What's Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men

[Anonymous]

Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

[Anonymous]

I think Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" had it right -- decline of social ties/institutions -- topped off with a little social media addiction, dependence on screens and pandemic isolation.

I'm not a church person at all, but churches/synagogues/etc. filled a void in people's lives in prior generations. Social media is filling it now. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Boys need to spend less time playing video games and more time engaging in in-person extracurricular activities other than sports. Boys with no social skills grow into stunted Peter Pan men with no social skills.

[Anonymous]

Women no longer need a man to provide for them to have an ok life. So they have a choice and choose those who are emotionally available and kind and responsible with $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Get off the screens and start living a real life and somehow get over the fear of failure and needing to win at everything even if it's winning at not having to clean up your room.

[Anonymous]

There isn't as much societal pressure for women to marry young now. Because education and access to better paying jobs are more available to women now, there isn't a need to have a breadwinner to provide for you, and if you are looking for a breadwinner the decline of male dominated professions like manufacturing means that fewer men actually are bread winners.

I think this is great for women, but I also come back to something that I heard on the topic to the effect that a large group of board young men who feel detached from and abandoned by society is historically a very dangerous thing.

[Anonymous]

What's behind it? Women have $$$$ now. Women used to have to get married in order to live, in order to have their bills paid, except for some rich heiresses.

Now women not only can earn money, but young, unmarried, childless women are doing much better academically and financially than men.

The main reason to put up with men, who are often more difficult than women (this is a fact, when studies are done about the personality factor of "disagreeableness" men score much higher than women), was money. Now that reason is totally gone so what's the point.

Most women would rather be single, have a hookup situation with a hot guy once in a while, and live life on their own terms then put up with an unattractive, unhelpful guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

And these men are all raised entirely by women, and oftentimes women who have come to the very same conclusion about their own husbands. These unlucky souls end up getting used for their genetic material, and then the woman dumps him and, freed from the shackles of the loser she procreated with, raises another generation of losers. The vicious cycle is perpetuated ad infinitum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There isn't as much societal pressure for women to marry young now. Because education and access to better paying jobs are more available to women now, there isn't a need to have a breadwinner to provide for you, and if you are looking for a breadwinner the decline of male dominated professions like manufacturing means that fewer men actually are bread winners.

I think this is great for women, but I also come back to something that I heard on the topic to the effect that a large group of board young men who feel detached from and abandoned by society is historically a very dangerous thing.

I agree but if men just want to be cowboys and go against society like in fight club thinking that it's better to be a libertarian red piller than living in civilized reality, I'm not exactly sure what women can do. Eventually, they will blow themselves up like Russia is doing right now and that is a traditional society. Men just like to blow things up it seems.

I think the US is fundamentally flawed in the idea that the individual is stronger than the collective. Obviously, the reverse is also terrible but I would also say this capitalistic governmental framework is also problematic without religion or anything else to bind us together.

[Anonymous]

Electronics can be used for good and bad and it seems both women and men are equally better at using it for bad than for good.

[Anonymous]

And now it all clicks of why men wanted women to stay subordinated for so long. Because when women have a choice we don't want them! 🤣

[Anonymous]

Obesity also a huge issue among both sexes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There isn't as much societal pressure for women to marry young now. Because education and access to better paying jobs are more available to women now, there isn't a need to have a breadwinner to provide for you, and if you are looking for a breadwinner the decline of male dominated professions like manufacturing means that fewer men actually are bread winners.

I think this is great for women, but I also come back to something that I heard on the topic to the effect that a large group of board young men who feel detached from and abandoned by society is historically a very dangerous thing.

This is exactly it. I am a man, so I am definitely sensitive to the male-bashing "man-baby" garbage spewed on here. That said, the combined effect of female independence (a good thing!) with the downturn of male breadwinning jobs (a bad thing) is a killer. Men derive a lot of their sense of value and worth by being able to take care of a family and the loss of that is devastating.

Add in that men have less social ties. And society at large is growing more isolated (see the Bowling Alone comment, also accurate).

A lonely, single man with no family ties is a dangerous phenomenon. Lonely, single women are also a problem but not a violent one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There isn't as much societal pressure for women to marry young now. Because education and access to better paying jobs are more available to women now, there isn't a need to have a breadwinner to provide for you, and if you are looking for a breadwinner the decline of male dominated professions like manufacturing means that fewer men actually are bread winners.

I think this is great for women, but I also come back to something that I heard on the topic to the effect that a large group of board young men who feel detached from and abandoned by society is historically a very dangerous thing.

I agree, but let's not overstate the historical marital rates. It was pretty common in much of American history for there to be a lot of unmarried me (except in times following large wars). Sometimes because they lived in rough terrain where there weren't a lot of women (early colonizers, westward expansion); sometimes because they were economically disadvantaged and could not afford to support a wife/family (common in many immigrant families where one or more sons would live with the parents until their death, caring for them and pooling economic resources); and sometimes because, with the high rates of maternal mortality, many men with means went through more than one wife (e.g., first wife dies in childbirth, you need a new wife to replace her and raise the kid so you marry again pretty quickly).
Looking at my own family history from the 19th century, it was very common for there to be 8-10 kids per family, and for only a couple of those to marry. (Of course, some died before adulthood, but some simply never married, in large part due to economic insecurity, although maybe some were also gay.)

I think part of the problem now is that everyone feels entitled to the American dream -- wife, kids, house. And with the way today's society is set up, it's very lonely if you don't have that. There just isn't as much community built around other things (work, church, joint endeavors like barn raising or quilting or whatever).