What's Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

You are missing the point. If men can't be the bread winner, they need to do 50% of the work at home. Men need to learn how to clean, do laundry, care for children, on and on. That's where raising capable men comes in. Women and men can't both work and then at home only the wife does any work.

Women only count the work they do. They don’t count fixing things around the house or any of the stuff outside of the house. They don’t count fixing the car we’re dealing with insurance we’re paying the bills.

And when men do try to help women micromanage them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

That seems like a fair ask. I’m a woman and fix things in the house and do outside work and everything else on your list. My DH thinks mowing the lawn and doing gutters 2x/year means he can half heartedly clean the kitchen on his night.

That’s the problem. Men have been conditioned and babied and catered to for so long that they see 50% as “everything”, and are so hurt that a few outdoor chores don’t excuse them from everything else that they throw a tantrum about it online.

That is why we don’t need men.

[Anonymous]

Men have become worse, more women are turning lesbian/bi in response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

Agreed but if everything has to be redone or there is an argument about everything or a lie or something physically hurtful as a result then at least you only have the to do list as your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

And that's better than doing 100% or 90% of the household burdens with a man around adding to it, and being generally difficult, entitled, and draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

So women expect men... to do half the work and do the other half themselves? LOL!!! And men think this is unfair?!

Congratulations, you just revealed how incredibly entitled men are. Thats exactly why women are leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

Agreed but if everything has to be redone or there is an argument about everything or a lie or something physically hurtful as a result then at least you only have the to do list as your work.

Some of these men are creating more work beyond the to do list which takes more effort than the work they do. Same for dysfunctional women.

[Anonymous]

An example related to the countertops. My ex would never wipe countertops. Most of the time I could get to it but a couple of times he used them and just let something sit and it stained the countertop permanently. This is creating more work.

[Anonymous]

Or when he liee about where he was and it took the entire night to track him down. I could go on and on with examples of how the man created to do lists that didn't exist without him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Boys need to spend less time playing video games and more time engaging in in-person extracurricular activities other than sports. Boys with no social skills grow into stunted Peter Pan men with no social skills.

I understand what you're saying but I think it's more nuanced and that after having raised boys, understanding that video games can actually lead to social IRL interactions with the guidance and help of their parent/caregiver.

For instance, I made sure to sign up my kids for sports that they were interested in, but also use video games as a way of connecting in real life such as conferences, game tournaments (in person) and being involved with other kids with the same interests - oftentimes video games. I also encouraged other community behaviors such as signing up for crossing-guard to instill a sense of community and what that means and understanding the importance of others and your impact in the world - at their age and level of engagement. It really does take a village. The "evil" of the internet or smartphones can be managed in a way to allow them to grow but also taking in the practical world in which we live today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Boys need to spend less time playing video games and more time engaging in in-person extracurricular activities other than sports. Boys with no social skills grow into stunted Peter Pan men with no social skills.

I understand what you're saying but I think it's more nuanced and that after having raised boys, understanding that video games can actually lead to social IRL interactions with the guidance and help of their parent/caregiver.

For instance, I made sure to sign up my kids for sports that they were interested in, but also use video games as a way of connecting in real life such as conferences, game tournaments (in person) and being involved with other kids with the same interests - oftentimes video games. I also encouraged other community behaviors such as signing up for crossing-guard to instill a sense of community and what that means and understanding the importance of others and your impact in the world - at their age and level of engagement. It really does take a village. The "evil" of the internet or smartphones can be managed in a way to allow them to grow but also taking in the practical world in which we live today.

It needs to be managed. Too much online time is not good. It should be way less than kids are actually seeing in the real world. At least when they talk to each other they are actually talking in real time to real people. The more real the interaction the better.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

I've been both married and a single mom. Being a single mom is WAY easier because you don't have to also care for an adult male, clean up his messes, clean his stuff, cook for him, etc. I also moved to a much smaller place, so less cleaning and more money.

There's just fewer chores overall. And you're not managing someone - xH would "handle dinner", but I had to micromanage and make sure he found a recipe, got the groceries, started cooking on time, etc or else he would just shrug his shoulders and say "we don't have anything to cook, oh well!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men have become worse, more women are turning lesbian/bi in response.

That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.