How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should have rsvp'd no by the date given.

I was thinking this too! But perhaps she knew OP would be upset and perhaps she is conflict avoidant.

I think your friendship circle is not drama-free, OP. Instead, I think you are the drama.

[Anonymous]

You need to apologize and I would do it before the wedding. Find the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will definitely connect with her again after the wedding, and I'm sure - with all this feedback in mind - I will be open to the conversation. Clearly I let my DD's wedding get in my head to the point where I was being unreasonable.

Thanks all!

Very gracious response, OP 👏 - I applaud you, rare to see on DCUM.

Agree. Well done OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to apologize and I would do it before the wedding. Find the time.

This. She should have told you she wasn’t coming, but she obviously knew how you badly you would take it. You shouldn’t have pressured so much to attend this wedding. I’m really surprised you’d consider ending or never recovering a 20 year close friendship over this. It isn’t your wedding. You are far too invested in your friends’ attendance to this wedding. Please don’t ruin your friendship over this. It really isn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

How upset would I be?

If I were your friend I would understand you're going through a lot and let your terrible behavior go without being upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this helps me understand that I can come around on this after the wedding. I'll need time. I'm certain she would be open if I can be open. It's definitely going to be tough for me, because I'm so hurt. Hopefully that will pass.

Good God. Agree with another poster that you are much too old for this behavior. “I’m so hurt.” Please. You romanticized this Steel magnolias idea of your longtime girlfriends being at your daughter’s wedding to bask in your joy and success. I get it. But you were rude and pushy and lacking in grace and understanding. And now your plan is to wait until after the wedding or some time in the distant future to reconnect with her. Bad idea. Don’t let this cloud remain indefinitely. Call her and apologize for being a MOTB-zilla and acknowledge that you put her in a bad spot.

+1

+2. OP should reach out to this person now and apologize profusely for being a MOTB-zilla. Waiting until after the wedding sounds like OP is expecting an apology from her. If I were that friend and you called looking for an apology, I’d end the friendship immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will definitely connect with her again after the wedding, and I'm sure - with all this feedback in mind - I will be open to the conversation. Clearly I let my DD's wedding get in my head to the point where I was being unreasonable.

Thanks all!

Can you connect now? Both for yourself and her. Graciously say you realize you overreacted and you hope she has a wonderful day at the other wedding. Something short so the drama is put to bed before the wedding. It will feel better for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Apologize before the wedding, not after.

[Anonymous]

You were out of line. When someone rsvps no, you don’t ask them why not an try to guilt them into coming. You say your friend group is drama free, but you are creating tons of drama and probably fracturing the friend group. She probably was afraid to tell you because she knew you’d act like this.

[Anonymous]

Good for you for realizing you need to reach out. I think you should reach out and apologize today. The fact that she waited so long to tell you means that she knew how you would react. The other two friends likely know what happened and you don’t want them to be uncomfortable at the wedding (they most likely think you were being unreasonable). If you apologize now, everyone will know that you understand. Good luck and I hope the wedding is fabulous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to apologize and I would do it before the wedding. Find the time.

This. She should have told you she wasn’t coming, but she obviously knew how you badly you would take it. You shouldn’t have pressured so much to attend this wedding. I’m really surprised you’d consider ending or never recovering a 20 year close friendship over this. It isn’t your wedding. You are far too invested in your friends’ attendance to this wedding. Please don’t ruin your friendship over this. It really isn’t worth it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should have rsvp'd no by the date given.

I was thinking this too! But perhaps she knew OP would be upset and perhaps she is conflict avoidant.

I think your friendship circle is not drama-free, OP. Instead, I think you are the drama.

I hope OP recognizes her toxic behavior. It sounds like the friend’s husband knows that OP bullies her friend, and has been trying to help his wife grow a spine.

[Anonymous]

OP you’re insane. Insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will definitely connect with her again after the wedding, and I'm sure - with all this feedback in mind - I will be open to the conversation. Clearly I let my DD's wedding get in my head to the point where I was being unreasonable.

Thanks all!

“Open to conversation” means you still don’t get it. “I’ll call her right away to apologize” is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will definitely connect with her again after the wedding, and I'm sure - with all this feedback in mind - I will be open to the conversation. Clearly I let my DD's wedding get in my head to the point where I was being unreasonable.

Thanks all!

Can you connect now? Both for yourself and her. Graciously say you realize you overreacted and you hope she has a wonderful day at the other wedding. Something short so the drama is put to bed before the wedding. It will feel better for both of you.

This