What's Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men

[Anonymous]

As the father of two teenage boys, I'm nervous about their future. Back when I met my wife everybody had flip phones and you had to go meet up in person. My sons were showing some encouraging signs but then Covid hit. Now they and their friends just hang out online all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

You are missing the point. If men can't be the bread winner, they need to do 50% of the work at home. Men need to learn how to clean, do laundry, care for children, on and on. That's where raising capable men comes in. Women and men can't both work and then at home only the wife does any work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men exploited their power over women for centuries and now you see a backlash. Today's men aren't to blame for it, but unfortunately that's just how it goes. No one wants to deal with their bullshit anymore. I was a landlord for a while and only rented to women. I try to work with women and I basically only deal with my DH and my brother as far as straight men go. I am just at a point in my life where I don't have to listen to their yammering anymore in general so I limit my contact to good ones who I trust. Sorry not sorry.

And you're seeing a male backlash too. A lot of what is driving MAGA is an explicit appeal to young angry men. We've reached the point where sex is a great predictor of voting, that never used to be true.

It's funny that the female backlash is to avoid men, and the male backlash is to take away women's rights.

Like you said, the female backlash is to avoid men, the male backlash is try to get hold of women by suppressing them and forcing them back into subordination. Online, I've seen men of all kinds of political backgrounds say that we should make western women wear hijabs and basically saying that women should have our rights taken away. All so they can force us back into relationships with them. It's so dysfunctional.

I think what actually happened is some of these men went overseas to Arab countries and saw that the religion was super male centered and promised virgins for men and saw that women could be subjugated so sternly and said hey great idea. Lets do that here, but don't forget I still want to live in an American dream house and community and not like the Arabs. They don't get that America is the way it is because women have more freedom or they do but they want it to be less civilized so they can terrorize more people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the father of two teenage boys, I'm nervous about their future. Back when I met my wife everybody had flip phones and you had to go meet up in person. My sons were showing some encouraging signs but then Covid hit. Now they and their friends just hang out online all the time.

Get a grip and get an online monitoring system that turns off their use after an hour or so. Turn off computers by 10 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really fascinating article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men

What do people think about this? It concerns me that so many men are so unhappy with their romantic lives, wanting a relationship but unable to have one, considering the destabilizing effect unpartnered young men can have on society.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Men can to learn to get emotionally closer to their birth family, be open to match making suggestions and join hobbies where they can meet eligible(type you like and fits well in your idea of life and future) friends and romantic partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the father of two teenage boys, I'm nervous about their future. Back when I met my wife everybody had flip phones and you had to go meet up in person. My sons were showing some encouraging signs but then Covid hit. Now they and their friends just hang out online all the time.

agree. Boys need to learn to socialize, which is why it's important to put boys in activities where they can interact with others, bonus if that interaction includes girls.

I used to have the mindset of "let the kid figure out their social life", like we all did back in the 80s. But socializing is so different today. Too reliant on social media and online interaction. My kids are teens now, and they have a good social life, but my DS had almost no social life in MS. We didn't force DS to do any activity earlier on. We saw the mistake and pushed DS to do something. Part of it was maturity, though. MS is such a tough age -- kids hitting puberty at different ages. DS was a late bloomer and that really impacted his ability to socialize with other boys his age.

HS has been sooo much better. We've impressed upon our kids that when they go off to college they need to get engaged in clubs (preferably not greek life) or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men exploited their power over women for centuries and now you see a backlash. Today's men aren't to blame for it, but unfortunately that's just how it goes. No one wants to deal with their bullshit anymore. I was a landlord for a while and only rented to women. I try to work with women and I basically only deal with my DH and my brother as far as straight men go. I am just at a point in my life where I don't have to listen to their yammering anymore in general so I limit my contact to good ones who I trust. Sorry not sorry.

And you're seeing a male backlash too. A lot of what is driving MAGA is an explicit appeal to young angry men. We've reached the point where sex is a great predictor of voting, that never used to be true.

It's funny that the female backlash is to avoid men, and the male backlash is to take away women's rights.

Like you said, the female backlash is to avoid men, the male backlash is try to get hold of women by suppressing them and forcing them back into subordination. Online, I've seen men of all kinds of political backgrounds say that we should make western women wear hijabs and basically saying that women should have our rights taken away. All so they can force us back into relationships with them. It's so dysfunctional.

I think what actually happened is some of these men went overseas to Arab countries and saw that the religion was super male centered and promised virgins for men and saw that women could be subjugated so sternly and said hey great idea. Lets do that here, but don't forget I still want to live in an American dream house and community and not like the Arabs. They don't get that America is the way it is because women have more freedom or they do but they want it to be less civilized so they can terrorize more people

When some women wanted to join the Proud Boys, the men told them instead to create a good family environment and have children. Apparently, it's the woman's fault if the boy turns out to be a dud, nevermind that there are so many absent dads.

[Anonymous]

There was a thread on this same article when it came out and everyone said before what is being said now.

Glad I’m not a lonely man in my 20s, but I wasn’t lonely back then either.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't it men who were saying women would end up as "lonely cat ladies"? 🤣🤣🤣 Guess they were just stating their own fears! Oh how the chickens have come home to roost!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any lonely single men who have stable jobs, good manners, healthy lifestyles, and can hold a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't it men who were saying women would end up as "lonely cat ladies"? 🤣🤣🤣 Guess they were just stating their own fears! Oh how the chickens have come home to roost!

Even though I’m a happily married woman, some of my favorite social media posts are ones reacting to the “lonely cat lady” threats. “Oh, no, you mean I’ll cuddle my cats and knit and spend time with friends and have complete freedom to live however I want? The horror!”

[Anonymous]

I am teaching my son emotional regulation, personal responsibility, consent, and empathy. I’m also trying to inoculate him against Andrew Tate ideology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

I think this is impractical.

All forward thinking ideas are impractical at some point.

It used to be impractical to have women in the military

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.