S/O to well mannered kids

[Anonymous]

Quick question. If the 10 year old is allergic to chocolate is she still a complete POS for asking for a different drink? Lmk thx.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I do think it’s mean or at least unnecessarily controlling to say in essence “hot chocolate or nothing” when selecting off a Starbucks app.

I don’t. Kids are not entitled to whatever they want when a specific treat is offered.

Interesting that you refuse to respond to my point about OP as the host. I was referring to the controlling adult in this scenario.

Yes, the hostess controls what is offered.

[Anonymous]

Weird one because I think a lot of us were raised to never ask, never speak up, never question, especially as a kid, especially with another adult. So it seems abnormal to us that a kid would but if you really think about the context, the kid wasn’t actually rude. Rude might be more like “Gross! Only losers drink Starbucks. Your mom should buy us better drinks, I don’t want Starbucks.” Saying “could I have a tea instead of a hot chocolate” isn’t objectively rude. And asking for a baked good if you didn’t offer would maybe be a little entitled but if you DID offer, simply asking you to hit a button that said double toasted isn’t rude.

I don’t think the kid actually was rude, and I’ve had my kids host some rude kids. I think this kid just surprised you by being a sentient human and having any sort of request, so even though it’s a reasonable request that didn’t put you out (and it sounds like the kid was fine with you not meeting it), they weren’t being rude. Just voicing a preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every single replay, but I'm with the OP. The way I was raised, the kids were borderline rude and certainly entitled.

My mom taught me that at friends' houses/out with friends, if their parents offered a snack, you could say, Yes please or No thank you. You could not ASK for a snack, and you could not ask for different items than what was offered. I tell my kids the same: you may graciously accept or say no thanks. You are someone's guest. If you want different snack options, talk to me at home when you're not someone's guest.

I may be mean and out of touch, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

This is how I was raised and it's how we have raised our kids.

I do think it’s mean or at least unnecessarily controlling to say in essence “hot chocolate or nothing” when selecting off a Starbucks app.

I don’t. Kids are not entitled to whatever they want when a specific treat is offered.

Interesting that you refuse to respond to my point about OP as the host. I was referring to the controlling adult in this scenario.

Yes, the hostess controls what is offered.

But serious question: what is the big deal with changing a drink. Ask yourself why that request is so especially offensive to you. Because if a mom offered the kids lemonade while playing and one kid said “could I just have water?” I don’t think you’d be having the same reaction, but something about it being a Starbucks drink switch had a lot of you triggered. And both are a single button order, no modifications. You order a hot chocolate as easily as a chai latte. It’s not a customized drink. Why is it so bothersome, really?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

Wow. You’re unhinged.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

Your response is absurdly melodramatic over a simple drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children don’t have opinions on things I give. For example, they wear what I put out, no complaints. They eat what we provide. They don’t ask for things at stores.

So yes, incredibly rude for her to assert herself.

However, we operate as a children should be seen not heard perspective. Children are given too long of a leash today.

Yuck. Take this garbage back to 1955 where it belongs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are the parents buying 10 year olds Starbucks lattes anyway? Dumb

OP DIDN'T offer the kids lattes- she offered hot chocolate! WTF!

Why are you all so controlling? WTF!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

That’s not the same thing. This isn’t a bunch of kids at OP’s house, and she was making hot chocolate and asked which girl wanted some. She was ordering off an app. Why does she need to specify what specific drink the girls ordered? Why does she care if a girl prefers tea to hot chocolate? Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they aren’t people with individual tastes.

No, what doesn’t matter is where or how it is prepared. The OP offered X, it is shockingly rude to ask for Y.

You are SO melodramatic.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We stopped at Starbucks on a trip with a friend’s child. My spouse and I got a black coffee To go and I told the kids they can pick something to drink from the cooler; bottled juice, milk, or soda water. The 9 yr old with us asked for a peppermint mocha instead. Sorry, no. I’m ok saying no to friends’ kids just as I do my own.

This is less rude than OP was to those girls because here you, as the “host”, were offering a selection of three things and were direct up front about it.

No, OP offered one thing and it was very clear. Your spoiled brat just didn’t like it.

Therapy. Get some. Your level of vitriol about a kid and a drink is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped at Starbucks on a trip with a friend’s child. My spouse and I got a black coffee To go and I told the kids they can pick something to drink from the cooler; bottled juice, milk, or soda water. The 9 yr old with us asked for a peppermint mocha instead. Sorry, no. I’m ok saying no to friends’ kids just as I do my own.

This is less rude than OP was to those girls because here you, as the “host”, were offering a selection of three things and were direct up front about it.

No, OP offered one thing and it was very clear. Your spoiled brat just didn’t like it.

Bottled juice, milk or soda water is three things and I don’t know where you are coming from accusing my children of being spoiled. I wasn’t even there.

Your kids sound fat.

You sound insecure.

-parent of multiple thin kids, including one in the 1% of weight for height

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all seem unanimous so I think maybe it’s a cultural thing. Im from a different country originally where kids wouldn’t do this. DD wouldn’t either but probably because of me. To the PP who said “ who takes kids to Starbucks?” I didn’t take them, hence pre ordering on the app. We did a cold weather outside activity then I thought getting s hot chocolate close by would be nice. It’s all in the same area.

It is a UMC with parents that don’t say no thing. My kids wouldn’t do this, but their absolutely have friends that do. I have no problems telling them no.

Then you’re rude. Who only buys hot choc and refuses tea?! How strangely controlling.

It’s rude to say you don’t want hot chocolate, but buy me a latte instead, at 10, or however old these kids are. If a parent asks if you want hot chocolate, it is a yes or no question. If one of the children says no, the polite adult would then ask if there was something else they would like instead. But to presume you can get a latte instead is rude.

This. When you serve birthday cake, you get what you get. You don’t survey everyone to see what they would like, otherwise you’d be having one red velvet cake, and one carrot cake, and one Brooklyn blackout cake. NO! It’s the same when you offer someone something else. It’s a yes or no response. My god, children are so coddled.

Except birthday cake is obviously different from a drink at a coffee place and kids understand that. You can't go to a birthday party and make a specialty cake request -- there is a cake and you can have some or not. But it's not like OP had a carafe of hot chocolate and was offering it to kids and one of them said "no, can you make me a chai latte instead?" THAT would have been rude. But OP was ordering individual drinks via an app. It's really not weird or rude to request an alternative (and similarly priced) drink in that situation. It imposes almost no extra burden on OP at all. I guess she has to scroll through the app for an extra 20 seconds? That doesn't feel like a big deal to me.

Teaching kids to only give yes or no responses to offers does not turn them into independent adults, by the way. It teaches them to be 100% reliant on your judgment and decision-making, because they are not allowed to ask questions. A lot of people who grow up with very militant parents like this struggle in adulthood, where you have to make choices and where the "right" choice is not always clear cut. A kid who (1) has a preference, and (2) can voice it, will be better prepared to navigate a world where there are many choices but not everyone is super accommodating. No one can tell you yes unless you ask in the first place.

Oh yes, and ordering non-fat soy lattes teaches them independence and resiliency! Ha! All you’re teaching your child is to be a basic biotch and a consumer. Great job, mom. A plus parenting.

DP but I’m not taking manners lessons from people who refer to kids as spoiled brats or “biotch.”

That’s okay, a lot of people can’t handle the truth. It hurts.

You are so immature. You sound like a teenager. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - did you have a coupon for a hot chocolate or something? Why couldn’t the guest get a tea instead? I think you’re rude for saying she can only have a hot chocolate.

no coupon. I have hot chocolate saved as a favorite on my app. To try and offer 6 10/11 year old girls varying beverages would have taken forever, they’re not drinks I drink so I know nothing and when I get choices and how many pumps of X I want, do I want extra this or that, if gets overwhelming. Next time I take my kid and a friend or friends to this activity we’ll skip drinks after altogether.

Oh, so you might sprain your thumb scrolling over to the tea?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP I get it. You wanted to get hot chocolate for the kids. You weren't expecting a bunch of spoiled kids who get taken to Starbucks regularly enough that they have their own preferred custom drink. Hot chocolate would be a treat in my house, and my kids would happily accept it without thinking they are entitled to whatever they want from the Starbucks menu.

Who are all these kids drinking Starbucks regularly?

Why? Why was she only wanting to buy hot chocolate rather than hoping to treat the girls to a drink of their choice?

The OP explained later that they had done an outdoor activity and thought it would be nice to get some hot chocolate. She figured that getting it at Starbucks would be the most convenient option. If there was a hot chocolate stand at the activity she probably would have done that. It wasn't about treating the kids to Starbucks but rather treating them to hot chocolate.

If the hot chocolate stand at the activity also sold hot apple cider and the kid asked for that instead, I wonder if OP would have bristled. There is no difference between the two scenarios, but there’s something about the Starbucks part that is triggering.

Nailed it. Mic drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If you don’t want what I generously offer then you get nothing” is narcissistic behavior. If you really wanted to treat your guests and make them happy you would make the change since it took no extra effort on your part. I’m hearing that the gesture was more about your ego than actually wanting to do something nice. That you’re complaining about a basic polite request says something about you, not the child.

OP is quick to label the children rude but doesn’t realize how inhospitable she behaved as a “hostess” while on the outing.

+1,000. But now she’s throwing a tantrum and saying wElL I jUsT wOn’T oFfER aNytHiNg nEXt tImE! So nonexistent “problem” solved, I guess. And OP got the dopamine rush she was looking for, because she found other sanctimonious schoolmarms to call kids names and agree with her, so bonus.