. 
[/quote]

OP here - you are spot on in so many ways.  Our youngest is ASD and it has been enlightening to change the perspective.  So much to unwrap, but I admittedly am just in a mood this week as it is affecting so much. My MIL even complained there were no pictures of my SIL in the program to which my DH responded that he actually cannot think of a single picture of him in uniform with his sister. My DH and I, in other moments, have conversations with MIL about his sister.  I also know that as MIL ages she gets more worried about her daughter and the life that is not there for her; thus the insistence of participating in our life.  I get all of that, and that is why I am just hiding my sutter home and Hershey.

As for those looking for Jodie Sweetin painting, https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc_tSWzp3WR/. [/quote]

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