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In tears about my daughter
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Anonymous
you are, you are trolling your own kid. what crazy demands you have. I would love having a kid who has a passion and knows that being happy is much more important than having a degree form an ivy so my self-centered parents can tell everyone. |
Anonymous
| What’s wrong with an English major?? You are ridiculous, OP. |
Anonymous
Truly. English major here - making $250k in a job I absolutely love. English major doesn’t mean skulking around in thread-bare tweed jackets making poverty wages. |
Anonymous
But it does mean she’ll casually use words like “skulking.” 
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Anonymous
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The only thing that tells red flags to me here is OP’s hysterical response to her daughters choice.
OP, you set your parameters and now your daughter, who is budding into adulthood, has set hers. Maybe you don’t like them. Maybe they upset you, make you feel disappointed, surprised etc… but to be in tears and dig your heels in this much? It isn’t logical so I agree with those who say therapy. Your daughter will ultimately need to forge her own life path. Although I get what you are saying about focusing on a major that increases your chances of getting a higher paying, stable job, it doesn’t have guarantees. I know kids who did the Econ and finance route only to drop out of the field at 30 and pursue something else. I say kudos to your daughter for having a voice. Lay out your fears and thoughts to your daughter and then let her decide. Life is full of natural consequences and she will make her way. You owe her your wisdom and that’s it. You cannot control her. |
Anonymous
| NP. Here is my two cents in case OP is still following. If your daughter is ambitious in English (and apparently she is) let her follow her dreams. There are countless examples of people being very successful, famous (and probably happy) when they are ambitious in what they do. Interestingly, what they do, does not seem to matter. But the level of ambition matters. Because only then they can set themselves apart easily. They will naturally climb to the top because they love what they do. |
Anonymous
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A note about the English major. It attracts people whose analytical skills manifest a certain way. Ability to make connections, explore nuances and develop interesting and persuasive narratives. If a student is the right fit for this major, college becomes a joy. It’s like you’ve found your people. These skills also help tremendously for law school. If your DD does well with the English major (because she loves it) and law school (because she loves it) then she can work at a firm for a few years then see what she wants to do with that law degree. She doesn’t have to go into or stay at Big Law. I’m in house at a Fortune 500 and love my job, and it pays very well.
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Anonymous
OP was clear that they don't want their DD going to law school plus they feel she'd be ill suited for law. But as we've seen, OP does not seem to know her own chiild well, so who knows. Maybe it'll be law. Or maybe it'll be teaching English somewhere. That would blow OP's narrow mind. |
Anonymous
Overall good advice, however, you and OP both should bear in mind that "the top" means different things to different people, as does "ambition." If the DD's idea of a good career and good life is something that's not uber-profitable in terms of money or prestige, that's the DD's choice. I can picture the OP saying, "Well, fine, go into English but if you're not a Nobel Prize-winning author or the most lauded, coveted and highly paid teacher in the country, what was the point?" OP doesn't get the idea of doing a thing because you love it and are good at it and can make a decent living at it; outside validation and money are the yardsticks for parents like this. |
Anonymous
You can go to NovaCoCo for that. Much cheaper and equally employable. |
Anonymous
You really cannot. For a position in publishing, she will need the connections that being at a top school will provide. How do you not know this? |
Anonymous
| Goodness I wish I had your “problem”. A kid at an Ivy League school who has a passion for something? |
Anonymous
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I'm not going to bother to read this entire thread.
You have lost this battle and given your child is successful at a very good school, you probably shouldn't have started the battle to start. I suspect you want to "save face". If so, why not require her to take out some loans each year to have some skin in the game. (Not what I would do....but I'm meeting you where you are) |
Anonymous
OP here. Don't care at all about saving face -- just about my DD's livelihood. Having her take out the FAFSA maximum (IIRC it's $30k for all four years, so not a lot) is an excellent idea. I will tell her tonight. |
Anonymous
For OP it’s an investment, though. And her daughter isn’t performing. |