Carolyn Hax - can someone be a good person if they don't love dogs? WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like small, sweet natured, old dogs. They are few and far between. I am a nature lover but I feel that cats and dogs are not good for the environment.

Are f-ing kidding me?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it would make or break the relationship, but someone who doesn't like dogs and I usually don't get along (my experience). This is antidotal to my life - but whenever I meet a cat person, they are usually very different from me.

Not that I don't have cat-people friends. Some of my best friends are cat people.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never been a big fan of dogs—my mom was allergic to everything so we never had one and friends and cousins always had yappy dogs that would jump on us as kids and that freaked me out. So I was a person who didn’t love dogs. But we broke down and got one for the kids 5 years ago and she’s great and I take much more interest in dogs now. But our dog should last until DD goes to college and I doubt we’ll get another one after that.

I kinda feel the same way about kids, mine are great and I like most of their friends, but I don’t want to be around other peoples kids all the time and I don’t ask to hold babies when I meet them either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

I could never be with anyone who says “vibed with.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like small, sweet natured, old dogs. They are few and far between. I am a nature lover but I feel that cats and dogs are not good for the environment.

Are f-ing kidding me?

DP. Which part would they be kidding about?

[Anonymous]

I don’t really like dogs. I don’t want your dog to lick me. I don’t think it’s cute when they jump on me. I do not like having my crotch violated by your dog’s snout.

But I don’t hate dogs. Like they should be trained and fed and loved. But I don’t want to do any of that. At all. Not even a little.

What’s way more annoying than dogs shoving their nose in my crotch is owners who think it’s cute. Train your dog! No them licking my toes is disgusting and I don’t like it. Please call your dog and keep them away from me.

My friends have dogs. I pet them and talk to them. But I also don’t feel any sort of connection to them.

I’ve had pets that I loved. And I never expected anyone else to love my pet the way I did. Bc it was MY pet. Of course I like it more than you.

Why can’t dog owners get this? Your dog is generally not as well behaved as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike when dog hair is on clothing. It looks unkept, but dogs are ok in small doses.

The term is unkempt

[Anonymous]

My aunt has no friends and is obsessed with dogs. Why? Dogs don’t care that she has a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, I'm a DP.

Your answer is kindly meant, but I hope you can step back and with a little objectivity see how the part in bold is basically equating a child with a pet. Do you have children, PP?

Omg, she didn’t say children and pets are the same. But they are both dependent on their parents (or pawrents) and thus occupy a somewhat similar position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, I'm a DP.

Your answer is kindly meant, but I hope you can step back and with a little objectivity see how the part in bold is basically equating a child with a pet. Do you have children, PP?

Omg, she didn’t say children and pets are the same. But they are both dependent on their parents (or pawrents) and thus occupy a somewhat similar position.

DP, and I agree that the PP was not equating children with pets. As to the substance, I disagree. My DH, who is overall a great person and a wonderful father, does not like animals. After 15 years of marriage and three kids together, we made a decision to get a dog for a variety of reasons, but partially because one of our kids was having health issues (we thought that having a dog as a companion would help her through treatment and recovery - and it did!!). My DH made it clear that he would not be the caretaker for the dog; and in fact, he doesn't really engage at all. However, he doesn't actively hate the dog and will admit that even though having a pet would not be his choice, he accepts her because of how much joy and happiness she brings to the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really like dogs. I don’t want your dog to lick me. I don’t think it’s cute when they jump on me. I do not like having my crotch violated by your dog’s snout.

But I don’t hate dogs. Like they should be trained and fed and loved. But I don’t want to do any of that. At all. Not even a little.

What’s way more annoying than dogs shoving their nose in my crotch is owners who think it’s cute. Train your dog! No them licking my toes is disgusting and I don’t like it. Please call your dog and keep them away from me.

My friends have dogs. I pet them and talk to them. But I also don’t feel any sort of connection to them.

I’ve had pets that I loved. And I never expected anyone else to love my pet the way I did. Bc it was MY pet. Of course I like it more than you.

Why can’t dog owners get this? Your dog is generally not as well behaved as you think.

+1 So annoying when owners think it's cute or okay in any way. There are probably far more bad owners than bad dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really like dogs. But I can understand why people like dogs. Why is it so hard for people who do like dogs to not see the other side? It’s not a huge leap to think about the ways in which they are expensive and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really like dogs. But I can understand why people like dogs. Why is it so hard for people who do like dogs to not see the other side? It’s not a huge leap to think about the ways in which they are expensive and annoying.

I like dogs. I don't really understand stand it, but that's your choice. Because of that I would have no interest in dating/ being in a relationship with you. I wouldn't consider you a bad person we just value different things in life.

Now if you told me that you don't like animals of any kind I'm more likely to view that as a flaw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

What's arrogant is making vast, sweeping generalizations about everyone on the planet who doesn't like dogs enough for your approval. As if you personally know exactly how countless strangers think and feel.

I wonder how you'd react if someone were as grossly generalizing about you? "People who are obsessed with dogs are slobs, hate people, and are threatened by the idea of having to deal with humans who might not adore them unconditionally and unquestioningly."

Get the idea? My statements about you are exactly as accurate as yours about me. Which is not at all, since we've never met.

But I have a feeling you think it's just fine for you to create stereotypes of others and bray those portrayals as if they're universal truths, because, after all, you love dogs so it's...OK for you stereotype strangers, I guess?

Yup
You're totally not uptight

Not uptight, just pi$$3d at idiots who think their pronouncements are Universal Gospel Truth. But then, mabye you really do believe that God is just Dog backward, so....

Not doing a great job of discrediting the who psycho stereotype