In tears about my daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a troll, did you ask your kid what they plan to do with a degree in English? Maybe you can brainstorm together. Otherwise, your kid has called your bluff, and both of you must live with the consequences.

FWIW, my DH and I have BA degrees from an Ivy. We are doing fine.

OP here. She told me she wants to “go into publishing” and “get an MFA in creative writing” down the line. While we are full-pay, we CANNOT afford to bankroll her after graduation. I keep telling her that publishing and MFA programs are for rich kids, but she won’t listen!

So your kid who hasn’t finished the first semester of her first year in college shared this elaborate plan for her major and her life just 12 hours ago. Somehow she wasn’t smart enough to keep her mouth shut. And you “keep telling her” about the issues with going into publishing. Was this before or after you were moved to tears in the last 12 hours?

[Anonymous]

You are right about the MFA programs OP, BUT you just wasted a lot of credibility trying to make your dd major in certain subjects or cut her off.

I think it's reasonable to pay for most undergrad degrees, including English, but for parents not to pay for grad school. Tell her you will compromise by paying for whatever major she wants right now, but will not pay for grad school or professional school in any major, no matter what it is. (MFA, Medicine, Law, etc..)

Getting a full pay undergrad degree with no loans is unusual now, so she will be ahead of the game already. And no matter what she wants to do post graduate, she will have to find a way to pay for it. Seems like a good compromise that will make her think.

[Anonymous]

Contrarian view here. Let her major in English but also take a lot of quantitatively oriented courses. Wall Street lives English majors from Ivies with “quant cred”. Ironically she stands a better chance of getting hired by Goldman Sach as an English major who also took and aced linear algebra, differential equations, and quantum physics. This kind polymath is the best type of hire from perspective of GS, Google, Microsoft, et al. OP, let her major in English and hedge her bets with quant stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a troll, did you ask your kid what they plan to do with a degree in English? Maybe you can brainstorm together. Otherwise, your kid has called your bluff, and both of you must live with the consequences.

FWIW, my DH and I have BA degrees from an Ivy. We are doing fine.

OP here. She told me she wants to “go into publishing” and “get an MFA in creative writing” down the line. While we are full-pay, we CANNOT afford to bankroll her after graduation. I keep telling her that publishing and MFA programs are for rich kids, but she won’t listen!

Dp. But you are willing to bankroll her unemployment if she wants to be a lawyer? If you’re not a troll, you’re an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contrarian view here. Let her major in English but also take a lot of quantitatively oriented courses. Wall Street lives English majors from Ivies with “quant cred”. Ironically she stands a better chance of getting hired by Goldman Sach as an English major who also took and aced linear algebra, differential equations, and quantum physics. This kind polymath is the best type of hire from perspective of GS, Google, Microsoft, et al. OP, let her major in English and hedge her bets with quant stuff.

OP here. Not true — the vast majority of finance/consulting hires from her school are in Econ or other quant majors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will set her up for life is agency, not a certain degree or amount of money. Go read The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine.

OP here. That’s bullshit. Am employable major with a fantastic alumni network (yes, PP was correct she’s at Princeton, which has a phenomenal alumni network) is WAY more likely to set her up for success than “agency.”

I also speak from personal experience. DH went to WM and graduated as a History major with a lot of on-campus involvement. Because of his major, he wasn’t able to find a job after graduation. He bartender for a while and eventually went to law school — the only real option for humanities majors.

So I’m speaking from personal experience.

You’re bullshit telling your DD what she can and can’t do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right about the MFA programs OP, BUT you just wasted a lot of credibility trying to make your dd major in certain subjects or cut her off.

I think it's reasonable to pay for most undergrad degrees, including English, but for parents not to pay for grad school. Tell her you will compromise by paying for whatever major she wants right now, but will not pay for grad school or professional school in any major, no matter what it is. (MFA, Medicine, Law, etc..)

Getting a full pay undergrad degree with no loans is unusual now, so she will be ahead of the game already. And no matter what she wants to do post graduate, she will have to find a way to pay for it. Seems like a good compromise that will make her think.

OP here. We have already told her that we won’t be paying for grad school (we told her this in HS) and won’t be bankrolling her after graduation.

[Anonymous]

I am the poster who noted that Princeton University was most likely the school under discussion. I believe OP.

An interesting article shows the serious decline in those majoring in English or history from 2012 to 2020:

https://hechingerreport.org/proof-points-the-number-of-college-graduates-in-the-humanities-drops-for-the-eighth-consecutive-year/

FWIW Investment banking firms and consulting firms do hire Princeton English majors. Your daughter could work for a few years after earning a Princeton degree then attend a top MBA program to further enhance her future in the world of business (if your daughter wants to pursue such a career).

[Anonymous]

As a gainfully employed English major, I think you're ridiculous. Hope you're just a bad troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right about the MFA programs OP, BUT you just wasted a lot of credibility trying to make your dd major in certain subjects or cut her off.

I think it's reasonable to pay for most undergrad degrees, including English, but for parents not to pay for grad school. Tell her you will compromise by paying for whatever major she wants right now, but will not pay for grad school or professional school in any major, no matter what it is. (MFA, Medicine, Law, etc..)

Getting a full pay undergrad degree with no loans is unusual now, so she will be ahead of the game already. And no matter what she wants to do post graduate, she will have to find a way to pay for it. Seems like a good compromise that will make her think.

OP here. We have already told her that we won’t be paying for grad school (we told her this in HS) and won’t be bankrolling her after graduation.

What grades is she earning to date? Does she master stem subjects or humanities subjects more easily?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a troll, did you ask your kid what they plan to do with a degree in English? Maybe you can brainstorm together. Otherwise, your kid has called your bluff, and both of you must live with the consequences.

FWIW, my DH and I have BA degrees from an Ivy. We are doing fine.

OP here. She told me she wants to “go into publishing” and “get an MFA in creative writing” down the line. While we are full-pay, we CANNOT afford to bankroll her after graduation. I keep telling her that publishing and MFA programs are for rich kids, but she won’t listen!

So your kid who hasn’t finished the first semester of her first year in college shared this elaborate plan for her major and her life just 12 hours ago. Somehow she wasn’t smart enough to keep her mouth shut. And you “keep telling her” about the issues with going into publishing. Was this before or after you were moved to tears in the last 12 hours?

+1 not only a troll but a bad one at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom made threats to cut my tuition off if I quit being pre med. I wasn't happy in the classes and volunteering at the hospital made me miserable. I did finish the minimum requirements.

I finally had a long talk with my Dad (who is himself a doctor) and he promised I wouldn't be cut off. I don't know what went down between them. I went to law school (which I paid for through loans, I also paid for as much of my college as I could) despite my mom's freakout and am much happier and successful. My Dad understood medicine wasn't for me.

And also, I barely spoke to my mom for almost 10 years. I realized a lot of our interactions in high school and similar weren't healthy either. She hated when I quit band to do theater, for instance.

Sounds like you’re the type of whiny brat to blame your parents for every misgiving. GUESS WHAY — if they’re paying for your tuition, they can dictate your major.

So because I didn't let my mom pick my whole career, I'm whiny?

When I did try to talk to my mom in law school she tried to dictate what kind of law she thought I should practice, even though she wasn't paying.

And again, my Dad is the one who got my mom to back off. He was the one actually paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right about the MFA programs OP, BUT you just wasted a lot of credibility trying to make your dd major in certain subjects or cut her off.

I think it's reasonable to pay for most undergrad degrees, including English, but for parents not to pay for grad school. Tell her you will compromise by paying for whatever major she wants right now, but will not pay for grad school or professional school in any major, no matter what it is. (MFA, Medicine, Law, etc..)

Getting a full pay undergrad degree with no loans is unusual now, so she will be ahead of the game already. And no matter what she wants to do post graduate, she will have to find a way to pay for it. Seems like a good compromise that will make her think.

OP here. We have already told her that we won’t be paying for grad school (we told her this in HS) and won’t be bankrolling her after graduation.

What grades is she earning to date? Does she master stem subjects or humanities subjects more easily?

She is a freshman so no grades. In HS she was better at humanities, but I attribute that to grade inflation more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a troll, did you ask your kid what they plan to do with a degree in English? Maybe you can brainstorm together. Otherwise, your kid has called your bluff, and both of you must live with the consequences.

FWIW, my DH and I have BA degrees from an Ivy. We are doing fine.

OP here. She told me she wants to “go into publishing” and “get an MFA in creative writing” down the line. While we are full-pay, we CANNOT afford to bankroll her after graduation. I keep telling her that publishing and MFA programs are for rich kids, but she won’t listen!

So your kid who hasn’t finished the first semester of her first year in college shared this elaborate plan for her major and her life just 12 hours ago. Somehow she wasn’t smart enough to keep her mouth shut. And you “keep telling her” about the issues with going into publishing. Was this before or after you were moved to tears in the last 12 hours?

+1 not only a troll but a bad one at that.

The tell-tale sign of a troll is that OP is responding to many of the posts. Most people who are in despair are so distressed that they vent, but can’t possibly respond to people’s opinions. OP is in this to kick things up. Poke around at people. Get people fired up! A real parent in this predicament is worried and suffering (even if it’s irrational)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will set her up for life is agency, not a certain degree or amount of money. Go read The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine.

OP here. That’s bullshit. Am employable major with a fantastic alumni network (yes, PP was correct she’s at Princeton, which has a phenomenal alumni network) is WAY more likely to set her up for success than “agency.”

I also speak from personal experience. DH went to WM and graduated as a History major with a lot of on-campus involvement. Because of his major, he wasn’t able to find a job after graduation. He bartender for a while and eventually went to law school — the only real option for humanities majors.

So I’m speaking from personal experience.

Sure, you might be mathematically correct if your definition of set up for life is purely income and net worth and prestigious career. I don't necessarily agree, but stipulate that it's true only certain degrees and schools will get her there. If she's feeling and saying what you've reported, the price for her to get to the $$$ job might be depression and emptiness and never feeling like she measures up, plus rejecting you (see stories from the teacher PP). That's what the book talks about.

My definition of success in life is much closer to agency than $$$ career. Finances are much easier to fix with agency than emptiness is with no agency. That's if finances even need fixing, people with low-paying jobs have worth also, and a lot of them are very happy.