S/O to well mannered kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are the parents buying 10 year olds Starbucks lattes anyway? Dumb

OP DIDN'T offer the kids lattes- she offered hot chocolate! WTF!

Well obviously this kid and the kids of probably many posting here are ordering lattes with mom on the regular

This isn’t about what establishment OP was ordering from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

That’s not the same thing. This isn’t a bunch of kids at OP’s house, and she was making hot chocolate and asked which girl wanted some. She was ordering off an app. Why does she need to specify what specific drink the girls ordered? Why does she care if a girl prefers tea to hot chocolate? Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they aren’t people with individual tastes.

No, what doesn’t matter is where or how it is prepared. The OP offered X, it is shockingly rude to ask for Y.

Of course it matters where and how prepared. If a friend invites me to dinner at their house, I will eat whatever they serve and say thank you. If a friend invites me out to lunch and restaurant and offers to treat, I will order off the restaurant menu, within reason (I'm not going to order surf and turf when my friend is paying), I'm not obligated to get the same thing she orders or to follow her suggestion for what to order. She isn't making the food and the other options are readily available. They are totally different situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

That’s not the same thing. This isn’t a bunch of kids at OP’s house, and she was making hot chocolate and asked which girl wanted some. She was ordering off an app. Why does she need to specify what specific drink the girls ordered? Why does she care if a girl prefers tea to hot chocolate? Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they aren’t people with individual tastes.

No, what doesn’t matter is where or how it is prepared. The OP offered X, it is shockingly rude to ask for Y.

Of course it matters where and how prepared. If a friend invites me to dinner at their house, I will eat whatever they serve and say thank you. If a friend invites me out to lunch and restaurant and offers to treat, I will order off the restaurant menu, within reason (I'm not going to order surf and turf when my friend is paying), I'm not obligated to get the same thing she orders or to follow her suggestion for what to order. She isn't making the food and the other options are readily available. They are totally different situations.

If your friend invited you out to lunch for sandwiches, it would be rude to ask to have a steak instead. She owes you nothing, either accept gracefully or decline and buy your own damn lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

That’s not the same thing. This isn’t a bunch of kids at OP’s house, and she was making hot chocolate and asked which girl wanted some. She was ordering off an app. Why does she need to specify what specific drink the girls ordered? Why does she care if a girl prefers tea to hot chocolate? Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they aren’t people with individual tastes.

No, what doesn’t matter is where or how it is prepared. The OP offered X, it is shockingly rude to ask for Y.

Of course it matters where and how prepared. If a friend invites me to dinner at their house, I will eat whatever they serve and say thank you. If a friend invites me out to lunch and restaurant and offers to treat, I will order off the restaurant menu, within reason (I'm not going to order surf and turf when my friend is paying), I'm not obligated to get the same thing she orders or to follow her suggestion for what to order. She isn't making the food and the other options are readily available. They are totally different situations.

If your friend invited you out to lunch for sandwiches, it would be rude to ask to have a steak instead. She owes you nothing, either accept gracefully or decline and buy your own damn lunch.

Agreed as to the steak, but if my friend offered to by me a sandwich and the restaurant had a slice of quiche on the menu for the same amount and I felt like quiche, it would not be rude for me to say "I think I'll have the quiche instead." Of course she "owes me" nothing, but she is offering to treat me to lunch and all of my friends would be totally fine with me ordering the thing I actually wanted, if it was available and not a huge difference in price, in that situation. Because they have basic social skills and are not control freaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

Agree. No adult would treat another out to lunch and then restrict it to sandwiches - that’s just weird. They would offer to take the girlfriend out to a place that offered things off the menu for that friend to choose from.
This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

That’s not the same thing. This isn’t a bunch of kids at OP’s house, and she was making hot chocolate and asked which girl wanted some. She was ordering off an app. Why does she need to specify what specific drink the girls ordered? Why does she care if a girl prefers tea to hot chocolate? Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they aren’t people with individual tastes.

No, what doesn’t matter is where or how it is prepared. The OP offered X, it is shockingly rude to ask for Y.

Of course it matters where and how prepared. If a friend invites me to dinner at their house, I will eat whatever they serve and say thank you. If a friend invites me out to lunch and restaurant and offers to treat, I will order off the restaurant menu, within reason (I'm not going to order surf and turf when my friend is paying), I'm not obligated to get the same thing she orders or to follow her suggestion for what to order. She isn't making the food and the other options are readily available. They are totally different situations.

If your friend invited you out to lunch for sandwiches, it would be rude to ask to have a steak instead. She owes you nothing, either accept gracefully or decline and buy your own damn lunch.

Agreed as to the steak, but if my friend offered to by me a sandwich and the restaurant had a slice of quiche on the menu for the same amount and I felt like quiche, it would not be rude for me to say "I think I'll have the quiche instead." Of course she "owes me" nothing, but she is offering to treat me to lunch and all of my friends would be totally fine with me ordering the thing I actually wanted, if it was available and not a huge difference in price, in that situation. Because they have basic social skills and are not control freaks.

[Anonymous]

^ Agree

[Anonymous]

I’d be annoyed too, OP, but I think a lot of social nuances are lost on kids. It’s up to adults to gently correct them. If you give kids an inch, they’ll take a mile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed too, OP, but I think a lot of social nuances are lost on kids. It’s up to adults to gently correct them. If you give kids an inch, they’ll take a mile.

That’s way too deep over a drink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this rude? 2 kids have done this recently. Took DD ( 10) and a friend to an activity. Offered to get DD and friend a hot chocolate from Starbucks that I would pre order on the app then just walk over and pick up. First friend said “ if you’re getting it from Starbucks can I have a tai chai latte instead” I said no the offer was for hot chocolate. 2nd kid on different occasion but same activity said “ can I get s baked good as well, I’d really like a croissant” I said sure, then she requested it be double toasted. Both kids were polite for the most part but if you offered my kid a drink of snack she would never request something completely different or an extra item. I feel like it’s rude, but am I wrong? Given that 2 kids did it maybe it’s normal.

I think you were rude to not allow the kid to select a different drink. I find it perplexing that you said no to that but yes to an additional product.

I would say the kid asking for a croissant is kinda "rude" but also nbd. I would have said: we're just doing drinks today, but we'll do that another day.

Can you imagine being with adults and someone saying, I'm treating you guys to brownies! And responding, Oh I really don't like brownies, can I get a vanilla cupcake instead? and them saying, "No. The offer is for brownies."

I don't think you're in a position to assess these kids' manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this rude? 2 kids have done this recently. Took DD ( 10) and a friend to an activity. Offered to get DD and friend a hot chocolate from Starbucks that I would pre order on the app then just walk over and pick up. First friend said “ if you’re getting it from Starbucks can I have a tai chai latte instead” I said no the offer was for hot chocolate. 2nd kid on different occasion but same activity said “ can I get s baked good as well, I’d really like a croissant” I said sure, then she requested it be double toasted. Both kids were polite for the most part but if you offered my kid a drink of snack she would never request something completely different or an extra item. I feel like it’s rude, but am I wrong? Given that 2 kids did it maybe it’s normal.

I think you were rude to not allow the kid to select a different drink. I find it perplexing that you said no to that but yes to an additional product.

I would say the kid asking for a croissant is kinda "rude" but also nbd. I would have said: we're just doing drinks today, but we'll do that another day.

Can you imagine being with adults and someone saying, I'm treating you guys to brownies! And responding, Oh I really don't like brownies, can I get a vanilla cupcake instead? and them saying, "No. The offer is for brownies."

I don't think you're in a position to assess these kids' manners.

NP. I think the adult asking for a vanilla cupcake instead is being kind of rude. If you don’t like brownies, just say “no, thank you!” Then the treating adult might say, “oh, maybe there’s something else you’d prefer?” But to outright ask for it is annoying and presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this rude? 2 kids have done this recently. Took DD ( 10) and a friend to an activity. Offered to get DD and friend a hot chocolate from Starbucks that I would pre order on the app then just walk over and pick up. First friend said “ if you’re getting it from Starbucks can I have a tai chai latte instead” I said no the offer was for hot chocolate. 2nd kid on different occasion but same activity said “ can I get s baked good as well, I’d really like a croissant” I said sure, then she requested it be double toasted. Both kids were polite for the most part but if you offered my kid a drink of snack she would never request something completely different or an extra item. I feel like it’s rude, but am I wrong? Given that 2 kids did it maybe it’s normal.

I think you were rude to not allow the kid to select a different drink. I find it perplexing that you said no to that but yes to an additional product.

I would say the kid asking for a croissant is kinda "rude" but also nbd. I would have said: we're just doing drinks today, but we'll do that another day.

Can you imagine being with adults and someone saying, I'm treating you guys to brownies! And responding, Oh I really don't like brownies, can I get a vanilla cupcake instead? and them saying, "No. The offer is for brownies."

I don't think you're in a position to assess these kids' manners.

NP. I think the adult asking for a vanilla cupcake instead is being kind of rude. If you don’t like brownies, just say “no, thank you!” Then the treating adult might say, “oh, maybe there’s something else you’d prefer?” But to outright ask for it is annoying and presumptuous.

This. Can’t believe all the poor manners around here. And latte guzzling kids.

[Anonymous]

lol. The Starbucks hot chocolate isn’t good. Maybe the girl has had it before and knows. DD hot chocolate is good, but if you’re at Sbux, you need to get a white hot chocolate. Honestly the chai is tastier than all.

OP, I can see why you were surprised. My kids would not be assertive enough to ask for an alternative, but it’s entirely age appropriate. I recently handed out a dessert item at school to a huge group of 11 year olds at school. I was trying to just pass them out quickly, but many kids wanted to request a flavor or trade back the one I handed them for a more preferred flavor. It was a mix of backgrounds (both SES and cultural mix), although the girls were definitely more likely than the boys to speak up/ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This exactly what I teach and what my kids do as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

That’s how I’ve instructed my kids, but other people’s kids do not seem to have received this guidance when they are with me. But I can say yes or no depending on the circumstances. It’s always phrased as a polite question.