How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this is a rarity where I have *less* sympathy with the OP than the rest of DCUM. I’m shocked you gave her such a hard time (repeatedly!) with the fact she said no in the first place and honestly think you owe her an apology of acting as if your friendship was conditional on her attendance at a specific event. You seem to be acting as if she did something wrong and *still* owes you an apology while she seems to have been more than gracious with your pushiness. When you reach back out, I would lead with an apology of giving her a hard time rather than your rather condescending messsge of forgiveness. I’m astonished your friend still picks up your calls tbh.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s F’ed up on her part. She knew well in advance about your daughter’s wedding.

Plus 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this helps me understand that I can come around on this after the wedding. I'll need time. I'm certain she would be open if I can be open. It's definitely going to be tough for me, because I'm so hurt. Hopefully that will pass.

Good God. Agree with another poster that you are much too old for this behavior. “I’m so hurt.” Please. You romanticized this Steel magnolias idea of your longtime girlfriends being at your daughter’s wedding to bask in your joy and success. I get it. But you were rude and pushy and lacking in grace and understanding. And now your plan is to wait until after the wedding or some time in the distant future to reconnect with her. Bad idea. Don’t let this cloud remain indefinitely. Call her and apologize for being a MOTB-zilla and acknowledge that you put her in a bad spot.

[Anonymous]

She is your friend, not you daughters. She introduced these folks. She is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this is a rarity where I have *less* sympathy with the OP than the rest of DCUM. I’m shocked you gave her such a hard time (repeatedly!) with the fact she said no in the first place and honestly think you owe her an apology of acting as if your friendship was conditional on her attendance at a specific event. You seem to be acting as if she did something wrong and *still* owes you an apology while she seems to have been more than gracious with your pushiness. When you reach back out, I would lead with an apology of giving her a hard time rather than your rather condescending messsge of forgiveness. I’m astonished your friend still picks up your calls tbh.

^^ THIS

I'm sorry, OP, I understand you're disappointed, but from the get-go, a simple "so sorry you can't be there" response would have been the most appropriate. Not constant badgering when you didn't like her decision. She reversed course due to your guilting pressure, and for that, I do fault her for not standing firm. However, when she informed you later that she couldn't be present for the whole thing, you badgered her yet again. And then again later.

I'd also be radio silent if I received your text response ("seriously?") to a decision I tried to tell you several times but you wouldn't accept.

Agree with PP that extending an apology makes sense if you'd like to continue the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this helps me understand that I can come around on this after the wedding. I'll need time. I'm certain she would be open if I can be open. It's definitely going to be tough for me, because I'm so hurt. Hopefully that will pass.

Good God. Agree with another poster that you are much too old for this behavior. “I’m so hurt.” Please. You romanticized this Steel magnolias idea of your longtime girlfriends being at your daughter’s wedding to bask in your joy and success. I get it. But you were rude and pushy and lacking in grace and understanding. And now your plan is to wait until after the wedding or some time in the distant future to reconnect with her. Bad idea. Don’t let this cloud remain indefinitely. Call her and apologize for being a MOTB-zilla and acknowledge that you put her in a bad spot.

+1

[Anonymous]

You’re way overreacting. This is your daughter’s wedding, not yours. Sue is your friend, not your daughter’s peer. I would have graciously let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s F’ed up on her part. She knew well in advance about your daughter’s wedding.

Plus 1.

So what? She’s allowed to have a life of her own.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset because it's not MY wedding. I don't worry about things like this. If you come, great! If you can't make it, we'll see you another time.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds insane. No idea how the other three friends put up with her. The stuff they say to each other behind her back must be a riot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your daughter's wedding. I didn't even have all of my close friends at my own wedding.

+1. My mom insisted on inviting her friends and co-workers to my wedding (some that I didn’t even know). I agreed just to avoid hurting her feelings, but in retrospect it was strange that she was treating it like her own social event.

[Anonymous]

She should have rsvp'd no by the date given.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP. So much for your group being drama free. YOU are the dramatic one. It’s your daughter’s wedding, not yours. You don’t even get to behave like this since you are the mother of the bride, not the bride. And even for a bride it’s poor behavior. YOU owe your friend an apology for being pushing and you would be a fool to throw away a friendship for over twenty years and spoil your friend groip dynamic for this. Don’t be surprised if your other friends take her side instead of yours.

[Anonymous]

You are the ahold here.

[Anonymous]

I get the it OP. My DS was married in Sept and you want and expect everyone to be as committed as you. You really overreacted and owe your friend an apology.