Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Wow. I’m cooking brunch for my mom and mil and then maybe going on a short hike with kids and dog. Op, this should not be about extracting labor. Deal with the cleaning separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL called my husband again TODAY and said that now my husbands grandmother will be travelling 2+ hours on Mothers Day and that it "might be her last mothers day" and asked my husband again, to go. My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

Grandma is in her 90s. Statistically, there's a decent chance it may indeed be her last Mother's Day.

Your DH isn't going off to play golf, he's going to visit his family. You complain too much.

Op has a valid complaint in that her dh does what he wants when he wants. It sounds like he doesn't listen to her. Op go on strike and maybe take a trip or go to an expensive hotel for the day. Don't do a damn thing.

Like going to see his 90 year old grandmother? Wow such selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Skip the cleaning!! Send a roomba around and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

You are not his mother. Let him spend time with his actual mom on Mother's day

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s giving you what you asked for. He’s giving you family on Mothers Day and taking your child out so you don’t have to cook. And you’re the one with the issue of cleaning. He’s not asking you to do it while he’s gone.

If a few basics is what your two days of doing only what you want is “a few basics”, I don’t understand your definition at all.

As for his mom, FIL is not her child. Mother’s Day is for your husband to celebrate with her. And he’s not doing it on Mothers Day - he reserved that for you.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is bringing the children with him right? It would be a shame for them not to see their great- grand-mother if this might be her last Mother's day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry op, these responses are awful! Posters are berating you for your requests saying cleaning is not a big deal but also how dare you demand he spend the day cleaning (never mind that you've spent your Saturdays cleaning alone). This culture is so harsh on moms. It should be possible for you to ask for your dh to do this for one weekend when he's supposed to help you every weekend. If it were me I would say go but no fishing for the next 6 weeks and he cleans on his own the next 4 Saturdays to make up for this.

It sure is. I am from another culture. There is no way that I would have let my DH, myself and my kid, miss out on being with our relatives and family member. I see myself as the person who is more deliberate about strengthening the family connections. OP, in your shoes - we all would go as a family and think of it as a daytrip. DH and I would make a few casseroles, buy some flowers from costco, and take lots of pictures and then post it on our family group.

However, what about the cleaning of the house? That is important too. I have always had a cleaning service (we are middle class) as a working woman and now as a SAHM, so that is certainly an option. But, if you don't have a cleaning service, you all need to either pitch in on Sunday for an hour or so, or let it slide for a day. It is really not that deep.

I really think that the idea of Mother's Day is a great idea but it is an acknowledgement of your role. It is not that you get to become the queen of the world for that day. Same goes for Father's Day. Same for Valentine's Day. Same for birthdays and wedding anniversaries.

As an adult with some agency, what is preventing you from treating yourself? Get a manicure, a facial, a piece of jewellary etc. It does not have to be on Mother's Day. But you know that, right? It is a made up day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

If you were to accept that’s not going to happen, how could you have a good weekend?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but I assume you are a younger mother with one child. Really, this is your bill to die on? Your DH deserves to be able to enjoy his weekends and go fishing just like you should be able to do whatever you want. Two hour cleaning of the house every week? That’s a problem, get a cleaning service.

I raised twins practically single handedly while being the main bread winner, chief cook and cleaner. I never demanded an entire weekend like you did for Mother’s Day. I took time for myself every week like normal people as did my DH. And his grandma is “only in her 90s”? OP you are an entitled princess.

[Anonymous]

We hired cleaners on Thursday so the house will be clean on Sunday, with no one having to give up a chunk of their weekend time. Get a cleaner, obviously.

I always get exactly what I want, and I’m sure it helps that my expectations are low-key. I want flowers and Chinese food and a bit of time to rest on Sunday. As in on Sunday, you know the actual day of, not all weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

I’m one of the people that thinks the “must deep clean every Saturday” thing is nonsense. But I do think there are some totally legitimate concerns to discuss with her husband.

First, why is it ok for him to go fishing three saturdays in a row? Is he being a jerk? Is OP being a martyr? Does OP actually get plenty of time for herself?

Second, are OP’s cleaning standards ok with husband? Does he think she is over the top on this? Is husband actually a horrific slob which leads to this need to clean?

Third, don’t freaking ask what I want for a holiday and then go do something else!!’ Honestly, that is so jerky. But again, I cannot tell if OP is a martyr that doesn’t say “sorry, that doesn’t work for us this weekend.”

Fourth, is “grandma’s last X” really going to be the standard that determines all holiday plans? That would not be ok with me at all. I definitely think you prioritize time with people that you love that are nearing end of life, but I’m not sacrificing everything for this.

There is a ton here for discussion between OP and husband.

[Anonymous]

I’m a mom of three so I get it but come on it’s a day not a weekend! Hire house cleaners to come in Saturday while you go get a haircut or go shopping ! Spend time together on sunday (which is actually Mother’s Day but make reservations!)
I think you are being dramatic and silly.

My spouse is teaching a class on Sunday so I will take the kids out for a fun splurge lunch. We will celebrate on Saturday by planting some trees and buying some patio furniture. Life is too short to get worked up over this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

We have busy workweek schedules and always designate Saturday to be the "cleaning day", where for the past 3 weeks I have been doing it because my husband has gone out doing things he likes to do: fishing. Well, cleaning day is coming up. My FIL called my husband no short of 4x asking him to come visit him 2+ hours away for mothers day. My husband said no, FIL changed the date to Saturday. My husband said no, again, because he needed to be home to run errands and clean, pick up groceries, etc on Saturday. My FIL called my husband again TODAY and said that now my husbands grandmother will be travelling 2+ hours on Mothers Day and that it "might be her last mothers day" and asked my husband again, to go. My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

So now, my husband gets off work at 6PM tomorrow. Cleaning the house is a big project that usually takes two people. He told me he's going to do it when he gets off work, but chances are he will just say he will do it Sunday morning or something right when I'd like to be getting ready to go out for breakfast. He is planning on being gone all day Saturday with our son, travelling to FIL, leaving at 8AM and coming back at 6PM. So I'll be alone, not spending time with my own family. My husband said I'll "get a day to myself", but that's not what I asked for. I didn't ask to be alone. I asked to just be free of household responsibilities and spend time with my family.

hopefully I'm not the only one that read this whole thing and though "a day ALONE is ALL I asked for"

[Anonymous]

I may have misunderstood, but your family will be with you on Sunday for Mother's Day? And your husband will see his grandmother on Saturday?

Seems ideal to me. All the women are celebrated! For the cleaning, perhaps you can quickly hire a maid service for tomorrow, which you would be entitled to do, as a gift to yourself! Or trust your husband that he will clean on Sunday, while you relax...


I know you're disappointed that you're not getting all that you want, and that what you wanted was entirely reasonable. But it's important that he sees his grandmother, and there are only so many hours in the weekend, OP. Cleaning is less important than seeing his loved ones.